


Take Care of You

by Pimento, WaywardAF67



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, DCBB 2018, Dean/Cas Big Bang Challenge 2018, F/M, Feelings Realization, Fluff, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, Human Castiel, M/M, Masturbation, Morning After, Sam Ships It, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Vacation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-07-24 21:36:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 46,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16183661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pimento/pseuds/Pimento, https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaywardAF67/pseuds/WaywardAF67
Summary: After their first attempt at closing the gates of Hell failed, Sam and Dean moved on. With Kevin gone, all hope seemed to be lost, until Rowena found a spell that locked up Hell for good. Along the way, they met a feisty witch name Kori. Sam is instantly smitten.Cas was called back to Heaven, leaving Dean wondering what life could be now that Hell was locked up tight. Though he isn’t gone long, Cas returns from Heaven both human and in search of his soulmate. Dean is shocked to learn soulmates even exist.With the idea of retirement sounding more appealing, Dean decides to test the waters by planning a vacation. The four pack their bags, deciding to spend a well earned and long overdue relaxing week at the lake. It’s the rest Dean has always dreamed of, so why isn’t it as easy as he imagined?Dean struggles with Cas’ decisions and ultimately makes a few choices of his own. Never ones to let destiny decide their fate Team Free Will take matters into their own hands. They seize the future they all deserve even if it’s not the future they ever saw coming.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As always I want to thank my Book Club for their help and support. Thanks to [TrenchcoatBaby](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrenchcoatBaby/pseuds/TrenchcoatBaby) and to [EllenOfOz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllenOfOz/pseuds/EllenOfOz) for the edits. This was the very first piece of fanfic I have ever worked on. I started it two years ago and finally finished it. There were tons of edits and it was so amazing to see how much better my writing has gotten in the past two years. The women in my Book Club, who are my Beta's have made me a better writer and a better person. I couldn't and wouldn't want to do this without them. 
> 
> I can't believe my artist, [Pimentogirl](https://pimentogirl.tumblr.com/) chose my fic for art. I am so happy with the art she made for my fic and it was more than I could have imagined. Thank you so much. 
> 
> Thanks to the mods for all the hard work. This challenge has to be stressful for you, and we all appreciate it.

 

The gates of Hell were closed. They finally did it. As relieving as it was, there was still a somber mood lingering in the car. It had been hours since anyone had spoken as they sped down the highway.

While the others slept, Dean let himself drift into a daydream. He was finally considering retirement. Not the _buy an RV and travel the country_ type of retirement. Although, thinking about it now, an RV would have been a good investment at this point. No, Dean's idea of retirement was sitting on a dock fishing with a cooler full of beer at his feet. His only worry would be if he wanted fresh fish or chicken for dinner. Maybe he could get a real job. Not some bullshit nine-to-five job, but maybe he could be a mechanic. He was good at fixing cars, and working with his hands would help keep his mind clear. Maybe he could even open his own shop someday.

 _What the hell is this, imagination hour?_ he thought. _Pull up, Winchester. You're already playing house, and Hell hasn't even been closed for thirty seconds. What about the ghosts, and werewolves? Hell being sealed isn't the end of evil._

Sam cleared his throat, breaking Dean out of his fantasy. "Dean, I've seen thirty-five emotions pass over your face in the last thirty seconds. You want to tell me what’s going on?"

Dean shook his head at his little brother. "I thought you were sleeping."

Sam shrugged, "Nah, I've been awake for about ten minutes. You've just been over there in dreamland. Seriously man, what's up?”

"Stow the touchy-feely shit, Sam. I think after all we've been through I’m allowed to brood."    

“Of course you are Dean, but dude, I thought we were doing this honesty thing now.” Sam shifted in his seat, turning toward his brother.

Dean didn't reply. He knew there was an underlying meaning, and he did not want to talk about it. In fact, his avoidance was what led to his bullshit apple pie fantasy about owning a body shop.

"Have you tried praying to him?" Sam asked gently. His soft empathetic tone was exactly what Dean was trying to avoid. It's why he hadn't said a word to Sam in the past five hours.

"Sam, we are not doing this. Not right now." Dean gripped the wheel tighter.

"I get it, Dean, you don't want to talk. But dammit, you are not the only person who cared about the guy."

"‘Cared,’ Sam? Don't talk about him likes he's not coming back." Dean was embarrassed at how small his voice was. He meant to shout but didn't have the strength. He was growing wirier by the mile…it was time to find a place to sleep for the night. He had put it off until this point, knowing if he took his focus off driving, off getting back home to the bunker, his mind would wander back to Cas.

Dean glanced in the rearview mirror and noticed the small sleeping form splayed across the seat. Their newest ally, Kori, had Sam’s jacket pulled up to her chin like a blanket, and she was snoring softly. They hadn't been looking for her specifically when they walked into the bar, just over a week ago, but it seemed luck was on their side that day. Dean had been in desperate need of a beer and a good cheeseburger. They asked around and found that Lola’s was the perfect spot to fill his needs. It was a small dive bar right in the center of a small town on the outskirts of Topeka.

He stared out the window, ignoring his brother and the gnawing sense of loss sitting in his stomach. Sam leaned his head against the window, and before long, he too was snoring—though not as softly—leaving Dean alone with his thoughts. He still couldn't believe they did it. They locked up Hell, and Cas finally got Heaven back in order. What was left, wendigos? Maybe they would catch a vamp case from time to time, but most of the evil the Winchesters have been fighting for the past ten years were associated with Hell in one way or another.

Cas had been there as they closed the gates. Dean didn't understand it all, but somehow Cas helping was his final penance for the wrong he thought he'd done. Ever since the fall a few years back, Cas had been trying to redeem himself. He’d always assumed Cas would just stay on Earth. They were a family—there was no need to run back to those winged dicks. But something changed when Chuck left with Amara. The angels flocked to Cas as they usually did in times of distress and unknown.

Chuck had said to Dean that he was the "firewall," whatever the hell that meant, and Cas was just as much a part of that as he was. The Almighty Himself said that He could bail, again, because he knew that Sam and Dean were there to save the world. Just like they always did. But He also mentioned Cas. He spoke so tenderly of His son that it made Dean's heart hurt. He said that Castiel was his one perfect creation. Dean believed that. After all, Cas was the ideal balance between righteousness and imperfection. He loved with all he had. Made the tough choices, and was always willing to sacrifice himself for anyone in need. Whether it was his old family upstairs, his acquired family down here, or a stranger on a case. So yeah, Dean understood the fond tone Chuck used when speaking of his perfect angel. _Did I just think Cas was perfect?_ Dean internally groaned. _Yeah right, Cas was about as close to perfect as I am. Which actually kind of makes sense. Two clichès in a pod and all that._

Dean felt alone in the quiet car, leaving him the time to finally process what they had accomplished. After all the years and struggles they had, closing the gates was far too easy. Much easier than the trials that almost killed Sam.

The first step to closing the gates had been finding the witch in Topeka Rowena told them about. Though Dean’s first idea of finding the best dive in town to question the locals led them precisely to the witch in question.  

Not even a minute after they sat down at Lola’s, the recommended bar and grille, a pretty woman––“Kori,” her name tag read––with auburn hair, and electric blue eyes came to take their order. Dean ordered his usual and stared as Sam fumbled through requesting a salad. It was rare to see Sam get flustered around a woman, and Dean thought it was pretty cute.

Still needing information about the witch, Dean sent Sam over to question the pretty waitress, while he nursed his second beer and waited on their order. The woman must have had a thing for bumbling agents because she was more than happy to offer information on the legend of the local witch. If Dean didn’t already know fate to be dead, he would have considered this one of her moves. The witch happened to be Lola, of Lola’s Bar and Grille, Kori’s grandmother.

Dean pulled himself from the memory as he turned into a hotel parking lot. He had hoped to at least make it back to Topeka after dropping off Lola with a friend to care for her in Nebraska, but he was just too tired.

Lola had used most of her magic to help with the spell that closed the gates, and need to rest and recover. Her friend in Nebraska was part of the Grand Coven High Council. Dean suspected that Rowena sent them to Lola specifically because of her connection to the High Council. Kori had been born a natural witch like her grandmother but had no apparent connection to any sort of coven. Together, Lola and Kori pulled enough power to help Hell become a one-way door.

Sam woke as he came to a stop, and Dean explained, grudgingly, that he needed to stop for the night. He left Sam and Kori in the car and went in to request a couple, but against all the odds, the fleabag motel only had one available with two full beds, and a rollaway cot.

    After Dean checked them in, they all piled into the room to get cleaned up. Sam and Dean let Kori have the first shower, as Sam dug through his bag for a T-shirt to loan her. He came up with a worn blue shirt and a clean pair of boxers for her to wear to bed. It wasn’t ideal, but it was clean and didn’t smell like sulfur.

There was small talk as they all went about getting washed up and comfortable. Deciding he needed a moment to himself, Dean volunteered to run out for dinner. He threw a wink towards Sam, telling him he planned on sitting down to have a beer while he waited for their food. He would be gone at least an hour.

Dean found the closest bar and placed his order for three burgers. Kori ranked right under him and Cas in their love for bacon cheeseburgers. As he nursed his beer, he idly wondered when Sam would start hounding her about red meat in moderation. The food was ready sooner than he expected, so he hung around and ate his own burger. _Those getting laid would have to deal with cold fries,_ he laughed to himself.

Once back at the hotel, Dean opened the door slowly, announcing his arrival. He tried to hide his smile when he noticed Kori was no longer wearing the borrowed blue shirt, but now lounged on her bed in the long sleeved red shirt Sam had been wearing when he left. They looked debauched and based on Sam’s scowl, unfinished. He suspected this was more than just a quick lay. Those two had been making heart eyes at each other since they first found her. Maybe Sam would have a chance at his apple pie life after all. They didn't have anywhere else to go, why not stay in Topeka? They had locked up the bunker, not expecting to survive closing the gates. It seemed wrong to waste all those resources, but Dean was ready for a life above ground. If they moved near Kori, Dean could be the new Bobby fielding fake FBI calls for the next generation of hunters. Sam and Kori could work out whatever was going on between them. They could still utilize the bunker, and help other hunters. With all the big players off the board, they would be free to live average boring lives.

Before getting lost in another daydream, Dean decided he needed to give Sam some space to finish what he had undoubtedly interrupted.

"I'm going to go. I-I have a thing. I’ll be back later. Food’s on the table. You crazy kids remember to use protection," Dean wiggled his eyebrows at Sam.

" _Dean_ …" Sam continued to shout at him, but he had already slipped out the door and couldn’t make out what was said. Maybe it was time one of the Winchesters got lucky in love. It would make sense that it would be Sam. He was always the one who wanted to settle down. Dean tried that life before, but it just didn't seem to be in the cards for him.

He didn't have anywhere to go, so Dean decided to just lay on the hood of his car and stare up at the sky. Usually, this was when Dean would escape back to the bar and find his usual comfort from a tall frisky woman and a fifth of Jack. But for the first time in what felt like a century, Dean didn’t want to drown his troubles. He took a long moment to ponder when, if ever, he had chosen to feel his feeling rather than chasing down a cheap buzz and an easy lay. Had it ever happened before? Dean was so caught up in wanting to feel this pain that for a fleeting moment, the loss of Castiel seemed bearable. That didn't last long. Once he remembered why he needed to explore this loss, it came crashing back down on him.

He was convinced, now that he didn't have anything else to think about, that his heart was going to explode. He had lost Cas before, hell he probably got more used to losing Cas than actually having him around, but this time was different. Cas didn't die, he didn't betray him, or run away because things got complicated. He finally made his amends and got to return home. Dean knew he had no right to be anything but happy for Castiel. As much as logic would lead him to believe his friend made the right choice, Dean couldn't help but feel abandoned. The angel never once mentioned a plan to stay on Earth. He knew that returning to Heaven had been his goal all along. He was working his penance, and all but told Dean closing up Hell was going be his final task.

Dean recalled the night in the bar, the night they planned to steal the cupid’s bow.  The awful night that Cas lost his grace, the Angels fell, and Sammy almost died. With all the shit that had gone down in his life, this night still held top slot as the worst night of his life. But before all the bad, there was the moment where Dean got to say goodbye. “So this is it, E.T. goes home,” he had said. Of course—at that time—Cas didn't understand the reference. He just gave his usual squint and head tilt, lifting the corner of his mouth in a small smile. He missed that about Cas. Ever since Metatron downloaded all his pop culture knowledge into Cas, he rarely gave Dean that adorable squint.

_Fuck, this isn’t helping. I think I might need some Jack after all._

But he had been outside long enough he didn't dare risk going back to their room. He hadn't planned on going back tonight; it wouldn't be the first time he had to sleep in the Impala because of a hookup.

As he slid off the hood and made his way to the driver's side door, Dean did what he swore to himself he wouldn't do. He closed his eye, tilted his head towards the sky and sent up his goodbye prayer.

"Cas, uh, hey buddy. I don't know if you got your ears on, but I just wanted to say goodbye. You and me, we've been through a lot, and I just want you to know I'm gonna to miss you. If you ever make it back down here, give me a call. I just—I, uh, you know man, I'm not good at this shit, but I owe my life to you. Sammy's too, and you know what that means to me, Cas. I just wish I could've said goodbye, you know. But I hope you found your peace. You'll do good up there, just make sure to Commando the shit outta ‘em and they will remember why you were chosen to be their leader. Thanks for pulling my ass outta the pit and, well, everything else after that. Take care of you."

The air shifted behind Dean, the way it used to when Cas would fly in. His eyes popped open and he scanned the parking lot. Of course, Cas wasn't here; it was just his tired mind playing tricks on him. Dean heaved a sigh of disappointment and reached for his door handle when he heard that familiar phrase being uttered, softer than usual.

"Hello, Dean.”

He whipped around to see Cas standing across the parking lot.

“Cas!”

Castiel stood under a street lamp making him look like he was bathed in a glowing light. Almost as if the light of Heaven was shining down upon him.

“Did you just quote _Pretty Woman_?”


	2. Chapter 2

Dean froze where he stood. He didn't think praying to Cas would work. He wasn't even sure if he could hear him in Heaven. Cas, however, had a full range of his fine motor skills and rushed to Dean, wrapping him in a hug. The type of hug where Dean felt strong hands on his back, sending reassurance deep into his core. They type of hug that says, “I'm sorry, I will never leave you again." It wasn't a short manly embrace with a masculine pat on the back. This hug was desperate to show emotions neither man could say out loud.

Dean pulled back slightly, keeping one hand on his friend’s shoulder. "Cas, what are you doing here? I figured you had a lot of shit to handle up there," Dean asked as he jerked his thumb towards the sky. "You didn't come back down just to say goodbye did you?"

“Dean-–” Cas started. 

"I mean I know I was a real Susanna Kaysen back there, but it wasn't full on  _ Girl, Interrupted _ . I just wanted to say goodbye, you know."

" _ Dean _ ," Castiel shouted. 

Dean dropped his hand and stared at the angel. 

"I didn't come back because you prayed to me. I can't hear your prayers anymore. I just did a good old-fashioned eavesdrop to hear what you wanted to say to me," Cas said with a smirk.

Shuffling backward, Dean leaned against the car. "So you can't hear my prayers. Shit, I was kind of hoping you would. I mean, it's not the same as talking every day, but I hoped I could at least check in from time to time. You know, to keep you updated." 

"No Dean, I am afraid you don't understand. I can't hear your prayers anymore because I am no longer an angel." Cas mirrored Dean’s movement and leaned back on the Impala. 

Dean stared blankly at Cas. Wondering what the hell he was talking about. Not even eight hours ago they closed the gates of Hell, insuring Cas his role in commanding Heaven. Chuck all but said this was his plan. What changed since he last saw Cas?

Dean ran a hand down his face. "What are you talking about, man? How are you not an angel?"

"Upon completion of closing the gates, I was called home. When Father calls you home, you don't have a choice. It’s the equivalent of when I 'zap' you somewhere. I was there with you, and the next second I was standing in front of my Father." Castiel's hand still lingered in the air from his use of air quotes. 

"Okay, so what did Chuck want? I thought he was off in Never Never Land with big sis." Dean’s mind was racing—did something happen to Cas? Was he kicked out of Heaven? Was his penance not enough? 

"My Father and his Sister have come to a, shall we say, agreement. They understand more now than ever that the world needs the balance of the light and the dark to survive. They have parted on amicable terms, and I believe Amara has interest in the lost souls in purgatory. With their return to this universe, they no longer have to be alone or away from each other too long. It was quite a touching story, Dean." Cas was gazing up at the stars as if he could see the movement of Chuck and Amara. 

“Cas, you gotta help me out here man, I have no idea what you’re saying.”

“When Father—uh, Chuck—when Chuck called me home, he informed me I was better suited for Earth. He told me I could stay in Heaven if I choose, but my happiness was to be found on Earth.” 

Dean thought he noticed a flush creep across his friend’s face.  _ Why in the hell is Cas blushing? What is his happiness? Oh God, he's not talking about the pizza man, is he? Shit, sorry Chuck. _

"Your happiness?" Dean asked. 

"That gets complicated, Dean. It seems Chuck believes that I am his one true perfect creation."  

Damn, there was that blush again. 

“Well–” Dean started, but Cas continued. 

"He said that I didn't come off the line with a ‘broken chassis,’ that my ability to choose Free Will over orders was not a defect. It's what he wanted for all of us. Sadly my brothers and sisters never had a Winchester to show them the difference between orders and decisions." Cas turned to look at Dean, giving him a small smile. 

"Hell Cas, you're making me blush," Dean said sarcastically, hoping his actual blush wasn't showing. 

"Ah yes, blushing is rather inconvenient." Cas looked down at his feet.

“So what does your freewill have to do with you being back on Earth? That still doesn’t explain what your ‘happiness’ is.” 

"Dean, do you remember when you met the Cherub, the ones humans know to be Cupid? If you recall, when a Cherub marks you for love they leave a symbol on your heart. Some humans, however, are born with these symbols on their hearts. I am unsure what causes a child to be born with a mark of love, but there are more of them than you would imagine. When one human finds another with a similar marking, they are likely to fall in love. If they should both have the same markings, it would be almost impossible to keep them away from each other. Angels were also given markings as well in our grace. In their case, they usually don't lead to romantic love, just companionship amongst our, uh,  _ their _ kind.” Cas pushed off the car and started to pace in front of the other man.

“In an extremely rare case, an angel will meet a human with the same marks. Usually leading the angel to fall, literally as well as metaphorically. You remember Anna? If an angel and a human have the same marks, the angel is forced to fall or abandon their love. Leaving no way to create a Nephilim. It appears that someone is walking the earth right now with what Chuck called the rarest marking of all, my mark. The mark of choice. I guess you could call it the mark of free will. The angel who chose humanity over Heaven. Chuck said no one has since, or ever will ever again, have my unique mark. I guess he knew from my creation I was going to be a rebel. He helped me realized that it wasn’t a bad thing. It’s why my grace was turned into my now human soul." 

"What are you saying, Cas? You have a soulmate wandering around Earth somewhere? Is that why God sent you back? Do you at least know where she is? Will you have to go to China to find her? Do you even speak Mandarin?" Dean felt himself getting worked up. Cas just got back, and now he's leaving on a mission for love, of all things?

Castiel stopped pacing and looked at Dean, holding his gaze. "Soulmate is a phrase humans made up. It would be impossible for souls to mate, that is just absurd.  And no, God did not send me back down to find my love. I chose to fall." Cas lowered his eyes, unable to maintain eye contact. 

"So you just gave up everything for some chick you know nothing about." Dean didn't understand why he was so upset about this news. Didn't he want Cas happy? 

"Why do you keep saying ‘she,’ Dean?" Castiel bellowed. 

"I, uh, I," Dean sputtered. 

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have raised my voice. I have to reacquaint myself with human emotions. They are much more heightened than when I was an angel." 

"That's alright, man. You probably outta get those under control before you head off to find your mystery wo—ah, person." 

 

~~~~~~

 

Castiel had been shocked when he landed in the parking lot of the hotel Sam and Dean were staying in. Chuck had zapped him right to Dean, mid-prayer. It was a nice confirmation that Dean still wanted him around, even if they knocked most of the evil off the map. He should have known that Dean would want a full explanation of his return, but had hoped for a little more time. Cas needed to explain himself carefully if he wanted to stick around. If Dean learned they were soulmates, he might turn and run from him, cutting Cas out of his life forever. 

Avoiding Dean’s last statement, Cas shifted his eyes to stare at the Impala. He had fond memories of the car. No matter how many times Dean insisted he was part of the family, Cas always felt the car belonged more than he did. If there was anything in this world that Dean loved as much as Sam, it was his Baby. Cas had hoped to come back to Earth, being welcomed into Dean's life with a hug and an invitation to ride shotgun. Typically that was Sam’s spot, but since he met Kori, Cas hoped the seat would be available to him sooner than both Dean or Sam could imagine.  

Sam meeting his  _ soulmate _ , as Dean called it, was one of the deciding factors in Cas’ decision to permanently fall. Based on what Chuck told him about the marks on the heart, both Winchester brothers had very special symbols. The mark of an archangel's true vessel. 

Like the archangels, other ranks of angels had true vessels as well. They differed however in that anyone from that bloodline, no matter how distant, could be a vessel. 

Sam had encountered a true vessel and became instantly attracted to her. Of course, he didn't know she was a vessel. He just knew they had a connection. Their hearts were in sync with one another. 

Castiel never expected Dean to walk away from the life, but with Sam focusing on his future, he was worried Dean would be tempted to hunt alone. Cas figured he could tag along with the elder Winchester and be his backup. It wasn't the relationship he longed for, but in reality, he wasn't sure Dean would ever come to accept that his soulmate was a male. He had considered asking Chuck to give him a female form before sending him back but ultimately decided that female genitalia didn't guarantee a relationship with Dean.

He assumed Dean would always view him as a man and might be uncomfortable around him if he looked like a woman. More so, Cas just liked his body. It wasn't his initially, but he grew very comfortable looking like Jimmy Novak. After his confirmation that Jimmy and Amelia reunited in Heaven, finally putting the couple to rest, Cas begin to think of the body as his own. He survived being human in the body once before and knew its functions very well. How much rest it needed, how much food he had to consume to satisfy his hunger. He even learned bathroom habits, which was still one of the worst parts of being human. 

Dean broke into his thoughts saying something Cas had hoped, and maybe even prayed he would hear. “So, um, you know, you could stick around with us for a while. Most people don’t go around searching, Cas. You just kind of stumble across someone while you're living your life. So let's get you used to being human, and then you can worry about finding your person.” Dean slapped him on the chest with the back of his hand, a playful gesture for the hunter. 

"Thank you, Dean, I think I would like that very much." Cas ducked his head. 

"Yeah, no problem, man. Maybe we can take a vacation or something. Go to some secluded lake house, fish and swim all day, and spend twelve hours smoking some part of a cow. Just because we would actually have the time to do it. Relaxing is a lesson we all need to learn." Dean gave his friend a genuine smile. One that reached his eyes and made his crow's feet a little more prominent.

"I don't know if Sam will separate from his lady long enough to take a vacation though. We might have to drag her along. She’s cool though. I think Sam is in over his head with this one. I've never seen him have such big heart-eyes."

“Well it would make sense, Kori is Sam’s, as you say, ‘soulmate.’”

“Wait, what? All that stuff you were jabbering about love marks and crap, Sam has one of those?” Dean asked. 

"Yes, Dean. Uh,  _ most _ , true vessels have marks. During my conversation with Chuck I learned that Kori was to be a vessel for Hadraniel, should she ever need to come to earth. It’s not only archangels who have true vessels. We––they all have a preferred bloodline," Cas told Dean, looking away. 

He couldn't meet Dean’s eyes knowing he just lied. But if he were to tell him that all true vessels were born with the mark, it might cause him panic. He had no wish to cause Dean any discomfort. He wasn't exactly the type to believe in everlasting love. If Cas told him he had a mark on his heart that destined him for a life partner, Dean might not be receptive to the idea. Only making the situation more uncomfortable for Cas. He felt it might be too obvious to tell Dean he had a mark as well. Dean needed to learn this in his own time.

"True vessels, huh? Sammy's destined for love and Hell is closed up. Man, this has been a weird day, even for us.”

“A strange day, indeed,” Cas replied. A moment of silence fell between the men as they watched one another. Wondering what their next move would be when Castiel’s stomach let out a loud rumble. 

Dean chuckled. “Why don't you tell me about your chat with God while we go find you something to eat?" Dean asked, pushing off the car and turning for the door handle. 

Cas nodded before walking to the passenger side, and sliding in, feeling more at home here than he did in Heaven. It was true that Castiel hadn't been in the front very often. That was a place reserved for Sam, but sometimes Cas would be alone with Dean, and he would sit next to his friend while he hummed along to the radio, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel.

"There isn't much to tell. He told me about the Marks of Love, informed me that Sam had met his ‘soulmate,' gave me the appropriate documents to be a legal US citizen, and told me I would be living on Easy Street. This, by the way, was not helpful at all. Thousands of cities have a street named ‘Easy.’ I have no idea where he inten—" 

Cas was cut off by a loud bark of laughter from Dean. "No Cas, ‘Easy Street’ is a metaphor. It just means you’re living an easy life, like things are finally going your way."

"Oh," Castiel said, feeling a little embarrassed. 

"So wait, you don't actually have anywhere to go, right? Like you don't have a destination in mind yet?" Dean took his eyes off the road and watched Cas. His eyes dancing back and forth across his friend's features. Cas wanted to believe there was something more behind that look but pushed those feelings aside. 

They pulled into a rundown looking diner that had a flashing neon sign with letters missing, telling everyone they were “Op n all nig t.” Dean parked near the back and left the car idling. 

“No Dean, I do not have a destination in mind. It turns out I am homeless again.” He instantly regretted his word choice. That was a time both he and Dean purposefully ignored talking about. 

"That's bullshit, Cas. You know you are not homeless. You will always have a home with Sam and me. I fucked up letting you leave last time, man. I won't do that again. You stay with me, and I will help you be human this time. Not just during the vacation, but after too. You stay as long as you want. Hell, stay forever. Even if you meet someone, you still need a home,” Dean said, killing the engine and jumping out of the car before Cas could reply. 

 

~~~~~~

 

Dean pushed his way through the door, glaring at the bell that chimed as he entered. Their conversation was weighing heavy on him, and he didn’t know what was worse. Cas bringing up being human when Dean had failed him, or the stupid soulmate thing. 

Dean figured Cas meant to say all vessels have a mark but was trying to not freak Dean out by letting him know that he had a mark, too. 

_ Yeah right, like I could ever be in love. Who would love me? _

The conversation paused as they went into an all-night diner and placed their orders. The silence was causing tension between them. Dean felt almost frantic at the thought of Cas walking away. For once in his life, he wanted to be selfish. 

Cas’ one true love may be out there waiting for him, but damn it, he paid his dues. 

_ I deserve some downtime with my friend before some bitch gets her claws in him, trying to change him. Wait…not a woman. Cas is…gay? When did Cas figure that out? _

Dean vaguely heard Cas’ expression of gratitude as the waiter dropped off their food before he spit out his most recent thought. 

“When did you decide you were gay?” he asked, closing his eyes and slumping forward at his poor word choice. 

“I would have expected you to know Dean, it’s not a choice,” Cas replied, reaching for the ketchup. 

“No Cas, I know it’s not a choice. But when have you ever—I mean how did you—April was a woman.” Dean couldn’t help the flush creeping up his face. Why was this so difficult to understand? He didn’t care if Cas was gay. Some of his closest friends were gay. Charlie, Cesar, and Jesse. 

"I don't know. I used to be celestial being. I have explained to you before that we, uh, they don't have gender. Limiting the ability to love a person based solely on their genitalia is a human trait that I have never understood. Unless your sole intent was procreation.” Cas bit into his hamburger and stared at Dean, who hadn’t even touched his food. He wordlessly motioned for Cas to pass him the ketchup and began the process of setting his burger up: adjusting the toppings and adding the right amount of sauce. 

“April was the only person ever to show interest in me,” Cas continued, “I enjoyed sharing her company, but as you recall that ended badly for me. I feel I would rather spend my time with a man." A dark look came over Cas’ features, and Dean wondered what he was thinking.

"Hey man, don't look so upset. I don't care if you're gay. Sam won't either. It just caught me off guard is all. I am still struggling to remember you are human now. Let alone having human, uh, desires." Dean scrubbed a hand across his face, feeling the coarseness of his two-day-old growth. 

"If I liked the things I did with April, does that make me a bisexual?” Cas asked. 

“I mean yeah, I guess, but does it matter? You find someone you like, end of story. Don’t spend time worrying about a person's gender. You might miss someone great because you were looking the other way.” Dean held still, keeping Cas’ gaze, hoping he sounded more confident than he felt. 

“Is that what you do? I’ve never seen you with a man before.” Cas dunked a fry in ketchup bring it to his mouth, as if this were the most normal conversation in the world. As if the question didn’t give Dean an existential crisis. 

“Ah, no. I tend to stick with women. Some people have a preference, and some don’t. Both are okay. There is a lot to learn about sexuality, Cas. My advice—go with the flow and do what makes you feel good, with whoever you like.” 

“I suppose you’re right. I have a lot more I need to worry about before I can worry about finding my 'person,' as you said." 

Dean felt relief wash over him. It sounded like Cas was not on a mission to find his soulmate, leaving more time for him and their vacation. The very same holiday Dean had been mentally planning for years. It interchanged between a beach house or a lake house, depending on what was closest at the time. 

"So you'll stay with us? Take the vacation and learn the human things? I mean, like I said, you always have a home with us.” Dean debated if he wanted to share his fantasy with Cas, and decided he would. It wasn’t like Cas was going to judge him for wanting a stable place to live. 

“Though, I think I want a house. An honest to God house, Cas. Not an underground lair. I want windows and a yard with a fence. I want to rake leaves and get a stupid pet." He ducked his head. He meant to bring up the house, not confess to wanting to be Ward Cleaver.

Cas turned to Dean with excitement in his eyes. "You could get a guinea pig."

"I was thinking more like a puppy. But if you want a guinea pig, we’ll get you a guinea pig. I'm ready to be done with this shit, Cas." Dean took a moment to decide if he was embarrassed for sharing his fantasy, or if he was relieved he finally admitted he was done with hunting. 

"You deserve to be done. You've given this world enough. There are other hunters, Dean. Other teams to take on werewolves and rugarus. You sent all the demons back to Hell, locked Lucifer in his cage twice now, stopped the literal end of days. The world is safe because of you and Sam. You deserve to enjoy what you've saved." At some point, Cas had reached his hand across the table and placed it on top of Dean’s. He didn’t notice right away, but after several long seconds of staring, Dean felt the comforting weight of his friend’s hand. His instinct was to pull away, but he suspected Cas needed comfort as much as he did. He was there for most of the crap he and Sam went through. He deserved it as much as anyone else. 

Cas leaned back, pulling his drink to his mouth. All Dean could manage was a blush, and a whispered thank you. He didn’t trust his voice for anything louder. Cas made him sound like some damn hero. Like all those situations were not a direct result of his mistakes. Sure, he stopped the apocalypse, but Cas seems to have forgotten he started it.   

"Thank you for the offer Dean; I would like to take a vacation," Cas said as if sensing Dean’s need for a topic change. 

“Great, we will let Sam know in the morning. He might not be interested if we can’t convince Kori. Might just be you and me, you okay with that?”

"If we can make it out of Hell together, I'm sure we can survive a vacation," Cas smiled brightly. 

Dean gave him a big grin and chuckled at his proper use of sarcasm. They spent the rest of the meal in companionable silence. Dean was finally hitting a wall after all the adrenalin of the day; it was hard to believe it hadn't even been a full twenty-four hours since they closed off Hell. Cas looked like he needed to sleep for a week, and maybe he did. How does a person recover from being an Angel? 

Within fifteen minutes Dean paid the bill and hustled Cas into the car. He needed clothes and a toothbrush, but that could wait until the morning. Dean needed to get his friend in a comfortable bed and let him relax. 

He looked over at Cas and couldn’t stop the smile that formed on his lips. Cas looked so small and sweet curled into a ball around his seatbelt facing Dean. How was this dangerous, badass warrior so soft and kind? Dean let his thoughts drift to who Cas would end up with. How could a civilian man understand who the former Angel was? Would anyone even believe him? He knew Cas would have a hard time hiding who he was, and he shouldn’t have to. Before he realized the words left his mouth, Dean asked, “Hey Cas, what are you looking for in your soulmate?” 

Cas responded with a low, sleepy hum. Letting Dean know he was awake and thinking. 

“A bright soul. I know I am no longer capable of seeing a human soul, but one so bright it’s recognizable to the naked eye. A righteous soul. Nice eyes. Bright eyes. Eyes that still shine even though they have seen the worst of humanity.” 

Dean barely heard Cas, who seemed to nod off after his statement. A righteous soul? How many times has Cas told me my soul was the brightest he’d ever seen? 

_ He can’t be talking about me, right? Are my eyes just as bright? Eyes are windows to the soul, right? It’s that an adage or something. Get it together Winchester. The man is sleep deprived. He probably doesn’t even know what he’s saying. _


	3. Chapter 3

Dean woke Cas by gently shaking him. “Come on, buddy. A bed is going to be a lot more comfortable than this front seat."

He ended up booking a second room for Cas and himself. It was easier to stay there with Cas than trying to sneak back into his place with Sam and Kori. He didn’t want to find his brother and new love interest in a compromising situation--thought it’s not like Dean hadn’t walked in on a naked sleeping Sam before. It’s just not an experience he ever wanted to live through again. He also didn’t want to leave Cas alone. He wasn’t going to leave Cas to do this human thing alone again. He was going to be there for anything his friend needed. 

Cas groaned and stumbled out of the car. He shuffled his feet across the parking lot, barely able to stand. Dean wondered what it was like for Cas to be tired. He and Sam never had the luxury of waking up slowly. Even after living in the bunker for so long, they were still up and ready within minutes. 

Cas couldn’t be bothered to even take his shoes off. He just flopped down on the bed closest to the door. Dean chuckled and helped his friend out of his dirty boots. For a moment Dean considered trying to get him out of his coat but decided it wasn’t worth the risk. Cas might start swinging if he got woken up again.  

Dean took a moment to get himself ready for bed. Pulling back the comforter on his bed, he climbed in and made himself comfortable. He moved around and shuffled until he found himself laying at the edge of his bed, facing Cas. The other man hadn’t moved since he passed out face down on the scratchy comforter. Dean cringed, thinking about what Cas might be laying in. Proper hygiene was going to be the first thing on the list of things Cas had to learn. He knew to shower and brush his teeth from his time as Steve, but Cas needed to learn things like stripping the comforter off the bed and when to wear flip-flops in the shower. 

The hunter woke up the next morning feeling more rested than he could ever remember. He wasn’t sure why he slept so well the previous night, but it was a feeling Dean wanted to get used to. He decided he needed to get Cas a few supplies before he got in the shower and started his day. He would take him shopping in the next few days to get some clothes, but until then he didn’t mind loaning his friend something to wear. 

Clothing aside, Cas still needed the basics. Dean made quick work of getting dressed in yesterday’s clothes and writing Cas a note explaining he went on a supply run, and would return shortly. Dean didn’t want Cas thinking he abandoned him in the middle of the night. He needed to show Cas that he was going to be there for him this time around. Even if that meant leaving stupid little notes. 

Dean was about to pull away when he decided to text Sam about finding Cas and that he was sleeping a few doors down. It was going to be exhausting, being open and honest with his brother. 

 

**To: Sam (8:21 AM) Long story but Cas is back. He's two doors down. I’ll be back in an hour. Check on him if I take longer.**

**From: Sam (8:23 AM) I told you he would be back!**

**To: Sam (8:24) Whatever know it all. I’ll bring back breakfast, and then we talk vacation.**

**From: Sam (8:27) A vacation sounds great.**

 

When Dean got back with a bag full of breakfast burritos and coffee, he stopped by Sam's first to pass out the food. To his surprise, Cas was there, apparently explaining everything to Sam. He sat down the bag and dispersed the coffee while listening to Cas’ recap of the events leading up to his return. Dean was hoping Cas didn’t tell his little brother about finding his soulmate. Sam was a big sap, but even he might freak out if he found out the woman still asleep in his bed was his future. 

He let the conversation play out, listening carefully for the moment he might drop the bomb on Sam. Surprisingly, Cas kept the soulmate marks to himself. Dean internally scolded himself for not trusting Cas’ judgment more. He wasn't very experienced at being a human, but he wasn’t a moron.  

When the conversation died down, and they reached for their food, Dean took the time to explain the bag full of items sitting next to their breakfast. 

“I got you some human stuff. A toothbrush, a razor, some deodorant. The good stuff, not anything that’s going to make you smell like a douchebag.” Dean gestured to the bag with his burrito. “Just a few hygiene products. When you get ready for a shower just grab some clothes and my shaving kit out of my duffel. There's shampoo and body wash in there.”

“Thank you, Dean. I think I will eat before I take a shower,” Cas said, biting into his burrito. Dean was proud that he remembered how much Cas loved them last time he was human, and it seemed that hadn’t changed. 

“You remember how to shower, right? You don’t need any help do you?” Dean cringed at the implication. He hoped Sam wasn’t paying attention, but based on the way he was choking on his coffee, his brother definitely noticed the accidental innuendo. 

Cas smirked. “I was around well before running water, Dean. I think I can figure out the hot and cold knobs.”  

Relief flooded through Dean. Sweet innocent Cas, of course, he wouldn’t have seen Dean’s comment as some sort of sexual advance. How is it that one being could be so hopelessly adorable and equally terrifying? 

Dean tried not to chide himself for thinking Cas was adorable. 

_ Calling a friend adorable isn’t creepy. I have thought Sam was adorable since the day he was born. If I can think one brother is adorable I can feel the other one is, too. I think Kori is adorable. Yeah, this is fine. “Adorable” is an excellent word to use for friends. _

Shortly after starting breakfast Kori crawled out of bed, glaring at everyone in the room. She took the last cup of coffee and scurried off into the bathroom. 

Dean laughed, asking Sam, “So I guess she isn’t a morning person?” 

“Yeah, I guess not,” Sam said with a dopey grin. 

Cas chimed in, “I think I have that in common with her. Waking up is awful.”

Both brothers laughed. Life on the road didn’t exactly lend itself to many restful nights. Being tired was a standard way of the Winchester life. Although, since staying at the bunker Dean and Sam had learned to try and get comfortable while sleeping. No longer sleeping fully clothed in case they had to run from the cops or other crazed hunters breaking in to shoot them. Most of their nights were spent getting a fitful four hours of sleep, and then it was off to the next town. 

Dean was more than ready to put that life behind him, even though he felt guilty about wanting to leave the life. Knowing that there will be people, maybe a lot of people, that would die because of his choice to live a semi-normal life. 

He sat quietly reflecting on what Cas said while the other people in the room made idle chit-chat as they finished their meal. 

_ I do deserve to enjoy the world I saved. Maybe try again. _

The year with Lisa and Ben could have been good, but it wasn't. With Sam around Dean thought he might get to enjoy having a life outside of killing things.

_ I’ll get a house, maybe even plant a garden for Cas. Well until he leaves…again. _

Dean had to remind himself that Cas wasn't going to stay forever. He was just passing the time until he found his soulmate. Dean decided to cut off his thoughts before he angered himself further. He knew Cas was going to leave again, but instead of getting mad and drinking himself stupid, he decided to enjoy what time he did have with his friend. It’s not like he wouldn’t see Cas anymore. Surely he would come back home for holidays and visit. He would bring home his boyfriend and introduce the brothers as his friends, like that could even begin to capture what the ex-angel and hunters were to each other. Dean would threaten to kill the asshole if he ever hurt Cas and mean every word of it. Sam would push Dean aside and welcome the dickwad into their home as if he belonged there.

“Dean, are you okay?” Cas asked, bringing Dean back to the present. 

“Yeah, I was just thinking...doesn’t matter. I’m good,” Dean mumbled. 

“Oookay, I’m going to shower. Can I have the hotel key?” Cas grabbed the bag of toiletries and stood in front of Dean expectantly. 

“Yeah.” Dean reached in his wallet and pulled out the extra key card for their room. 

Cas left without another word, making Dean feel guilty. He didn’t need to snap at his friend when he was only checking to make sure he was okay. 

He heard Sam huff, and braced himself for bitchface number 237. 

“What has you so pissy this morning?” Sam asked. 

“Nothing,” Dean grumbled. “Do we always have to talk about our feelings?”

Sam stood from his seat on the bed and sat in the chair Cas had just vacated. “Not always Dean, but it wouldn’t kill you to open up now and then.”

“It might,” the eldest Winchester barked out. 

Sam seemed to sense Dean wasn’t going to talk about his emotions and changed the subject. “So, it’s going to be weird seeing Cas date, right? I mean….do you think he knows who it is? Are you going to be okay when he leaves again?” 

“Why wouldn’t I be okay? Cas is gone more than he’s around. It won’t be anything new.” He knew he was being petty, but Dean wanted to avoid thinking about Cas leaving, and Sam wouldn’t t let it go. 

“Yeah, but—”

“Sam, it’s fine. Cas will find Mr. Perfect. He will call and come over for the holidays. It’ll be just peachy.” He started gathering the trash around the table to distract himself from the stupid conversation his annoying little brother insisted on having. 

“‘Mr. Perfect?’ Wait, Cas actually told you that his soulmate is a guy?”Sam asked with enthusiasm. 

“Well, I don’t actually know if he knows if it will be a guy or not. He just said he would rather be with a guy. I don’t know if that has any bearing on the situation though. I think your person is just kinda chosen for you. Free will be damned.”

“I don’t know, based on what Cas told me you don’t have to fall in love. You still have a choice. Sometimes two people are just connected. If they don’t fall in love, like they fight against it or whatever, they are still close to each other. They still share a bond. One might say a ‘profound bond.’” Dean glared at Sam’s grin, one he wasn’t even trying to hide. 

“Did he say that—did he say they would have a ‘profound bond’?” His voice was small, and he felt a flush creep across his cheeks. Maybe if Cas were happy with just a profound bond, he would stay for a little while. 

“Well no, I was just paraphrasing what he said. Dean, are you sure you're okay?” Sam asked again. 

Dean knew he loved Kori the second she walked out of the bathroom. Anything to save him from this line of questioning. Talking about Cas and his future love life was making him uncomfortable. 

“I’m sorry, did I interrupt?” she asked, clearly reading the tension in the room.  

“No, we’re finished,” Dean said, walking across the room and dropping the garbage in the can. 

“Sam, I think she looks better in your clothes than you do,” Dean said, thoroughly ending the discussion.

Kori was wearing one of Sam’s flannel shirts, which almost hit her knees. She flashed Dean a big smile and said, “I know. All I need's a belt to cinch the waist.” She pulled at the back of the shirt, making it tighter around her waist. “Flannel dresses are super trendy right now,” she said in a mocking tone. 

Grateful to be off the topic of Cas dating, Dean decided it was the right time to embarrass his brother. “So Kori, Sam and Cas and me. We’re going to take a vacation. Nothing big or fancy, just maybe rent a lake house for the week or something. You in? I’m not sure I can drag Sam away without bringing you along.” He gave her his most charming smile. 

“Dean—” Sam bellowed, turning bright red. 

“I'm kind of offended if that’s the only reason you want me to go. But if that’s a genuine offer, I’d really like that," Kori said earnestly. 

She peeked over at Sam, who jerked his head towards her, “Really, you’d want to go with us? You don’t have to.”

“Yeah, of course. You kind of form a special bond with a person when you help them save the damn world.” She had a cheeky smile, but Dean could tell she was all false bravado. 

There was a glint in Dean’s eye when he said, “One might say a ‘profound bond.’” 

Kori looked between them, as if she decided it wasn’t worth asking about, and went back into the bathroom to finish getting ready.

It wasn’t long before Cas returned and they started planning out their getaway. Sam and Dean still hadn’t discussed if they were going back to the bunker, but Dean had a feeling his brother wouldn’t be opposed to setting up shop in Topeka. Or maybe even Junction City. The bunker would only be three hours away so they could check on it every few weeks. They would have access to the lore if anyone needed it. Dean felt like he should check with Sam soon about starting a real life outside of hunting before he chickened out and found a case. 

“What about Lake Wabaunsee? I have a friend who has a rental down there. I don’t know if it's available, but she can probably direct us to a nice clean place. If you guys want I can text her and see what our options are,” Kori exclaimed from her spot next to Sam at the rickety kitchen table. “There's also Lake Perry, but it’s usually pretty crowded with college douche canoes. Wabaunsee is a little more low key.”

“Lake Perry might be more convenient. We could swing through Topeka and grab some of your stuff. It would make more sense to just drive on through to Perry then going to Topeka and then driving back to Wabaunsee,” Dean said, looking over her shoulder at the map on Sam’s laptop. 

“Ah, we won’t have to drive home to get my things. Lake Wabaunsee is just a straight shot down. I am sure Becca has some clothes I can borrow. And I can pick up anything else I need when we hit the Wal-Mart before setting up the house,” Kori said. She leaned back against the chair crossing her legs. 

“Just like that, you can pack up and be gone for a week? Don’t you have plants or pets you have to worry about? Or some expensive shampoo you can’t live without?” Dean asked in a mocking tone. He knew Kori was a pretty simple girl but wanted to find out just how laid back she was. 

“While I will miss my extremely overpriced shampoo, I think I will be okay without it for a few days. I'm sure Sam has a few shirts and a good shampoo I could use," she teased as she reached out and ran her fingers through his hair.

Sam looked like he was blushing when he asked, “So you are going to make a habit of wearing my clothes?”

Walking toward to door, cellphone in-hand, Kori winked at Sam and purred, "Or not wearing them.” 

Once she was outside Dean turned to Sam, whose mouth was agape. “Dude, I like her.”

“Yeah, me too,” Sam said, ducking his head. 

Kori returned from her phone call and informed everyone that her friend didn’t have any renters, and would be happy to let them stay. She booked them for one week, and her only request was they had to cook Becca a nice meal and pay for the cleaning services after they left.

With a solid plan in place, the four of them grabbed what little possessions they had in the hotel rooms and headed south to their first real vacation. They hadn’t even done Vegas week since Sam got roofied and unknowingly married Becky Rosen. Dean missed his annual pilgrimage to Las Vegas, but was more than happy to spend a quiet week by the lake. 


	4. Chapter 4

Cas had shown up with nothing more than a backpack. Dean doubted there were clothes in there, and knew for certain there weren’t swimming trunks. Not that Dean had a pair either.  He always claimed that he “didn’t do shorts,” but wasn’t going to lounge around at the lake in work boots and multiple layers of flannel. 

As they piled their stuff in the trunk of the Impala, Dean mentally calculated how much they had left on their credit cards. He assumed Sam would need a pack of t-shirts and shorts as well. 

They were fueled up and headed to the lake within the hour, Cas sitting next to Dean in the front seat, Sam and Kori riding in the back. Dean was practically giddy with the excitement of cooking every type of meat he could think of on a grill. It’s not like they didn’t have a grill back at the bunker, but time didn’t lend itself for many cookouts. He had never been able to grill meat, have a cold beer, and not worry about the world ending. 

_ Maybe I can make a potato salad and some sort of baked beans,  _ Dean thought to himself as they barreled down the highway.  _ Do it right, with all the proper fixins’.  _

Everyone else in the car seemed just as excited. They were joking, laughing, and generally enjoying each other’s company. There was even a point where everyone joined in with Dean’s off-key singing. Although Kori and, surprisingly, Cas, didn’t sound half bad.     

They had been driving for a few hours and still had another forty miles to go when Sam popped his head over the bench seat. “So, I was thinking why don’t I drop you three off at the shopping center outside of town? There is a Kohl’s, and Penny’s and a few other places where you can get Cas some nice stuff. We want to make sure he looks good for his new boyfriend. You’ll make sure he picks out clothes that fit him well. You know, stuff that looks good on him and doesn’t just drape off his hips. I’ll grab the groceries and booze.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Look, no offense, but I am not going to go play Mall Madness with Cas. He can pick out his own clothes, can’t you, buddy?” Dean looked over at Cas with a smile. 

He couldn’t ignore the look of hurt in Cas’ eyes when he responded, “Yes, I am sure I can figure it out.”

Dean let out a dramatic sigh. “No, it’s fine, Cas. I’ll help. We can’t have you walking around looking like a bum.”

“Really, I can manage. I found clothes on my own last time I was human—” 

“No, man, I’ll help. Just no montage moments, okay?” 

Cas looked at Dean quizzically, “I assure you, there will be no montage. Thank you, Dean.” 

Dean couldn’t help the ache in his chest. How can something as simple as telling Cas what shirts look good on him draw so much gratitude out of the guy? It reminded him that they had not always treated as one of the family. He had been told that plenty of times, but had Dean ever shown him? 

 

***

 

Dean pulled into a spot at the back of the shopping center and turned around, looking at Sam. “Don’t get just rabbit food. I’m teaching Cas about the finer things in life, like good food and good whiskey.”

“Oh, and good sex,” Kori said, eyes trained on Cas. Sam let out a loud, ruckus laugh. 

“Wait, that came out wrong. I don’t mean you need to show Cas good sex. I just mean the finer things in life are good food, good booze, and good sex. Although I am sure Cas probably does need to be shown the finer points of physical intimacy, I just didn’t mean—”

“You’re only digging yourself deeper,” Sam gasped as his laughter broke. 

She looked up at Cas, who was bright pink. “I’m sorry Cas. I babble. I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”

“It’s fine. You are not wrong. There is still so much I do not know.” Cas rubbed at the back of his neck, eyes trained on nothing in particular. 

Dean scowled at Kori before turning to Cas, “That’s why you have us. We’re gonna teach you those things. I mean, uh, not everything. Some things you have to figure out on your own, but most things. All of us will help you.” Dean slapped Cas on the shoulder, “Now, let’s go get you sexy for Mr. Perfect.”

“You keep referring to him as Mr. Perfect. Is that a reference I should know? You thought you slipped by with the 90s teenage girl board game, but I understood that reference. ‘Mr. Perfect,’ however, isn’t something I am familiar with based on the information Metatron downloaded to me. I can assure you though, Dean, he isn’t perfect.”

Dean stared at Cas, taking a second to think about Sam’s question. Maybe Cas did know who his soulmate was. Perhaps that was why he wasn’t rushing off to find him. Hell, Cas had left them for far less. Maybe Cas was just sticking around until Mr. Perfect was ready for him. Would Cas know when that was?

To hide his inner turmoil about Cas leaving again, probably sooner rather than later, Dean deflected. “I think I liked you more when you didn’t understand that reference.” He threw a playful wink at his friend. 

_ Winks can be playful, right? They are not always flirty. Right, friends can wink. Just another thing to add to the list of things friends can do. They can be adorable, and they can wink. _

Before driving away, Sam rolled the window down and called Dean over and out of earshot of everyone else. “Hey, make sure to encourage Cas to pick his own style. Don’t make fun of anything he wants to try on. Not everyone finds plaid as appealing as you do.”

“There is nothing wrong with a good plaid shirt, Sam. It goes with everything. We are trying to land Cas a decent guy. I’m not going to let him look like some hipster douche,” Dean huffed, feeling defensive.

“I’m pretty sure Cas’ soulmate would like him even in his old trench coat and blue tie. So if that’s what’s comfortable to Cas, let him buy some slacks and ties. Don’t force him to be a rugged looking lumberjack.”   

“Okay, alright. Cas stays the Holy Tax Accountant. Got it.” Dean turned, shaking his head as he walked back towards the store that Cas and Kori already entered. He felt like Sam was trying to force him to be more gentle with Cas, to be softer and more kind. And while, sure, Cas deserved someone to be nice to him, he wasn’t made out of glass. Cas was the most badass person Dean knew. Even more than Sam or himself. Just because he was dealing with human emotions, didn’t make him any less fierce. 

Dean changed his mind, however, when he walked into Kori explaining the concept of a sale to Cas. Apparently, in all his infinite wisdom he couldn’t understand why the price of the item _ wasn’t just clearly marked on the tag. _

“Of course I can do simple math. I simply don’t understand why, if the jeans are thirty percent cheaper, that price isn’t reflected on the tag.” 

Kori looked at Dean, pleading for help. Explaining American consumerism to a former angel is not what she signed up for when agreeing to come on this vacation. 

“Cas, retail pricing is a project to tackle another day. You’re not wrong, and it doesn’t make sense. But that’s the way it is. Let’s focus on finding some pants that fit you. Don’t worry about the cost. It’s not like it’s our money anyway.” Dean put both hands on Cas’ shoulder, directing him to a different section of the store. 

Kori laughed and wished them luck as she walked away.

“I don’t understand how to find my size, Dean. What do these numbers mean? This is very frustrating.” Cas held up two different pairs of jeans, scowling at the numbers labeled down the leg of the pants. “It was easier to lay siege into Hell than it is to figure out clothes shopping.”

“It’s not that complicated once you figure out your size. Here, gimme those.” Dean snatched the garment out of Cas’ left hand. “These will be too small. You’re going to need some extra room for your thighs.”

Cas looked down at his body, and back up at Dean. “What’s wrong with my thighs?” 

Dean gulped. “Nothing. Nothing is wrong with your thighs. They’re just big. I mean, like muscular. Just trust me okay. Try those on.” He gestured to the pants Cas was still holding. 

Cas shrugged and took his pants to the dressing room. Dean browsed around and grabbed a few simple t-shirts, a polo, and a button down. He took Sam’s advice and got an array of colors and styles for Cas to try. 

Dean knocked on the door of the dressing room. “I brought you a few shirts to—” he trailed off as Cas pulled the door open. Dean had leaned in to talk through the door and found himself face to face with a bare-chested Castiel. His eyes trailed down the man's naked torso, seeing that he had answered his knock before buttoning his jeans. 

“I don’t think these fit. They are uncomfortable when I button them.” Cas pulled at the fabric stretched across his junk. “I think one size larger will work.”

Dean’s mouth went dry, and he had to pull his gaze away from his friend's crotch. He had no idea Cas had such a muscular body. Not chiseled abs, but toned and firm, with just a faint hint of meaty flesh around his hips. 

“Dean?” Cas asked, eyes boring into the other man. 

“Huh?” Dean shook himself from his stupor. “Ah, what did you say?” 

“I asked if you could get me a bigger size?” 

“Oh yeah, sure.” Dean hadn’t even taken one step before Cas called out for him. He turned, making sure to keep his eyes on Cas’ face. 

“Yeah?” he asked. 

“I can try on those shirts while you get me the right size.” Cas reached his hand out to take the hangers from Dean’s grasp. 

“Oh yeah. Uh, just set aside what you want. You don’t have to like these. They're mostly for sizing.” 

“Thank you,” Cas ducked his head as if to hide his grin. 

 

~~~~~~

 

After Dean helped Cas figure out his size, the rest of the shopping trip was mostly uneventful. Cas picked out three pairs of everyday casual jeans, and a pair of dark denim Dean insisted on. Cas assured his friend he didn’t need to worry about “date clothing,” but Dean had persisted. Sometimes it was just easier to go along with what Dean said than to argue with him. Cas thought picking out clothes was pretty easy once he figured out the sizing. He felt a little embarrassed by his earlier frustration. 

He ended up with a few pairs of shorts, three t-shirts, a pack of black undershirts, and several plaid button downs, which was all Cas’ doing. The brothers always wore plaid, and they both usually looked nice. Even if they were going off to hunt monsters, they wore good clothes. Cas idly wondered if that was one of the only niceties Dean allowed himself. 

A pack of socks, and a very awkward conversation leading to the decision of a package of boxer briefs, and Cas was set. He was new at being human, but he didn’t understand why the talk of genital size made Dean so uncomfortable. It wasn’t exactly a conversation he loved either, but he couldn’t understand Dean’s bright red face. Cas had never seen the hunter blush so much as when he proclaimed he was concerned his genitalia wouldn’t fit in the first size of underwear he had picked up. He wasn’t trying to brag or show off, as he sometimes knew human men would do. He just merely knew the anatomy of his own body. Dean had to inform Cas that he was holding women's underwear, and probably shouldn’t let the whole store know his dick was too big to fit in a pair of bikini briefs. 

Dean was even more embarrassed when Cas complained that it seemed ridiculous that women’s panties had different fabrics, styles, and colors. He stated men’s boxers were boring and wanted something soft like the satiny like the women’s underwear he picked up on accident. Dean walked away without responding, but not before rubbing the fabric through his fingers and rocking his head to the side in what seemed like agreement. 

Dean had a handful of items for himself and Sam when they found Kori waiting at the register. Cas could see the restraint on her face as she started to speak, but Dean’s glare cut her off. She was probably going to make a comment about the men taking longer to shop than the woman. Which was clearly another stereotype that wasn’t true. 

The cashier gave them a strange look when they piled everything on the small table at the register. There were several packs of socks, different packages of boxers, and t-shirts and three different sizes of shorts. Not that the bored teen was paying attention, but Cas imagined most people didn’t buy so much in one stop. 

He couldn’t stop smiling as Dean grudgingly threw the last item down. A pair of blue satin boxers. Cas considered thanking Dean, but as he opened his mouth to speak, Dean leveled him with his gaze. So Cas nodded and turned away, fighting his own blush. As tough as Dean was, he was also a very kind and caring man. He just pretended as though he wasn’t.  

“Thank you,” Cas mumbled for the millionth time as the left the store. 

Waiting for Sam to return was taking longer than they expected, so they decided to walk next door to a frozen yogurt shop. Cas had never tried the frozen treat but instantly fell in love. Both Dean and Kori laughed at his enthusiasm as he gobbled it down. 

Dean looked at him with such fondness it almost hurt. Cas wished he could just tell Dean he was the one Cas was waiting for. Dean had brought up finding his Mr. Perfect several times, and it took all of Castiel's strength not to shout at Dean— _ you’re him. It's not about men or being gay, it's just simply you, Dean Winchester.  _

But Castiel knew he had to let Dean come to the realization on his own. If he ever did come to realize, the more significant challenge would be if he would accept the truth. Cas couldn’t help the sad expression that fell over his face. The idea of Dean finding out they were connected, and not choosing to be with him, was scarier than the war he fought against Raphael. Just because two people shared the same marks did not guarantee love. The potential was there, but as Chuck designed humans, it all came down to free will. 

“You get a brain freeze?” Dean chuckled. 

“What? No,” Castiel tilted his head to the side, wondering what Dean had been talking about. 

“I dunno, you just got a weird face. Never mind.” Dean blushed and looked away. That was something Dean had been doing a lot of lately, and Cas hated that he thought it was cute. It was a soft, vulnerable side of Dean that he hardly saw. 

“It’s fine. Just thinking about the future really. I suppose I should go through the documents Chuck gave me. I am not sure what’s in the bag,” Cas deflected, knowing that bringing up Chuck would distract Dean. 

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. Let’s just wait until we are far away from anyone else. Who the hell knows what Chuck stuffed in there.” 

Cas nodded, glad to be on a different topic. He had been thinking of a way to tell Dean that finding his soulmate wasn’t as important as spending time with his family. He wanted to tell Dean that he was going to make him a priority, without saying the hunter was the one he would be waiting for. In Cas’ mind, he would be waiting forever for Dean to come around. 

He didn’t even believe it was because he was a man, which played a part, but he imagined Dean would be open-minded enough to accept his soulmate as a man. What Cas suspected would be the biggest issue for Dean was that he didn’t believe he deserved to be loved. Even Crowley knew he deserved love, but Dean would never deem himself worthy. Cas thought if maybe he could stick around and show his friend that it was his choice to stay, his decision to love him—then Dean could finally see his own value.

Though, Cas knew that wasn’t entirely true. He never had a choice in loving Dean. It was impossible not to love him. Dean had done more for him than any of his family. Loved him and accepted him with all his flaws. His rebellion, his many mistakes, his rapidly decreasing power. None of that mattered to Dean. He was a firm believer that the ends would always justify the means, no matter how bad those means were. If Cas had good intentions, Dean would always forgive. Eventually.  


	5. Chapter 5

Sam showed up shortly after they finished their frozen yogurt, and they all piled back into the car. They were getting close to their destination, and Dean could feel everyone's excitement. It was one of the best road trips he could remember. 

There was a lull in conversation when Sam leaned forward and asked, “Dean, did I ever tell you about Tommy?” 

“No, who’s that?” Dean replied from the front seat. 

“He was a friend from back at Stanford. We met in a bookstore. He had a stack of books on the occult and a bunch of folklore texts. I ran right into him and knocked the books out of his hand,” Sam said with a chuckle.

“He was this timid, shy kid and he turned bright red. He looked me straight in the face and said  _ I don’t worship the devil or anything. It’s just a hobby. _ I tried not to laugh in his face, you know; if he only knew what I was running from. He had this one book about demon hierarchy. I commented on it, and he just stared at me. I had to make up something, so I didn’t seem like a freak, so I told him dad had a Ph.D. in Demon mythology and the occult. I didn’t even know if that was a real thing, but he seemed to buy it. Plus, it wasn’t that far off from the truth. Dad had enough knowledge.”

Dean nodded in agreement. John had basically been the best hunter in the business—his years of experience and knowledge would equate to a Ph.D. 

“So anyway,” Sam continued. “We spend the next few hours having coffee in the bookstore and just talking about demons and monsters. As I said, he was shy at first, but really opened up after a little while and we were having fun. So before I left, he asked me for my number. This was before I met Jess, and didn’t have any real friends there yet, so I got pretty excited and wrote my number on his hand.” Sam ducked his head, pink staining his cheeks. 

“So for the next few weeks, we hung out a couple of times a week. We would do stuff like going to the IMAX to watch a movie about storm chasing, go out to dinner, and we even went to a museum I had wanted to go to.”

“It sounds like you were dating,” Cas interrupted.

“Shuddup, dude. He was a cool guy. He helped me study, and we got along really well. We would send texts and make plans to hang out. It was almost like I got to be myself around him. I didn’t tell him about hunting, but it wasn’t weird that I knew so much about the supernatural. He was the only real friend I ever had. That’s wasn’t my older brother.”

Sam caught Dean’s eye in the rearview mirror and smiled at him. Dean had not only been his brother and father figure growing up, but he was also Sam’s best friend.

“So this one night, we got invited to a party. We had been hanging out for a few weeks, and he was almost like a different guy. He wasn’t as shy and talked to people more. He could be quite charming. So he decided he wanted us to go.

“Turns out Tommy had never really drunk, so about four shots in he was getting pretty wasted. I don’t know how much he had to drink after those four shots because I was feeling pretty buzzed myself. At some point, he had gotten so drunk that I had to get him out of there. His apartment was only a few blocks away, so we walked back to his place. He passed out the second I sat him on the couch. I didn’t want to leave him there alone that drunk, so I just went and slept in his bed.”

Sam took a breath before he kept going, “A few hours later I woke up to him crawling into his bed. I thought to myself  _ It’s fine. This is a big bed. I'm progressive. Two friends can share a bed while they are both trashed.  _ So I fell right back to sleep. But when I woke up in the morning with a hangover from hell, I was hot. Like burning up hot, so hot, it made me feel sick. So I dashed out of bed to the bathroom and hugged the toilet for the next twenty minutes." Sam ducked his head trying to hide his blush. 

“Tommy stumbled into the bathroom, threw some sweats and a t-shirt at me and told me to take a shower. At that moment nothing sounded better than a cold shower. As I started to wake up in the shower, it dawned on me the reason I was so hot was that Tommy had been wrapped around me. His arm was around my waist and his leg thrown over mine. I think I was in denial at that point because I just thought he forgot it was me in the bed. Maybe he thought it was his last girlfriend or something.” Sam took a moment to shake his head a chuckled before finishing his story. 

“When I walked into the kitchen fresh out of the shower Tommy was leaning against the sink in nothing but his boxers. He told me to eat while he got a shower. He made a huge plate of bacon, eggs, and toast and a greasy breakfast sounded amazing. He couldn’t have been gone more than ten minutes before he came back in the kitchen to eat. He had changed into some gym shorts but still hadn’t put a shirt on. Ha, I remember actually being surprised at how ripped the guy was. You would never have been able to tell under all his polo and khaki. So before he sat down to eat his breakfast, he kissed me on the top of my head and stroked my hair. I sat there stunned for a bit. I didn’t say much and just sort of stared at him. I started cataloging everything we had done together. Things that I thought were just friends hanging out had actually been dates. I had been dating this guy for almost a month. I never thought anything of the causal touching or the prolonged eye contact. The weird part is after I realized I had been dating him, I wasn’t like grossed out or anything. I liked him and enjoyed spending time with him. So I thought I would just kind of go with it.”

“Wait wait, what? You thought you would ‘go with it’? Sam, you can’t just go with it and be gay all of a sudden,” Dean glared at his brother through the rearview mirror. 

“Sure you can, Dean. Not every guy who decides he likes guys has to go through to big gay freakout. Although technically I wasn’t gay, I would have been bisexual.”

“What do you mean you ‘would have been bi’? You are confusing the shit outta me, Sam," Dean barked. He had to force himself to stare out the window rather than looking back at his brother. 

“Well if you would just shut up and let me finish my story you’ll understand. So I ended up staying the rest of the day at Tommy’s place. There wasn’t like cuddling or anything. I figured he was just being shy again. I didn’t know what to do so I just sat on the couch with him, and we watched bad TV. It was actually kind of nice. I mean there wasn’t pressure to make-out or go further, so I just hung out with him like I always did. We laughed, ate Chinese, and I stayed until almost midnight. He asked me to stay over again, but I needed to process everything. I didn’t have a big gay freak out as I said, but I did need to kind of think about the situation. I mean I found him attractive, he was almost as tall as I was, so I wouldn’t have to bend down to kiss him, which is a big plus by the way.” Sam smiled looking down at Kori.

“Hey,” she shouted, giving him a playful shove. 

Sam smiled at her before finishing his story. “So as I went to leave he walked me to the door. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was going to try and kiss me. I kind of froze when he hugged me and then slid his face over and touched my lips. It felt weird. His body was too big, too firm, and he was trying to dominate the kiss. I thought maybe that’s what I didn’t like about it. So I tried to take over control, but that didn’t help. I stood there sharing this decent kiss with this guy for a few minutes. I just didn’t like it. I didn’t hate it, I wasn’t grossed out by it, and he wasn’t a bad kisser. I just didn’t enjoy it. That night I had to have the most awkward conversation I have ever had in my life.  _ Hey, Tommy. I didn’t know we were dating until like ten hours ago. No man, I actually do like you. I thought I would like kissing you. It just turns out I don’t like dudes.  _ He took it pretty well. Said he was sorry for not making it more clear that he was trying to date me. We hung out a little after that, but I always made it weird. Things got a little easier when he started seeing someone, and I met Jess. We stayed friends until the night I left with you. And that’s the story of how I was bisexual for ten hours.”

Everyone in the car was laughing. Leave it to Sam to accidentally date some poor guy and then let him down easy. 

“Human sexuality is very confusing,” Cas said from the front seat. 

“I dated a girl for a while. She was complicated and very high maintenance. Not only physically, but emotionally. She kinda turned me off of women for a while. I still hooked up with girls after that, but never had a relationship with one again. Not that I wouldn’t ever again, it just never worked out that way,” Kori added. 

“Looks like you’re the odd man out, Dean.” Sam reached forward and slapped his hand against Dean’s shoulder. 

“Being one-hundred percent hetero is for losers,” Sam teased.

“I hardly think one kiss makes you bisexual, Sam. You didn’t even like it,” Dean said as he rolled his eyes.

_ I don’t have anything to prove to them. I like what I like. Why the hell am I feeling defensive for not being at least a little bi? _

Dean tried to tune out the other three in the car as they talked about past dating experiences. Cas had only ever been with one other person, and she killed him after she took his virginity. So he mostly just had questions for Sam and Kori.

It made Dean feel a little left out that Cas wasn’t asking him those types of questions. He was the one teaching the guy to be human. Maybe Cas was scared Dean would yell at him for bringing up the only relationship he’s even known Dean to have. Lisa had always been a topic Dean refused to talk about, and it’s not like his friend was looking for advice on a one night stand. If he needed to know anything about a one night stand, Dean Winchester was the man with all the information. But when it came to actual relationships, like the one Cas was seeking out, he had nothing on the topic. 

His one attempt at a real life was a sham. He just needed something to fill the void in his heart after the loss of Sam. He was never meant to be with Lisa, which is why he would never talk about her or his year off. 

_ I doubt she even had those stupid love marking things. I guess I would have them though. Cas said most vessels have them, and then gave me a pained constipated look. Like he didn’t want to be the one to tell me I might have someone out there. Shit. I wonder if Cas knows who she is. If that’s why his face screwed up like he just lost a finger. Or worse, I probably already met her and she’s dead or something.  _

“Dean, did you hear me?” Kori cried. 

“What?” Dean jerked his head, worried his expression would give away what he’d been thinking.

“That was our turn.” She turned and pointed to the left side of the car. 

“Shit,” Dean murmured, slamming the breaks. He’d only missed the turn by about fifty yards. They had turned off the highway onto a county road about ten miles back. Now they were turning onto an even smaller access road that Dean assumed would lead them to the house. The lake had been visible a few miles back, but all Dean could see—other than the turnoff—were tall, lush, green trees.  

Dean threw the car in reverse and backed up until he was able to make the turn onto the old dirt road. The road wasn’t long, but because Dean had to drive slow to avoid any undue strain on his baby’s suspension, it took them several long minutes before the house finally came into view. 

Dean had been expecting a small cottage within walking distance to the water. But he had to suck in a breath at the sight of the white and grey barn house. It was a beautiful two-story home with grey siding and white trim. The second story had two small peaks on each side, and in the middle was a barn shaped peak with large arched windows across the whole front of the second story, and a balcony in the middle. 

The bottom level had just as many windows, if not more. The entire front of the house was encased by a large fenced-off deck. The wide concrete steps were in the middle of the deck and led down across an immaculately trimmed lawn. Across the expansive space of the front yard was a private dock. 

Though this was a popular lake, they seemed to be off in a secluded corner. 

“Why didn’t you tell us we were staying in a mansion?” Dean asked, still in awe of the beautiful home. He was suddenly happy he bought them all new clothes. Their stuff probably would have stained the sheets or made the house smell like death and sadness. 

“It’s been years since I’ve been here. It was not this nice when we came here as kids.” Kori sounded as pleased as Dean. 

“Let’s get this stuff inside and go swimming,” Sam said, with an enormous grin. 

Dean loved seeing his little brother this happy. He had spent almost forty years making sure Sam was alive. And even failed at that a few times. Now, he wanted to spend the next however many years they had left doing all he could to see that smile every time he was with Sam. They hadn’t talked about it, but Dean would follow Sam wherever he wanted to go. He assumed it was going to be Topeka, as close to Kori as possible. With how adventurous she was, who knew what the outcome would be. Even if they ended up in Montana—and he really hoped they didn’t, his baby was too old for those harsh winters—he would happily follow their lead. He hoped Cas was as willing to travel as he was. 

They all loaded their arms full of shopping bags, and after just two trips everything was piled in the kitchen across the island and dining room table. Dean couldn’t wait to use the top of the line gas range stove. There was a double oven set off in the wall across the kitchen. The island had a vegetable sink and one of those fancy touch faucets. Sam had to tell Dean to stop playing in the water in the kitchen. The sooner they got the food put away, the quicker they could get in the lake. It was motivation enough to get Dean moving. 

Thought the house was huge, with a living room decorated in matching white and grey, a TV room with pallet beds that look like they came right out off of someone's Pinterest board. Not Dean’s of course, he only used the app for recipes. The bedroom situation was…strange. There were several bedrooms, but most had bunks or double beds. There was one single couple room on the second floor, which Kori claimed instantly, saying she and Sam needed the king-sized bed so Sam’s feet didn’t dangle off the end. 

Sam turned bright red and didn’t say anything about the sleeping arrangements. But Dean knew his brother well enough to see the relief of being invited to stay with her. The first floor only seemed to hold bunks and beds small enough for children. 

Then there was the basement. That was Dean’s favorite part of the house. There was a bar, a pool table, and two bedrooms down there. One had a single queen-sized bed that he insisted Cas take, and the other had two double beds with twin bunks above. It wasn’t exactly his memory foam from the bunker, but he was sure the beds would be comfortable. Cas had no objections to his sleeping quarters and took his shopping bags and overstuffed backpack to his designated bedroom. 

“Get changed, and meet me in the kitchen. I’m not waiting for the lovebirds,” Dean shouted before closing the door to his room. The space was cramped but nice. Instead of a ladder to the top bunks, there were a set of stairs. He wondered what kinds of families rented this place out the rest of the year. People who had a ton of kids? Families that pulled their money together all year and saved for a taste of the finer things? He allows his mind to drift for a few moments, wondering what his life would have been like if Mary never died. Would they have gone to a place like this? Or maybe even this exact house? Would he have gotten married and brought his kids to the lake for summer vacation? He liked to think that was the kind of life he would have lived. It wasn’t something he usually allowed himself—dreaming about what could have been—but it was hard to keep those thoughts away when he was as close to living that life as he had ever been.

He was pulled from his reverie when he heard Cas walk by. Dean quickly threw on his swimming trunks and dug out the sunscreen from one of the bags. He would unpack later—probably tomorrow.

He walked in on Cas pouring a beer over a glass full of ice. “What are you doing?” Dean asked, horror lacing his voice. 

“The beer isn’t cold yet,” Cas said as if that explained everything. 

“It’s going to water down your beer and look, it’s foaming like crazy.” Dean pointed to the glass. 

Cas shrugged. “It’s not exactly quality beer, and a little foam won’t kill me. Plus I don’t plan on sipping it.” He picked up the glass and began chugging. 

Well, that’s one way to catch a quick buzz. 

Cas may not mind the foam, but Dean was going to wait until the beer was cold before he enjoyed one. 

“Come on. I want to get back and start dinner before it gets too late.” Dean put his hand in the center of Cas’ back and pushed him towards the door. He caught himself before the touched lingered just this side of awkward and pulled his hand back quickly. 

Cas turned back and squinted, giving Dean one of his brightest smiles. He couldn’t help but mirror the expression. They all had many reasons to smile, and he was going to take advantage of that while it lasted. 

Dean felt like a little kid walking down the dock. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been swimming in fresh open water. He teased Cas about needed floaties but was not-so-secretly worried that his friend might really need them. Cas being human for one day had already been stressful for Dean. He imagined as long as the former angel was around, Dean would spend most of his time fussing over him. Cas tended to say he knew how to do things when he did not know how to do them. He was too worried about burdening Sam or Dean to open up about the things he couldn’t do. Pretending to know how to make oatmeal and burning it was one thing, a lesson learned. But jumping into a lake without knowing how to stay afloat was something completely different. 

“Dean, I already told you, I know how to swim,” Cas assured him once they were halfway down the dock. 

Dean froze, causing Cas to sidestep to avoid running into him. “I thought you couldn’t read minds?”

“I can’t,” Cas laughed. “I just know you well enough to know you are worrying unnecessarily.” Cad beamed at him before dropping his towel and popping open the lid of the sunscreen, pouring a generous amount in his palm. 

“Fine, drown for all I care.” Dean gave Cas a cheeky wink before dropping his towel and running the remainder of the dock, cannonballing into the water once he reached the edge. 

Cas laughed out loud at Dean’s antics. He rubbed the cream carelessly across his body and face. He was still chuckling before he shot down the dock, jumping in just close enough to make sure he splashed Dean in the face. 

Dean coughed and spat out the water that got in his mouth from Cas’ version of a cannonball. He was thoroughly grossed out and plotting his revenge when he noticed Cas hadn’t surfaced. Dean instantly started to panic, thinking Cas really didn’t know how to swim. He was frantically looking around, but the water was too murky to see through. 

He felt something wrap around his ankle and before he had time to figure out what was happening, he was pulled under. Fear clenched around his heart as he remembered the ghost from the haunted lake so many years before. 

_ Of fucking course! We would have to vacation at a haunted lake. I’m never going to escape this shit. I just want a normal fucking life. _

Dean hadn’t been pulled under very far, and only moments passed before he broke the surface. Dean was slightly disoriented, but when he heard chuckling to his left, it dawned on him it was Cas that pulled him under. He was so relieved that the lake wasn’t haunted and holding Cas hostage, that he laughed along with Cas. 

He was still grinning when he paddled his way towards Cas, feral look in his eyes. Cas was going to pay. 

“Dean, don’t!” Cas exclaimed. “It was just a joke. No. Dean, stop!” 

The hunter had a devilish smirk on his face as he swam after Cas. He reached out under the water and caught hold of Cas’ calf and pulled him back. 

“No, Dean. I’m sorry,” Cas begged through his laughter. 

Dean pulled Cas close to him, smiled, put both hands on Cas’ head, and dunked him underwater. He held Cas there for a few seconds before letting go. Cas popped back up, giving Dean a death glare as his spit lake water in Dean’s direction. 

Both men were laughing and splashing each other. Cas tried to mimic the way Dean dunked him, but slipped and splashed into the water face first. Dean couldn’t pass up the opportunity and pushed his friend under once more. 

“Dammit, Dean. Stop,” Cas demanded with no real fire behind his words. 

“Hey man, you started it.” Dean was treading water right next to Cas. Their shoulders were bumping. 

“And I’m ending it. Truce?” Cas suggested turning to face Dean. The waves seemed to keep pushing them closer together, leaving Dean an open target. 

“Okay, truce. But I’m not shaking your hand. I don’t trust you not to use my vulnerability against me,” Dean said jokingly, and instantly regretted it. 

A solemn expression crossed Cas’ face. “Dean, you have to know I would never intentionally use your vulnerability against you.” 

Dean felt like an asshole. He was joking, but given their history, it wasn’t a good one. 

“No, man. I know. Sorry, I didn’t mean it.” Dean reached his hand out for Cas to take. 

Cas pressed his palm against Dean’s curling his pruney fingers around the other man's hand. They were only inches apart, and Dean felt his heart rate pick up. It was a charged moment, and he wasn’t sure what it meant, but it was too precious to mess up. 

He and Cas shared plenty of long glances before, but none were like this, nothing this close. He had been holding Cas’ hand the whole time, and couldn’t bring himself to pull away. 

A slow smile spread across Cas’ face, and Dean noticed, a moment too late, he’d been betrayed. Cas used Dean’s hand to pull him close and push down on his shoulders, giving Dean just enough time to close his mouth before going under. He was sick of drinking lake water. 

He could hear Cas’ muffled laughter from underwater. He tried to wiggle out of Cas’ hold, grabbing for purchase on anything he could reach. He put his hands on Cas’ chest and pushed back as hard as he could. Cas, realizing Dean’s struggle, let go, and Dean floated up right next to him. 

“Alright, dude, truce. For real this time, before this gets outta hand. One of us is bound to get hurt. Probably you.” 

“It’s cute you think you can overpower me,” Cas gloated. 

“One. When did you start saying cute? And Two. I had no idea your chest was carved outta marble. All the more reason to call a truce.” Dean groaned at his statement. What a weird thing to say to your half-naked friend. 

“Dean, I’m human now. Clearly, my chest his not carved from marble. I have the same human anatomy as you—” Cas trailed off. “Oh, you were joking.” 

Dean chuckled, “Yeah. Just commenting on how toned you are.” 

_ Fuck! Could I make this any more awkward? _

Dean was saved from further humiliation when he heard Kori squeal. He turned just in time to see Sam throwing her in.

The group stayed in the water, laughing and splashing until their skin started to wrinkle. Further down the lake, there was a floating dock that Dean swam towards. As much as he loved his family and goofing around with them, he needed a moment alone. He was happy, truly happy, for the first time in his life and it was more overwhelming than he expected. 

He pulled himself from the water onto the dock, dripping a puddle on the old weathered wood. He idly wondered if he anyone would mind him sanding and repainting the planks. He grinned at the thought of home repairs. Not just fixing a door jamb before the family gets home and notices a break in, but real projects. Painting a deck, hell, building a deck. A place where everyone could gather to eat and drink without worry. 

He watched Kori and Cas team up in splashing Sam, and wishing things would always be that easy. Just the four of them. Dean laid back and closed his eyes, feeling the late afternoon sun warm his face. Wondering if he could ever get used to the fifth person Cas would be bringing into their lives. 

Dean felt the dock shift and heard Sam’s familiar grunt as he pulled himself up and settled next to Dean. Sam sat quietly for a moment, the distant laughter from Kori and Cas drifting across the lake.

“You bring me a beer?” Dean asked as a way of letting Sam know it was safe to talk. 

“Nah, they still weren’t cold when we came down.” 

Dean hummed, not opening his eyes. 

“Those two are gonna be trouble,” Sam said lightheartedly. Dean still had his eyes closed but could imagine Sam’s dopey grin. 

“They already are,” Dean’s voice was saturated with fondness.

“I still can’t believe we did it, man. Normal lives, what’s that even look like?” Sam settled in next to Dean, draping his legs over the edge and dipping his feet into the cool water. 

“Settling down? I don’t even know if I can do that. I’ve tried, you know. But it never felt right, knowing what’s out there? This time it’s different though. It feels right. Jobs, friends, relationships, all these things we couldn’t have before and looking us in the face. I’ll be damned if that isn’t scarier than some of the apocalyptic shit we’ve faced. Scarier than you as a demon, that’s for sure.” Sam nudged Dean’s shoulder, chuckling at his own joke. 

“You got a girl now, Sammy. That shit’s scary.” 

“There’s been a girl before, but as lame as it sounds, it’s different this time.” 

Dean cracked his eyes opened peering at Sam just as his brother ducked his head, clearly embarrassed by his confession. 

“Maybe she’s your soulmate.” Dean barked out a laugh, earning a puzzled look from Sam. 

“I don’t know, Dean. Maybe. Cas has a soulmate, why not me? I mean hell, if anyone deserves a soulmate it’s us.” Sam elbowed his brother. 

“Nah, I don’t buy into that shit. But you and Cas go live it up.” He turned away not wanting Sam to see his scowl. He wasn't in the mood to talk about Cas' impending departure. 

“You don’t give yourself enough credit, Dean. You deserve something more just as much as anyone. If not more—” 

“Come on,” Dean interrupted.

“No, I’m serious, dude. I don’t know what it is with you and Cas. Why you both feel so undeserving.”  Sam pulled his legs up and tucked them under himself, turning to face Dean. 

“You got that right, Cas deserves to be happy.” Dean ignored Sam’s open body language and drew into himself further, pretending he got a chill from the breeze. The sun was setting, and he was ready to be done with the conversation and start dinner. 

“I see your deflection. But yeah, you’re right. Cas does deserve to be happy. Talk about the ultimate sacrifice for love. Giving up heaven? That guy has made more tough decisions than either of us combined. I mean, going all the way back to the beginning and dragging your ass from the pit. He commanded an entire garrison, just to save your ass,” Sam said, giving Dean a playful shove. 

“Those were just his orders. It’s not like he chose to go all G.I. Joe.”

“G.I. means govern—nevermind.” Sam shook his head. “But you don’t know that, Dean. Maybe he did choose that as his mission. Regardless, it brought you two together. Seems like no matter what situation he gets into, whatever bad decision he's made—” Dean started to interrupt, but Sam leveled him with a look. 

“Even if for the right reason, it always leads him back to you. He’s the best friend you’ve ever had Dean. He cares about you as much as I do. Hell, sometimes I even wonder if he doesn’t beat me on the ‘who needs Dean more’ scale.” 

Dean stared at Sam unable to respond. He wasn’t wrong, no matter how bad Cas fucked up, they always ended up fighting side by side. Sam didn’t seem to realize that was Dean’s problem. This time Cas wasn’t coming back. 

Sam took a long moment before continuing, “Shit, how many times has heaven tried to get him to kill you? There was Hannah, and he flat out refused her. Gave up his whole command. Not to mention the time he overcame mind control. The guy's practically a superhero. No matter what gets thrown at him, he beats it. Whatever gets thrown at  _ us, _ he beats it. We owe him our lives. You, countless times over. He’s spent every second since he’s known you, trying not to hurt you. So yeah, if anyone deserves love, it’s Cas.” 

Dean’s nose scrunched up as he squinted. Face contorting in pain. It felt like a rock just sank in his stomach. “Sam I—” 

“Dean, he’s going to be around for a while. I’m guessing a long time. Take the time to show him how much you appreciate him.” 

Dean jerked his head to the side, finally looking at Sam. He shouldn’t be so surprised, of course, his little brother knew how much his words had hurt. Dean even suspected that was the point. Sam was making a point, and as much as it hurt, it was working. 

“He’s just as bad as you are, thinking he deserves to be punished for all the shit he’s done. And yeah, the two of you have done some awful things. We all have, but weren’t they always for the right reasons?” Sam sat unmoving, starting at Dean, waiting for a response. When one didn’t come, he pushed forward.

“God, the two of you need to focus on all the good you’ve done. You can learn together. You deserve happiness. Both of you. Can’t you just try? Try treating him like more than just a weapon that helps us stop the next world-ending disaster. Start treating him like the friend he’s always been to you. You have a profound bond Dean, use it to make the guy feel welcome.” 

Dean felt his lip twitch. He was trying to understand what Sam was saying but felt defensive. He knew he wasn’t always the best friend to Cas, but it stung hearing someone else saying it. 

“What, do you want me to do, court the guy?” Dean barked, wondering why he chose the word “court.” It wasn’t a phrase he ever used, so what the hell had it slipped out so easily? 

“Actually, yes. Cas deserves to be courted. Take him out on a few mandates. You don’t have to share popcorn, but take him to see a movie. One he wants to see, even if it’s boring. I can’t count how many westerns he’s sat through for you.” 

“Shuddup,” Dean mumbled. 

“He’s only ever observed humanity, Dean. It’s been war times since he’s been on earth. Now that he’s stuck here not understanding all the intricacies of being human. Show him it’s not all bad.”  Sam stared at Dean, eyes wide and bright. 

_ Fucking puppy dog eyes. Asshole! _

“It’s not my place to show him that. He has someone out there who is destined to help him. Yeah, Cas is staying with us for a while to learn the basics of being human, but then he’s leaving, Sam.” Dean’s voice didn’t rise to a yell, but there was anger behind his words. 

“He always leaves, and this time is no different. He’s going to rush off, find Mr. Perfect, and we’re going to be stuck here with our thumbs up our asses, missing our friend. So yeah, you’re right, Cas does deserve the best of what life has to offer, but that ain’t with me.” 

Dean’s chest was heaving, as he tried to catch his breath. The words he just spoke replaying in his mind. He couldn’t believe he’d just poured his heart out to Sam, who was looking at him like he was going to hug him and cry on his shoulder. Dean wanted to jump into the water and swim away from his confession, his stupid hurt feelings, and Sam’s stupid empathetic expression. But something held him there on the dock. Maybe he secretly wanted to hear the reassuring words he knew his brother would offer. 

Sam’s face turned to stone, “Get over yourself, Dean. Cas is where he wants to be. He believes in free will as much as we do. Did you ever stop to consider it’s not about who he’s destined to be with, but who he’s chosen to be with?” 

Then Sam stole  _ his _ move and made a dramatic exit, jumping off the floating dock and swimming towards the rest of their family. 

Dean sat there a few moments longer, really thinking about what Sam said. Cas could have come back and asked Dean to help him find “his” person. He could have requested Chuck to send him to the guy he was supposed to be with. He could have done anything really, but instead, he came to them. He told Dean he would enjoy going on vacation with them. He said he wasn’t in a rush to find the person. Dean wondered if Cas was happy enough if he would stay. If he made it worth Cas’ time to be with them, maybe he wouldn’t feel the need to rush off and find love. 


	6. Chapter 6

Castiel waited for Dean, treading water near the dock. Dean had the same pinched up face he got when he was making a plan. Cas watched for a few more moments before whistling to get Dean’s attention. Sam and Kori headed back to the house, and Cas knew Dean wanted to start dinner before it got too late.

Dean’s head snapped forward, eyes locking on Cas’ from across the distance. Castiel waived his friend over and shouted across the lake to hurry up. He was hungry. Dean smiled and dove head first into the shimmering pink water.

The sun was setting just over the trees, and the sky was casting pink shadows over everything. It was such simple beauty that Castiel reveled in. For all his travels throughout heaven, he’d never seen anything more beautiful than Dean, skin glistening, swimming toward him, backlit by a pink and yellow sky.

Dean was within earshot when Castiel reminded him of their truce, but kept his distance. Dean was grinning when he pulled himself up the ladder, “You can trust me Cas. The truce is on until the next time we’re in the water.” Dean winked and dropped into a crouching position reaching his hand down to help Cas up the ladder.

“Normally, I would trust you with my life, Dean. But there is something about your mischievous smile that has me worried.” Cas reached for Dean’s hand anyway. It was more complicated to get out with Dean’s help, but he so rarely got to touch the other man, that he didn’t mind the awkward climb up the wooden ladder.

“Thank you,” Cas smiled feeling his nose crinkle at his wide grin.

“C’mon, I could use your help with dinner.” Dean hooked his left arm around Cas’ neck and pulled him closer. As the sun dropped, so had the temperature. Cas shivered when he felt Dean’s cool skin against himself. He figured he would be warmer if he wrapped himself in his towel, but feared making any sudden movements.

Dean looked over, eyes shining with mirth and stopped suddenly, howling with laughter. Cas froze, wondering if his body betrayed him and Dean noticed the small bulge in his trunks. He only felt a moment of excitement, nothing more than a slight jerk of his cock, but somehow Dean had noticed. And was now laughing at him.

Cas dropped his head, contemplating if it was worth explaining, or if he should brush it off when he felt Dean’s fingers run through his hair. Cas slowly traced his eyes up Dean’s body. Stopping quickly to see if Dean had a matching strain in his trunks, but he didn’t notice anything.

When he finally dared to look up at Dean, he gave a small shake of his head and squinted at the green mess in Dean’s hands. He tipped his head to the side, wondering what Dean was holding.

“You had a big glob of moss in your hair,” Dean said breathlessly, tossing it back into the lake.  

Cas exhaled…Dean hadn’t noticed the stirring below his belt. But that also meant that Dean wasn’t caressing his hair. Oh well, Cas supposed it was a win.

They trekked back to the house, Dean explaining what they were making for dinner. If this was what life with Dean would be like, even just as friends, Cas was looking forward to a  future of meal planning and carefree laughter. Something he never imagined being synonymous with Dean Winchester, but against all odds, they were there together, and finally happy.

Once they reached the house, the two men separated to clean themselves of lake water before preparing food. Dean offered to use the smallest bathroom on the second floor, leaving the large stone shower in the basement for Cas.

In all his years observing humanity, and his short time living as a human, he’d never seen anything as big as the shower he was standing in. Water was beating against his body, with the perfect amount of pressure. A stone bench ran across the entire stall, where another shower head was waiting to be turned on. Cas imagined what it would be like to share a shower with someone. He tried to keep the person vague, but within seconds his mind was supplying a flushed Dean standing under the warm spray, water just hot enough to turn his skin pink.

Cas reached over, turning the other faucet on, filling the entire enclosure with steam. He tried again briefly to imagine anyone else but Dean, to no avail. His imagination conjured all sorts of images of the hunter. One where Dean was sitting on the bench, watching Cas as he ran his soapy hand over his growing erection. Dean slowly stroking his own. He could picture Dean sliding across the seat, settling in front of him. He would glide his rough palm up the side of Cas’ thigh, gripping it hard and pulling him so close that his cock would bump Dean’s chin.

Cas sighed and moved from simply washing his dick, to slowly swiping his soapy fingers up and down his shaft. He lifted his right leg, imaging it would settle next to Dean’s shoulder. He fantasized about looking down at bright green eyes. Made even lighter by wet-spiked eyelashes.

Cas stroked himself faster, pretending it was Dean’s hand he felt bringing him to completion. He leaned forward, pressing his forehead against the cool stone wall. He brought his free hand up and gently tugged his balls, gasping at the sensitivity he felt.

His wrist was snapping back and forth, and he felt the pull and burn of rarely used muscles in his forearm. The thought pushed him to try and work other unused muscles.

He slid his hand back, tickling his perineum as his fingers danced across his own skin. There was already tension in his stomach, and his muscles were flexing and jerking. Cas finally pressed his middle finger against his hole and cried out at the sheer pleasure of it.

He felt something inside of himself release, and all at once his joints locked. Euphoria washing over every cell in his body. Castiel’s eyes closed against his will, wishing his come was splashing against Dean’s face instead of just the shower stall.

Cas held his still twitching dick in his hand as he came down from his temporary high. All at once shame coursed through him. On a logical level, Cas knew he hadn’t done anything wrong. But he still felt like he had just violated his best friend. Dean would never want Cas having fantasies about them showering together. He would say something about “friends not picturing friends naked” and brush it off like it never happened. Cas would have to try and do the same.

He quickly finished washing himself off and made a halfhearted swipe at the wall with a soap covered hand. He wasn’t sure if Dean would be the next person in the shower and Cas didn’t want any lingering evidence.

His nerves were still on fire as he toweled off quickly and wrapped it around his waist, tucking the towel in on itself. Castiel cracked open the bathroom door to assure Dean wasn’t in the living room. He wasn’t sure he could face his friend while his muscles still felt like jello. When he saw the coast was clear, he darted across the room to his bedroom.

He got dressed in a comfortable pair of shorts, and though he had several new shirts, he still chose to wear one that Dean had given him. It was just a black undershirt, but Dean said you could never have too many and handed Cas several from his own duffel bag.

He looked around—as if someone had suddenly materialized in his room in the past ten seconds—and sniffed Dean’s shirt. It smelled clean like the laundry soap they used, but it also had the unique Dean smell. It was spicy, something like a mix of grapefruit, cinnamon leaf, pink pepper, and the leather polish he used on the interior of the Impala. A blend of the oddly high-end deodorant Dean used, and his natural pheromones.

Cas poked his head through the shirt, mussing up his hair in the process. He felt the soft worn fabric fall down his chest. His body was still sensitive from his adventure in the shower. It took him a moment to settle himself before heading to the kitchen.

He was worried his guilt would show on his face, so instead of greeting Dean, who was standing by the stove, he distracted himself by ducking into the fridge and pulling out two beers. Even if the one sitting next to Dean was full, he would need one soon.

“Thank buddy,” Dean said, taking the proffered beer from Cas’ still pruny hands.

Cas simply nodded before taking a long pull of his own drink. When he was an angel, it took several bottles of liquor to get him drunk. He suspected it would only take a few bottles of beer now that he was a freshly minted human.

Dean took time to show him how to prepare the baked potatoes. It was a simple task, but one Cas knew he could do with efficiency. They idly chatted about nothing in particular as they prepared the food. Now and then Dean would bump his shoulder, or give him a playful shove with his elbow. Cas couldn’t imagine a better way to spend the evening.

Sam suggested they open a bottle of wine. Two hours, and several bottles later, everyone was comfortably full and pleasantly buzzed. With the four of them working to clean up the kitchen, they finished in just a few minutes. Kori and Sam announced they were headed to bed early, Kori giving an obvious fake yawn. Dean grinned salaciously, bouncing his eyebrows up and down at his brother. Cas let out a deep chuckle when Sam huffed, turned his head to the side, and effectively gave Dean his best bitch face.

“Come on, Cas. Let’s go watch a movie. I’m not about to hear my brother go full pizza man.” Dean stood and extended a hand to Cas.

Cas had mastered his replica of Sam’s puppy dog eyes, years ago. But he was now giving Dean what he hoped was a good imitation of the same bitch face Sam just gave him. Dean responded with a hearty chuckle.

 

***

 

Dean was happy to see Castiel was back to acting like himself. When he first came up from his shower, he was distant and his posture was stiff. Dean had gone out of his way to loosen Cas up. Joking with him and bumping their shoulders together. It was nice cooking with Cas, and though he seemed tense at the start of dinner, he loosened up after a few glasses of wine. The former angel of the Lord was an adorable drunk. His cheeks flushed pink at the first glass, and by the time he poured his third, Cas had beads of sweat in his hairline, and his usually bright blue eyes were glassy and bloodshot. It shouldn't have made his eyes look better, but it did. The red making the blue even more pronounced.

The basement living area was everything Dean wanted in his own home. An overstuffed couch that was not quite a full sectional, but still big enough for both men to spread out. The TV was at least forty-two inches and mouthed over a small fireplace. It was warm and cozy, and Dean instantly felt at home in the room. Especially with Cas sitting next to him, nursing his fourth glass of wine.

“Do you have a preference, Cas?” Dean asked, scrolling through the recently added movies on Netflix.

“Oh, it doesn’t matter. Whatever you choose is fine,” Cas replied. A small smile plastered on his lips.

Dean assumed no matter what he put on, Cas would pass out before they were a third of the way through. It would make sense for him to choose a movie they both have seen and would be easy to turn off when they couldn’t hold their eyes open anymore. But Dean was taking Sam’s advice to heart. He wanted Cas to make choices. They always did what Dean wanted, and though it seemed like Cas never minded, he wasn’t sure that was the best way to convince Cas to stick around.

“Come on, man. There has to be something you want to watch. I always pick, it’s your turn.” Dean thrust the remote towards Cas, opening his eyes wider.

Cas leaned forward, a little sloppy with his movements, and reached for the remote from Dean’s hand. His fingers wrapped around the device, and several of Dean’s fingers. Cas giggled when he tried to pull the remote, and Dean’s hand came along.

“Sorry,” Cas whispered.

“Nothing to apologize for,” Dean said. His hand was still lingering on the remote control. Cas’ hand was warm and soft against his own. He never allowed himself much contact outside of his one night stands, and even then he had a set system, get in and get out as quick as possible. On the nights he was still too drunk to drive back, he would often sleep in the Impala. There were a few occasions where he ended up falling asleep with the woman he went home with, or the rare times he brought them back to his own hotel room. But those nights always left him feeling emptier than when he started. He kept himself closed off because he didn’t want to get used to having the comfort of someone else.

He was in a fog most of his time with Lisa and rarely remembered what it felt like to fall asleep with the same person every night. Mostly because he wasn’t falling asleep, he was passing out. It wasn’t a time in his life where he had been happy, so it was hard to equate the joy and comfort that non-sexual skin to skin contact brought to him while living with Lisa.

Yet somehow, he felt that with Cas. More than any one night stand, more than Lisa. He felt that comfort he always avoided in contact. The one he would never allow himself to bathe in. The simple pleasure of human contact was not something Dean could afford. His heart could only take so much loss.

It baffled him that while he was preparing for the pain of Cas’ departure, that he had been going out of his way to make sure his friend only felt happy with touch. Never wanting Cas to think about it the way he did.

“If you’re sure, um, there is a show I have been enjoying.” Cas’ eyes lowered, and he hunched his shoulders sheepishly.

“Go for it, man. You’re king of the remote for the night.” Dean leaned back against the plush couch, settling in.

“You’re sure? I don’t know if it’s a show you would normally watch?”

“Cas, just start the damn show,” Dean huffed.

Cas nodded and pointed the remote at the TV.

 

***

 

“I just don’t see what’s wrong with flannel,” Dean grumbled. He was sitting on the edge of the couch and waving his hand at the TV.

“He didn’t say there was anything wrong with flannel, Dean. Just that a person shouldn’t wear it every day.” Cas gestured to his own plain black t-shirt.

“He runs a lumber yard, Cas. He’s literally a lumberjack. I mean, yeah, he looks way better without the beard. And the haircut is sharp, but he dresses for function.” Dean crossed his arms and huffed as he leaned back on the couch.

“You’re taking this personally, Dean. You don’t always wear flannel. Your suits fit you very well. Tan wouldn’t throw all of your flannel away. Maybe just the ones with blood stains.” Castiel grinned. “You have some really nice sweaters. You could wear those in your daily life as well.”

“When did this turn into my makeover? My clothes are fine. The bunker is fine. If anyone needs a makeover, it would be you.” Dean cringed as soon as the words left his mouth. “I didn’t mean—”

“Are you kidding me? I would love a makeover from the Fab Five. I am sure Tan would do a much better job at dressing me than you did.” Cas stared off wistfully. “Though, I’d much rather he undress me.”  

“ _Cas!_ ” Dean’s eyebrows shot up, and he leaned back in shock.

“What? He’s hot.” Cas batted his eyelashes, feigning innocence.

“If anyone’s undressing you, it should be Antoni.”

“Why him?” Cas asked.

“Because, he’s clearly the hottest and he puts cheese on everything,” Dean argued.

“Sounds to me like maybe you want to save Antoni for yourself. He’s oddly perfect for you.” Cas smiled mischievously.

“Shuddup, no he ain’t. I’m just saying, I don’t want you with a guy like Tan. He’s stuck up. And judgy.” Dean blushed and ducked his head.

“And what, you want me with someone who is hot and loves cheese? Maybe burgers and beer too?”

“Would that be so bad?” Dean looked up through his lashes. His heart was pounding. He wasn’t sure what was happening—one second they were talking about _Queer Eye_ , and the next they were setting Cas up with a replica of Dean.

“No, it wouldn’t be bad at all. But I already have one of those.” Cas’ eyes went wide, and he started shaking his head. “I mean, I didn’t—”

“Yeah Cas,” Dean interrupted, “You already got one of those.”

_What the hell does that mean? What did I just say?_

Cas turned to him, a faint blush on his cheeks, “One more episode?”

“Yaas, girl,” Dean said with a mocking tone.

They both burst out laughing and settled back into the couch. Sitting a little closer to the middle than before...

When Dean woke up, he ached all over. His back was sore, his right leg was asleep, and he felt pinned down. He peeled his dry eyes open only to be asked, by the TV screen, _Are you still watching?_

His mind slowly caught up, remembering the marathon he and Cas had watched last night. He didn’t know when he fell asleep, or what episode he last saw.

As the cobwebs cleared, Dean realized the reason his leg was asleep. He looked down to see a thick patch of wild hair resting on his thigh. Cas sniffled and turned slightly, exposing his face to Dean. His lashes fluttered as he snored softly. It was the most endearing noise Dean had ever heard. The angel, who once charged through hell with an entire army of subordinates, now looked like a sleeping child. His features were so soft. Cas usually carried a lot of tension around his eyes. Dean suspected it was because he would squint every time he didn’t understand something. But as he lay there, resting atop of Dean, his wrinkles smoothed. It made him look ten years younger. Though he wouldn’t trade this Cas, human Cas, for that dick with wings he met a decade ago.

He didn’t want to move and wake Cas, so Dean sat there thinking about the last several years. It took them almost a year to fully warm up to each other, but Cas proved himself time and time again. He’d done his best to forgive and forget Cas’ many transgressions. The one thing that took Dean the longest to get over was Cas removing Sam’s wall, but even that had eventually been forgiven.

He smiled thinking of all the times they had fought side by side. The quiet moments they watched movies side by side. The few long rides they had taken when there was nothing to do, and they sat comfortably in his car side by side. Cas was the most consistent thing he had in his life that wasn’t Sam. And truthfully, Sam wasn’t always there either. He never could explain why his comparison of Sam and Cas always felt weird. His world revolved around Sam from the day his dad shoved the tiny baby in his arms and told him to take care of him. Dean took the job seriously. It became his life's purpose for a long time. Nothing would ever be more important to him than his brother. At least not in the same way.

He viewed Cas as family. The angel had been his family as much as Bobby or Sam. He loved him, would sacrifice anything for him, or go to any lengths to help him. But there was something different about the way he loved Cas. He always assumed that it was just because Cas wasn’t blood relation, but Bobby hadn’t been either.

Dean had to stifle a laugh comparing his feelings for Cas to that of what he felt for Bobby. He never looked at Bobby—the man he saw as a second father, and wish had been his real dad—the same way he looked at Cas. He would never help Bobby pick out a pair of jeans that hugged his ass just right or a shirt that brought out his eyes. Dean shuttered, imagining Bobby wearing skinny jeans.

He wasn’t able to hold back his laughter, though he tried, when he imagined Jonathan cutting Bobby’s hair or Tan throwing out all his old hats. Cas stirred and Dean gently stroked his hair, trying to soothe him back to sleep. Cas sighed and burrowed deeper into Dean’s thigh. He blamed the stupid show they stayed up all night watching for the swell of affection he felt in his heart when he saw Cas smiling in his sleep.

Looking down at the former anger, Dean had one thought...

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

Dean was shuffling about the kitchen when Sam walked in. His eyes were red, and his hair looked like he hadn’t combed it in days. Which was unusual, because Dean was pretty sure Sam brushed it at least a hundred times before going to bed every night. 

“Rough night?” Dean asked. 

Sam flushed and fought back a grin. “Great night.” 

Dean threw his whole body back and laughed. Sam was never one to make a dirty joke, and while he didn’t say anything particularly risque, he wasn’t hiding the fact that he and Kori were at it all night. 

“Love looks good on you little brother.” Dean pulled down several pans from where they were hanging above the counter. 

“Shuddup, Dean.” Sam grabbed the half-full coffee pot and poured a large mug full. He brought the cup to his face and breathed in deeply. 

“What’d you and Cas get up to last night?” 

“Nothing really, just a Netflix bender,” Dean said, opening the fridge and loading his arms with several different types of omelet fixings. 

“Add bell pepper to mine, please,” Sam asked after eyeing Dean’s bounty. 

The eldest Winchester responded by picking up the pepper and shaking it at Sam. 

“Thanks. So what did you guys watch?” Sam walked around the island and slid into one of the stools. 

“Don’t worry, Sammy. I let him pick.” Dean cracked several eggs into a mixing bowl, smiling. He wasn’t embarrassed that they watched the first five episodes of the newest season of  _ Queer Eye _ , but it wasn’t info he was going to offer up willingly. 

“Good. That’s good, Dean.”

Dean felt like he was getting praised for sitting or staying like a good dog. It grated his nerves, and he became defensive, taking his anger out by over beating the eggs. 

“He’s not going to stay just because I let him pick a show every now and then Sam.” He refused to turn around, knowing the look Sam was giving his back. He could practically feel it. 

“You don’t know that. You’re clearly taking what I said seriously. Why won’t you believe that you can make him stay?” Sam’s words were gentle. 

It wasn’t that Dean didn’t want to keep trying. Sam had a good idea, and he wanted to do anything he could to make his best friend stay with him, but there was one thing Cas wanted that Dean couldn’t give. Regardless of their history of screwing with destiny. It was more than that to Cas, and Dean couldn't ask him to miss out on that because he didn’t want to be alone. 

“Because I can’t Sam. Drop it.”

“But—”

“I said drop it, Sam.” 

“Just talk to me, Dean.” 

Dean dropped the bowl onto the counter and turned on Sam, stalking across the short distance to stand in front of the island. He leaned forward, resting his hands against the cool marble, eyes narrowing on his brother. 

“Cas has a soulmate dumbass. I can’t just ask him to stay and babysit me while some guy is out there looking for him.” 

“But why not?” Sam stood, towering over Dean’ hunched form. 

“Because he deserves something good, Sam. You said it yesterday, after all the shit we’ve put him through, I’m not going to ask him to give up love because I don’t want him to leave. He gets to have a normal life. He wanted that, Sammy. He came back for that. I can’t ask him to give it up, because the dumb son of a bitch probably would.” 

“You’re such an idiot.” It was Sam’s turn to storm across the kitchen. Dean stood up straight standing nose to nose with his little brother. 

“And why can’t you love him? Why can’t you give him what he came back for?” 

Dean pulled back slightly, his eyebrows shot up, and dropped just as quickly. His eyes settled on Sam’s shoulder. “What are you talking about?” 

“Fuck whoever this guy is, Dean. No one is as good for Cas as you are,” Sam lamented. 

“Keep your fucking voice down,” Dean hissed. 

“Why, afraid Cas might hear me and think it’s a good idea?” 

Dean put his hands on Sam’s chest and pushed him against the fridge. “There’s one flaw in your plan, Sam. I’m not gay. I don’t like guys.”

Sam didn’t fight back, just stood with his back pressed against the metal. “But you’ve never tried.” 

Sam sounded like such a little kid that Dean felt the anger drain out of him. It was the exact same thing Sam would say as a child anytime he wanted Dean to try something he just knew his older brother would love. And to be fair, Sam was usually right. 

Dean dropped his arms, turning around and pacing away. He brought both hands up and ran them through his hair, holding the back of his head. 

“Not everyone can just try being bisexual.”

“Dude, I know way more about your sex life than any brother should. I know for a fact you’re not opposed to, um, penetration,” Sam said, wrinkling his nose. 

“Yeah, I mean a finger or two with a girl...you know what? I’m not having this conversation with you.” Dean walked across the kitchen but stopped when Sam said his name softly. 

“Just think about it okay. Just spend a few days with him and imagine what it would be like. I joke about your bond a lot, but it’s something special. What you and Cas have with each other is more than he could ever have with some preppy douche from Wisconsin. You both have a shot at something real here.” Sam placed a hand gently on Dean’s shoulder. 

“That’s just not—” Dean stopped when he saw Castiel out of the corner of his eyes. He instantly panicked, wondering if he had overheard anything. 

Cas had a faraway, lost look on his face. A faint smile and a flush painted across his cheeks. His hair was wet, and Dean assumed he just got out of the shower. 

“Dude, is the shower haunted or something? This is the second time you’ve come out of there looking like you saw a ghost, and they got the best of you,” Dean said, ignoring his conversation with Sam. He was happy to drop the subject and mostly pretend it had never happened. 

Cas’ entire neck and face flushed a deep red, and his eyes went wide. “Ah, no. No, of course, the shower isn’t hau-haunted,” Cas stammered, avoiding Dean’s gaze. This in itself was odd, but adding in how jumpy Cas was, Dean was downright worried. 

“Hey, seriously man, is everything okay?” Deak spoke softly. 

“Yes, I’m fine. I’m, ah, I’m just hungry.” 

It seemed like an avoidance, more than a lie. Dean knew Cas had problems with voiding himself when he was human the first time, and it seemed safe to assume that maybe his standoffishness had something to do with that. 

“Well, you’re just in time. Breakfast will be ready in fifteen. Have a seat.” Dean went to the coffee pot and poured Cas a full mug. Cas took after the brothers and started drinking his coffee black, but Dean offered flavored creamer anyway. Cas declined as he reached out for the drink, taking a sip the second he pulled the mug from Dean’s hand. 

Sam had taken up his original seat, and he and Cas planned out their day while Dean finished his prep work. He was trying to focus on what the two behind him were talking about, but his mind kept drifting back to what Sam had said. 

**_But you’ve never tried_ ** _. Of course, I’ve never tried. You don’t just try changing sexual orientation.  _

No matter how much he wanted to ignore the topic, he was able to admit to himself it would be much easier if he were into guys. It would save Cas from having to pretend to be something he wasn’t. Rationally he knew that it would be easier if Cas’ soulmate were a hunter, but Dean hated the idea. He didn’t know any hunters that would take care of Cas, or really any hunter, besides themselves, who had retired. Most were still working the small cases, and  would kidnap Cas and tie him up in the dungeon before letting him hunt without himself or Sam. 

That left someone who knew about the life but didn’t hunt. There were plenty of people to pull from in that pool. Dean’s mind supplied him an image of Lisa bringing Cas a beer, dropping it down in front of him as he sat at the kitchen table. Kissing his cheek, just like she used to do with him. His stomach clenched and he quickly tried to push the thought away. Cas didn’t even want to settle down with a woman. So his traitorous mind shifted, and suddenly it was him pressing his lip into Cas’ face. 

The image didn’t bother him as much as he thought it would when Sam first suggested it. Cas was handsome, devastatingly so. He was kind and funny. Badass and strong. The reality was, they would be a perfect fit for each other. But Dean couldn’t ask Cas to stay and try to love him. Somewhere out there was someone who would give him that can’t eat, can’t sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence world series kind of love. All Dean could give him was a promise to try, and most likely it would be a massive fail. 

“Dean?” Sam bellowed. 

Dean whipped around, “What?”

“You’re burning my omelet.” 

Dean jerked slightly, not realizing how long he’d been in his daydream. Sam’s veggie-filled omelet was just a little overdone, but still edible. He was grateful someone was paying attention. He didn’t have enough eggs to make him another. 

“I think we’re going to need a run to town later. We are already out of eggs,” Dean said, sounding much less distracted that he really was. 

“Yeah, okay,” Sam replied giving his brother a concerned look. 

Dean locked eyes with him and gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head. Letting his brother know he was okay. Sam nodded, and Dean was grateful that he wasn’t going to push the issue. Sam usually knew Dean’s limits, and though he liked to sail right past them, this topic was one Sam was letting rest. 

They ate their breakfast with little conversation, letting the sounds flowing in through the open windows fill the silence. Cas informed him they didn’t have any big plans for the day, and he would be willing to ride into town with Dean to pick up the rest of their shopping supplies. He saw a roasted veggie recipe he wanted to try and needed carrots. 

Dean left Sam and Cas to clean up after their meal while he went to grab a shower and get ready for the day. He was nervous about spending time with Cas alone. It was enough to make him roll his eyes at himself. Usually, he would have insisted his friend come along, not even asking if he wanted to, just assuming he did. The memory of Cas always being so willing and eager to spend time with him helped settle his nerves. 

It was time he checked out this shower that always left Cas so flushed. 

  
  


~~~~~~    

 

Earlier Cas had walked in on a heated discussion between Sam and Dean. He was so wrapped up in his own head, regretting the second time he pleasured himself thinking about Dean to noticed anything they said. The tension between them slowly ebbed away, and by the time they were done with breakfast, all seemed back to normal. Cas was always impressed with how easily Sam and Dean could forgive and forget. It was a quality he admired in both men. 

Sam washed the dishes as Cas dried and put everything away. He inquired about Kori, but the younger Winchester flushed and said she planned on staying in bed all day. Cas smiled at the implication. He was happy Sam found his soulmate. He wondered briefly if he should tell Sam about his destiny, or let him get to a comfortable place before dropping that bomb. He ultimately decided to wait. When it came to the Winchesters and Fate, it never was a good idea to clue them in. Sam may ruin a good thing out of spite. 

“Sounds like you and Dean are going to spend awhile in town. Maybe you should suggest a movie,” Sam said. 

“Oh, I see. You’d like to have some alone time with Kori. Of course, Sam. I’ll find something Dean would like to see.” Cas put away the last dish and closed the kitchen cabinet. 

Sam scoffed, “No, dude. That’s not what I meant. I mean I don’t mind the alone time, but I think it’s you and Dean who needs the time alone.” 

Cas looked at him, and slightly tilted his head, “We do?” 

Sam went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water, handing one to Cas before giving him a small soft smile. “Yeah, you do. Look Cas, at some point you’re going to need to take a guy out on a date. You’ll have to navigate through small talk, awkward silences, and even flirting. You might as well get used to that now.” 

“Are you implying I try those things on Dean?” Cas asked, brows knitting together. 

“Yeah man, who better to practice with than your best friend. Trust me Cas, he won’t mind. You’ve seen him, he flirts with anyone, even guys. Try it out.” 

Cas squinted his eyes, puzzling over Sam’s instruction. He was right about Dean being flirtatious, even with other men. He knew Dean had no problems with homosexuality, and if he didn’t like Cas’ attempts at flirtation, he would tell him. Which was the scariest option? If Dean shot him down, even under the guise of practicing for his soulmate, Cas wasn’t sure he could bounce back from that. It was better not to know if Dean would ever consider him, then to know for certain he wouldn’t. 

There was still a small part of him that got excited about the idea. No one knew Dean better than Sam, and if he could get away with a little more intimacy, he was willing to try. Maybe not to the extent that Sam was suggesting, but he could push the boundaries a little more to fill the void in his heart. 

“I suppose I could try. What’s the first step?” 

They talked about the small things Cas could do to let a person know you’re interested. Sam gave tips on how to make himself more desirable and show off his best assets. Sam’s biggest piece of advice was just to be himself, only more open with affection. It didn’t sound like it would be too hard, but when Dean joined then in the kitchen, fresh from the shower and smelling like his fragrant deodorant, Cas’ mouth went dry.

He turned to Sam with wide eyes, seeking some sort of answer. The younger Winchester only smiled and gave him a reassuring nod. He did not feel affirmed by Sam. He planted this idea of flirting and quickly excused himself from the kitchen, claiming he needed more sleep. 

Dean made a joke about his lack of sleep, and Cas laughed out loud. It was what he needed to calm his nerves. This was just Dean after all. He may be the most beautiful and charming man Cas had ever met, but he was also sweet and silly with a good sense of humor. Even when his jokes were awful, Cas found himself laughing. This was how Cas was brave enough to ask Dean on a so-called “mandate.” 

“We don’t have much to do today, and I was wondering if you would like to see a movie before we go shopping.” Cas held his back straight, trying to fight off the tremors in his hands. 

“That’s funny, I was kind of thinking the same thing. Anything, in particular, you want to see?” Dean looked around the kitchen, making sure he and Sam cleaned well enough to meet his rigid standards. 

“Um, no. Not really, I just thought it was a thing normal people did.” 

Dean chuckled, “We are far from normal, but we can pretend for the day. C’mon.” Dean put his hand between Cas’ shoulders and led him through the kitchen, only dropping it when he reached for the door.  

Cas read out the movie titles, watched a few trailers, and gave Dean the reviews as he drove them back into town. There was one movie they both agreed on, and it was starting with just enough time for them to get there and load themselves up with snacks. Dean insisted Cas would love him mixing the M&Ms in with the popcorn, and couldn’t wait to have Cas drink his coke through a Redvine. 

If he had known something as simple as seeing a movie would have made Dean this happy, he would have suggested it years ago. Though, there was no way Dean could have been this carefree with demons still walking the earth. He was happy for the time they had now and refused to spend another moment dwelling on the past. 

He had observed humanity over the years and had an okay idea of what a date should look like. Cas regretted not going through his backpack yet because it left him without money. Dean didn’t seem to mind paying for their tickets and snacks, but Cas made sure to always open the door for him and let him choose where they sat. 

It was an early afternoon film, and they were the only people in the theater. Being there alone was such a marvelous escape. Their hands brushed several times when reaching for popcorn, and Dean never once pulled away. He even reached over and took a large gulp of Cas’ coke when he was done with his own. 

The movie had its light moments, but there was a somber undertone. Heartbreaking loss and eventual triumph was not the mood Cas wanted for a first date. Not that it was an actual date. He chastised himself, remembering that he was practicing dating with Dean. It seemed an easy pattern to fall into, and he was worried it would lead to eventual heartache. 

“Well that was a kick to the balls,” Dean said, throwing the remnants of the popcorn into the trash can outside the theater. 

“It was much sadder than the preview led us to believe.” He disposed of his own garbage. 

“I mean, it’s clear he chose to be single because he couldn’t have who he really wanted.” They were walking back to the Impala, shoulders occasionally brushing. 

“No, he chose not to marry her because he lost his true love in that accident. He thought it better to be alone than to settle for a love that was less than what he knew,” Cas argued.

“Dude, you missed the point completely.” 

“I don’t think I did. The theme of the movie seemed centered around recovering for a lost love.” 

“You seriously didn’t notice that he didn’t marry the judgy bitch because he was in love with his best friend?” 

Castiel paused in the middle of the parking lot. Unable to hear the rest of what Dean said as he continued forward.  

“...but he didn’t know how to...Cas?” Dean turned around several feet ahead. “Dude, you okay?” 

Cas shook his head and held up a finger, “Wait.”

“Oookay.” Dean paused giving Cas a worried look. “Don’t hurt yourself.” 

“Shut up, Dean. I’m thinking.” Cas’ eyes were darting back and forth as he went back over the movie scene by scene. 

A loud honk pulled him from his thoughts, and Dean grabbed his arm and yanked him out of the middle of the road. 

“I…he…I didn’t notice, but I think you’re right. But why didn’t he just tell his friend how he felt?” 

“Because he didn’t know if his friend felt the same way. Some men get really mad when they get propositioned by another man. He didn’t want to lose the only relationship that ever mattered. Even if he loved the girl from the beginning that died, she never meant as much as the guy who was in his life since he was a kid, you know.” Dean ducked his head and took off for the car once more. 

Cas slowly joined Dean thinking over the situation. In many ways, the film paralleled their lives. Cas being desperately in love with his best friend, yet always watching him pursue other women. It felt like a knife to his chest. Was Dean telling him he didn’t want to be propositioned? 

He stayed quiet as his friend drove them to the store. He chose the movie and wasn’t sure if Dean was reading into it as much as Cas was. Dean wasn’t acting different, so Cas hoped he was nothing more than just a good film. 


	8. Chapter 8

Dean drummed his fingers against the steering wheel, wondering why Cas was so quiet. He seemed to enjoy the movie, but he also didn’t understand it. He’d gone all Tonto after learning the guy was in love with his best friend. 

He smiled to himself.If Cas was Tonto, a man who chose his words carefully and didn’t speak unless necessary, then that made him the Lone Ranger. 

The grocery store was another ten miles, and Dean couldn’t bear the silence any longer. “You’re going to give me a headache if you don’t stop thinking so hard.” He tried at joking, hoping that would loosen Cas up. 

“Oh, I’m sorry. I was just thinking about the movie and how tragic it was.” Cas kept staring out the window, a wistful tone in his voice.  

“I mean yeah, it was pretty sad, but it’s just fiction Cas. Those guys aren’t real.” 

“They aren’t real, but how many men do you think are in love with their best friend, but can’t say anything because they are scared of losing their friendship?” Cas finally turned to look at Dean, just as he took his eyes off the road to check on his friend. Their eyes locked, and Dean held his gaze longer than was safe, but he couldn’t look away. There was a fire in Cas’ expression that had Dean questioning what Cas knew. 

_ Does he know I’m trying to make him stay? Is he telling me it’s okay to ask him to stay? He’s telling me something. _

Dean finally turned back to the road, thankful to see he was still in his own lane, and there was nothing he was going to run into. The air around them felt charged, and the hairs on his arm were standing on end. He knew he had to choose his words carefully. 

“I’m sure it happens to a lot of guys, but I think it’s worth a shot, you know. Maybe you lose your friend, but you won’t be stuck wanting someone who doesn’t want you. Lingering and holding out hope for something that will never happen isn’t healthy. And you never know, the other guy could be feeling the same way, you know. And if he doesn’t feel the same, you learn to navigate the friendship. You don’t just give up on someone because you have different feelings.” 

Dean did the best he could to keep calm, but inside his heart was racing. His palms were sweating where he gripped the wheel. 

“Is it better to speak or to die?” Cas said, looking back out the window. 

“Is it…what?” Dean asked confused, not knowing what Cas was asking him. 

“Sorry. It’s a famous French children’s story from a book called Heptameron about a knight and princess. Very similar to the movie, they love each other, but are both too afraid to speak on it.” Cas tugged at his trenchcoat, adjusting the lapels. 

“Huh,” Dean pondered. “I say speak. I’ve died a couple’a times and lemme tell ya’, that shit that’s never been said, it stays with you. But hey, you know me, I’m a hopeless romantic.” Dean clicked his tongue and cocked his head to the side, giving Cas a cheeky grin. 

Cas let out a surprised laugh, warming Dean’s heart. “Yes, it’s what you are most famous for. Dean Winchester, master of romance.” 

The tension surrounding them seemed to be fading, and Dean leaned into the joke. “Don’t kid yourself, Cas. I’ve got moves you’ve never seen.” Dean shimmied his shoulders. 

“You know for a guy who hates chick flick moments, you sure know a lot of Julia Roberts quotes,” Cas teased. 

Dean laughed, not expecting Cas to catch the quote from  _ My Best Friend’s Wedding _ . And how appropriate that was the quote he chose to use. The grin slowly faded from his face as he imagined his fate. He didn’t want to be Jules, trying to break up Cas’ wedding at the last moment because he didn’t realize he wanted to be with him. He was scared seeing Cas with someone else would push him into a jealous desperation, just like Julianne Potter.

One stupid joke had Dean’s mind reeling. He couldn’t stand at Cas’ wedding, probably as his best man, watching him choose someone else. Sam was right. They were perfect for each other. They fit each other's lives flawlessly. 

“Dean?” Cas questioned. 

“Yeah, Cas. I’m man enough to admit I love Julia. She’s an American treasure.” He didn’t sound as sincere as he hoped, but it was enough to appease Cas. 

“I have the knowledge of her movies because of Meta-dick, but I’ve never actually seen one.” 

“‘Meta-dick’? That was bad, buddy. Even for you.” Dean let his shoulders relax, and took in a deep breath. Cas didn’t have plans to go anywhere Dean reminded himself. And though he was destined for someone else, that had never stopped a Winchester before. 

Cas shrugged as if to accept his fate. It was endearing and adorable when he tried to human but slightly missed the mark. This mythical Mr. Perfect douche from Wisconsin wouldn’t appreciate just how far Cas had come, and how precious those near-miss moments were. 

Dean explained to Cas the basis of the movie they were talking about. Explaining that Jules missed her chance, and it was all the more reason to speak. Cas laughed as Dean explained the awful karaoke scene, and admitted to wanting to try sometime. Dean took a mental note, wanting to get Sam and Kori on board. It was rare Cas admitting to wanting to do something without being prompted, and he didn’t care if they had to drive for hours, they were going to get Cas on stage by the end of the week. 

They were in and out of the store in no time, and Dean was downright chipper by the time they got back to the house. It was early afternoon, enough time to take a quick swim or lounge in the sun. What they did the rest of the day didn’t matter to Dean, his only concern was that he was with his family. 

After packing away the groceries, both men made quick work of changing into their trunks and filling the cooler with the last of the beer. Dean kicked himself for not picking up another case while they were at the store. Maybe he could bribe Sam to go on a beer run. His little brother wanted him to be alone with Cas as much as possible. He might as well use that to his advantage. 

The group swam for over an hour before climbing out of the water. Sam was filling Dean on his plans to meet with the owner of the house and discussed the promised dinner plans, but Dean wasn’t paying attention. Ahead of them, Cas and Kori were crouched down, staring at a bunny, sadness painting their faces. 

Cas looked up at Dean, eyes shining as if he were fighting back tears. His hunter instincts took over, and he was at Cas’ side assessing the situation before he knew it. The bunny was whining and grinding its teeth. He was as black as midnight and silky smooth, probably the equivalent of a teenager. Dean finally noticed the cause for the animal's discomfort. He appeared to have a broken leg. 

Kori was crying, as she stared at the creature helplessly. “Sam, we have to--”

Sam’s giant hands scooped up the small bunny, and the animal let out a pained noise. They rushed to the house, Dean dashing downstairs to grab his keys. He probably would have just put the animal out of his misery, but Kori said the next house over—though it was a quarter of a mile away—was Dr. Cox, the large animal vet for the area. Though a rabbit clearly wasn’t his normal clientele, Kori was sure he would know how to set the leg and get the critter some relief. 

Dean was rushing to the side door when he noticed it wide open. Cas stood on the small landing. He looked out and saw a trail of dust down the gravel drive, but his Impala sat where he’d parked earlier that day. 

“Her friend, the one that was joining us for dinner? She was just getting out of the car. They thought it would be faster if she drove them.” Cas answered Dean’s unasked question. 

“Oh, okay. You didn’t want to go with them?” he asked gently. 

“No. It would just remind me that I’m incapable of helping.” Cas turned and walked ruefully back into the house. Dean’s chest ached for his friend. Cas had so much love to give and would do anything within his power to help anyone or anything in need. He couldn’t imagine how much it hurt Cas to no longer have that power. 

“You, uh, you wanna talk about it?” Dean rubbed at the back of his neck. 

Castiel gave Dean his trademark fake smile. The one that said ‘I’m not okay, but I’m going to pretend like I am because it’s what we always do.” Dean knew that smile very well. In fact, he’s probably the one that taught Cas that exact expression. 

Reaching for anything to try and cheer Cas up, Dean offered, “Hey, we’re out of beer. You wanna go on a beer run?”

Cas jerked his head towards Dean with an owlish look. “You want me to go on a beer run?” There was a faint smile at the end of the question. A real one that had Dean’s heart skipping a beat. He imagined he would do anything to keep Cas looking like that. He had meant for them to go on a beer run together, but Cas seemed to light up at the prospect of running such a simple task. Maybe it was a reminder of why he gave up his power. He had never let Cas drive his car, but it wasn’t as if he didn’t trust him. And if anything happened to her, he would just make Cas sit beside him and learn how to fix her. 

Dean felt a strange flip in his stomach at the thought of him and Cas working on the car together. In his mind's eye, they were at some nondescript house in the suburbs, both standing under the hood in the driveway.  It was something Dean realized he wanted. 

He handed the keys and his wallet over to Cas, thankful for a moment to deal with his revelation alone. He’d never considered himself anything but heterosexual, though he was never hesitant to admit a man crush from time to time. Of course, there was Dr. Sexy, Gunner Lawless, and that one moment with Benny. But he never thought those to be anything more than respecting an attractive man. 

After Lisa he never let himself imagine settling down again. It was a fantasy that was strictly off limits. So the fact that he was imagining  _ something more  _ with someone, and that person was his best friend was stranger than the fact that Cas was a man. 

_ God, how did I go from zero to gay in sixty seconds? _

Rationally Dean knew he wasn’t gay. His sudden interest in Cas made him bi-curious at best, but it was like a strange switch had been flipped. All of a sudden all the adorable things Cas did flooded to the surface. All the times he thought Cas was cute, or handsome. His immediate hatred for April. A million thoughts came to mind as he watched Cas drive away in his car, only a vague memory of lecturing Cas about banging her up and warning against riding the brakes. He hoped that was all he said. 

His face flushed as he walked back to the kitchen imaging telling Cas “...and go easy on the breaks you adorable son of a bitch.” He went for the fridge and pulled out his last stashed beer. One he hadn’t put in the cooler just in case, as if past-Dean knew this internal crisis was coming. 

He set about getting everything ready for dinner. He started marinating the steaks, knowing they were not going to soak long enough, but it was better than throwing them on dry. Trying to imagine what life with Cas would be like was coming more natural to him. Things wouldn’t be much different. They always spent their spare time together, what little they had, and Dean was already a stickler about daily phone calls, so that wouldn’t change. They sat together in a booth, and close to each other on the couch. He imagined those scenarios, with more touching, and even though he was alone, he blushed thinking about kissing Cas on the sofa after Sam went to bed. His stomach did the weird flip thing again when he tried to picture them going further, but it was still too much for Dean to process at once. He decided he would look into some guy on guy porn and see if that would make it easier to imagine he and Cas getting intimate. 

He was lighting the grill when it hit him. He was planning a future with Cas when the former angel was destined to be with someone else. Dean shook his head, not lingering too long on the thought. He would just have to show Cas that he was better than any other average guy. He would go out of his way to show Cas what it was like to be happy with him. Just because he was fated to someone else didn’t mean they couldn’t be together. If they could screw destiny enough to divert the apocalypse, wooing Cas could be a cake walk. 

Dean set his jaw, formulating a plan when he heard the door bang open as he walked back into the kitchen. 

“Dean, I’m back,” Cas yelled as he walked through the door, arms full of groceries. 

Dean plastered on his most charming smile, “‘Bout damn time. How’s a man supposed to grill without beer?” Dean was going for mock irritation, but his light mood made it easy for Cas to see right through him. 

“A little help here,” Cas demanded, struggling to keep everything from crashing to the floor. Dean rushed forward, grabbing two bags from Cas, and setting them on the kitchen island. 

Dean took a second to appreciate how good he felt. Cas didn’t wreck his car, his brother was off saving a bunny for the girl of his dream, steaks were soaking in a rich brown sauce, and Cas was smiling at him like he was something special. It took him a few moments to accept that this wasn’t a Djinn dream, this was just his life now. 

“I, uh, I picked up a few other things too.” Cas ducked his head and looked up at Dean through his lashes. 

Cas’ eyes were darting around nervously, and it made Dean’s stomach drop. 

_ Oh, fuck. What if he met HIM while he was at the store? On an errand, I sent him on? What if he had lube and condoms, and asked me how to use them, on someone else— _

He was thankful Cas had turned his back, setting the case of Margiekugel on the ground next to the fridge, so he couldn’t see the panic in his eyes as he emptied the contents of the shopping bags. 

He first pulled out whipped cream.  _ Oh God, he’s already thinking about food play.  _ But Dean slowly calmed as he emptied the last bag. No condoms, no lube, no weird vibrating massagers. Just whipped cream, apple cider, and a fifth of Pie Hole apple pie flavored whiskey. In the last sack was a pink bakers box. 

When Cas faced Dean, his ears were bright red. Eyes falling on Dean’s shoulder, refusing to climb higher.

“Cas, what’s going on?” Dean asked, leaning his hip against the counter. 

“It’s kind of silly, Dean. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but you’re just going to laugh at me.” Cas gently ran his hand across the pink box. 

“Okay, first off, I’m not going to laugh at you. And two, you bought whiskey. What’s embarrassing about that?” Dean kept his face still, trying not to reveal he was digging through the grocery bags as if he was going to find a real-life replica of Cas’ soulmate’s cock resting next to the apple cider. 

Cas was still toying with the box, and Dean reached out for it, only to have Cas slide the pink box away from him. 

“Um. Uh, I…” Cas took a deep breath and locked eyes with Dean. A newfound confidence washing over him. “For as long as I’ve known you, and Sam, you have always referred to life without hunting as an Apple Pie Life. It’s a phrased you have used often when describing the life you have never had. Or a life you never thought capable of having.” 

Cas broke eye contact, his gaze sweeping over the spread out contents on the counter. “You’re free now, Dean. You get that house you talked about. You know the one on metaphorical Easy Street. It all starts now, with this vacation.” 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck and peeked back up at Dean. “So, I thought we could celebrate our new apple pie lives with these, uh, apple pie flavored shots.” Cas paused, blowing out a breath before pushing over the bakery box, “And of course, this.” 

Dean couldn’t seem to do anything but gape at the pink box, so Cas reached over and lifted the lid. Showing Dean the perfect golden lattice on top of a steaming pie. It must have been fresh out of the oven to be still steaming like that. 

Dean felt tears prick behind his eyes. He was speechless. It was easily the kindest gesture anyone had ever made towards him. Not to mention Cas included himself in Dean’s new life.  _ Our new apple pie lives _ he’d said. Dean couldn’t let go of that. He assumed his place was next to Dean, as it always had been. Dean beamed at him. 

Hesitation rocked Dean. For all Cas’ might and fury, he was equally as kind and caring. He wondered briefly if he was good enough for Cas, and the answer was no, not yet. But he could be, or least he could spend his life trying to be. Dean was nothing if not persistent, and he knew that working to keep Cas was something he was dedicated to. He would always remember that there was someone out there who could snatch Cas out from under his nose. If Cas were willing to stay with Dean. To try and actually be with him, it’s not something he would ever slack on.

Dean lifted the corner of his mouth, “Thanks Cas. That’s really sweet of you.” The words tasted funny in his mouth, but it was something he was trying out, using softer language. “I couldn’t make fun of you. It’s honestly one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me.” 

Cas smiled brightly, “Well, it’s not saving you from Hell, but I thought we could toast to another new beginning for us. I mean…all of us.” 

 

~~~~~~

 

A hint of a smile crossed Cas’ lips before turning and crouching in front of the fridge, lining the beer along the bottom shelf. He idly wished it were easier for him to read emotions. It was easier with Sam and Dean than it was with strangers, but he still struggled with many of their expressions.He knew what Dean looked like when he was angry, scared, sad, and even sometimes happy. But he’d never seen Dean’s look of true bliss, not until then. At least that’s what Cas thought he saw in Dean’s face. His smile was brighter, eyes lighter, and there was a softness to his voice Cas never noticed before. Dean was really happy, and that was enough to make Cas feel the same.

“Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s take some shots.” Dean clapped his hands together, rubbing the back and forth. 

“Okay,” Cas said lamely. 

“You might want to take it easy at first, buddy. You don’t really have the tolerance you had before.” Dean reached for the shot glasses above the stove. “I still can’t believe you drank a whole liquor store. Imagine the manager's face when he came in to work the next day.” Dean chuckled to himself.

It’s not a memory Cas often let himself revisit. The first few years with Dean were memories he shoved down and locked away. Times were not easy then, not like they were now. He was so scared and unsure then. Wondering if he was doing the right thing. He knew now that he was, and would follow Sam and Dean into any battle, trusting they were making the best judgment call. But they were merely humans back then. Back when Cas thought humans were nothing more than entertainment. “Mud monkeys,” his brothers would say. 

He chuckled, wondering what Uriel would think of him now. Though, Uriel was privy to Cas’ affection for Dean long before he himself had been. Maybe he would be handy to have around right now. Uriel might be able to explain the soft smile Dean gave him as he poured their shots. 

“What are you grinning at?” Dean asked, shaking the whipped cream can. 

“I was thinking about Uriel, and how different things are now, then they were back then.” Cas was impressed by how easily that came out. It was strange that he was freer with emotions now that he experienced the full intensity of them. It would seem easier to stay guarded, but that wasn’t his instinct. He didn’t want to lie to Dean. Hopefully, he never would have to again. Even if Dean asked him about his soulmate, Cas knew he would tell Dean the truth. 

“Oh shit, I have not thought about that dickbag in forever. Remember when you called him  _ the funniest angel in the garrison _ ?” Dean deepened his voice to mock Cas. 

“I still stand by that. He was very funny.” Cas watched Dean topping the drinks with the canned cream. 

“Let me guess. He’s funnier in Enochian?” Dean pushed the glass towards Cas, smiling. 

“Well, actually, yes. Much of the humor is lost in translation. You seem to remember a lot about the night I got drunk, Dean.” 

“What? You’re a cute drunk.” Dean froze, his eyes going wide. 

Cas’ heart began to skitter. Dean thought he was a cute drunk? Dean thought he was cute? When had Dean ever said anything was cute? Cas gave himself two seconds to let the feeling of joy rush through him at the thought of Dean calling him cute, before saving his friend. Dean was not one to talk about anything resembling feelings, so he quickly changed the subject. 

Cas raised his glass looking at Dean, “Here’s a to a new life. May the monsters stay gone, and family stay close.”  

He held Dean’s sparkling gaze as he tilted his head back, pouring the shot down his throat. Dean was laughing as he righted himself. He hadn’t taken into account the whipped cream and had a dollop on his nose. 

Grin fading, Dean reached out, swiping his finger through the mess on Cas’ nose. He held Cas’ gaze as he sucked the cream off his digit. Cas felt his heartbeat in his ears. It was such an intimate gesture. It seemed almost coy, and maybe a little flirtatious. He didn’t know how to respond. Should he pretend it didn’t happen? Should he address it? Cas was frozen by conflicting ideas. 

“Let me show you how you’re supposed to do it,” Dean said. Cas exhaled loudly and wondered if he just made the situation awkward. He was wont to do that without even realizing it. 

Dean brought the shot to his mouth, licking his lips before spreading them wide. And if Cas thought his heart was racing before, now it felt like the thing was jumping out of his chest. He took a moment to remember Fred Jones. The psychic who accidentally made real life imitate cartoons. If he were anywhere near, there would be a heart-shaped hole his Cas’ chest where it just exploded. 

Dean put his mouth around the entire rim of the glass, and without using his hands, he threw his head back in one smooth motion, Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed. Damn, was he getting hard at watching Dean take a shot? 

“It’s called a blow job.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Cas squeaked. Wide eyes trained on Dean’s mouth. 

“When you do a shot like that, with whipped cream. You put your whole mouth around the glass, like a blow job.” 

“Ah,” Cas said as if that was somehow an appropriate response. He suddenly had very little blood left in his brain and was slowly taking in what Dean was saying. 

“So whaddya think? You wanna try it my way? Come on Cas, do a blow job with me,” Dean quipped. 

If Dean had any idea of the images dancing across Cas’ imagination, he would probably run away screaming. Cas would be more than happy to do a blowjob with Dean, but it looked like drinking techniques were as close as he was coming tonight, so he accepted Dean’s offer. 

It was almost as if Dean was somehow trying to create sexual tension. This time instead of doing a proper blow job shot, he sensually licked at the white foam before gulping down the amber liquid. 

Cas was breathing heavy, just on the cusp of panting. He wanted to believe Dean was flirting with him, constantly drawing attention to his mouth. But it didn’t seem likely. Dean had never outright flirted with Cas before. 

Two shots in and Cas was feeling the first tickle of a buzz. Dean’s playfulness had him lighthearted, and they were just getting ready to take a third shot. Dean told Cas it was a good night to test his limits, taking it slow, to see how much liquor he could hold before turning into a sloppy drunk.  

Before topping the third shot, Dean asked Cas if he wanted to try a whippet. Cas had never heard of such a thing, but it seemed like the time to experiment. Dean laughed as he huffed the nozzle.

He didn’t understand the point. It made him lightheaded and dizzy for a few moments, but then he went back to his original buzz. He figured it was at least worth it to see Dean slapping the counter in laughter. 

Dean suddenly shot up, straightening his back, “Shit, I better start dinner before I get too trashed. You remember how to wrap potatoes, right?”

Cas rolled his eyes, “You showed me yesterday. Of course I remember.” 

Keeping with his playful nature the past hour, Dean batted his eyelashes and said, “Can you get them ready?”

“I’m immune to your charms, Dean, but yes I’ll help with dinner,” Cas said, going for a flirtatious smile. He’s not sure he succeeded, but Dean grinned and slapped his back all the same, so at least it wasn’t a fail. 

After getting the potatoes oiled and salted, Cas added the heaps of foil to the top rack of the grill. 

“Look at you. You’ll be cooking for me before long.” Dean gently knocked Cas’ shoulder with his own. They were standing close, and the heat coming from the grill was no match to the heat of Dean’s arm pressing into his. 

Dean closed the lid of the grill and tipped his beer back, gulping down the remains. “I’m really going to miss you when you’re gone.” Dean patted his shoulder and walked away. 

“Gone? Where am I going?” Cas asked trailing after Dean. 

The other man didn’t respond for a long time. Popping the cap off two more beers and passing one to Cas. “No, I mean when you find your soulmate or whatever. You’ll eventually want to, you know, move in with him.” 

Cas squinted at the man across from him. He had a small hope that Dean would have known it was him, at least a slight inkling that he was the one Cas was destined to be with. But as he looked at Cas with such an open, almost sad expression, he realized Dean had no clue. 

“He probably wouldn’t want you living with two other guys for long. And then, you know the dates and stuff. You’ll have to take him to dinner. He’ll want to take you to the theater or an art museum. I’m sure you’ll end up with someone really cultured.” Dean leaned back against the counter, bringing the beer to his lips and hesitating just a second before taking a long pull. 

“Oh um…” What could he say to Dean? It wasn’t like Cas could just blurt out, It’s you, dummy, you’re the one. It’s not men. It’s not being gay. It’s simply  _ you _ , Dean. 

“Uh, I’m sure he’s cultured enough. But that’s not important to me. Dates don’t matter. Yes, I would like to go to the theater, museums, and nice dinners. But it’s more important that he’s fun. It matters more to me that he be kind, funny and loyal. I need someone I don’t have to hide around. A man that I can admit not understanding pop culture to, or won’t make me feel less than human when I say I don’t understand a custom I haven’t encountered yet.” Cas observed Dean, eyes begging him to understand. 

“You’re right, Dean, I want someone I can go to a five-star restaurant with, but I also need a man who can take me to a dive bar with greasy bacon cheeseburgers.” 

Cas was huffing after his monologue. He hadn’t meant to say so much, but he was proud he stopped himself from saying anything more descriptive of who Dean was. 

“Five stars, huh? You got quite a list there, Cas. Hope you’re planning on dating a rich guy,” Dean said using his overly high pitched but clearly fake happy voice. 

“It was a metaphor, Dean.” Cas leveled him with a stare. “Can you imagine me at a place like that?”

“Actually, yeah I can. Probably some fancy French place where you actually order in French.” Dean chuckled. A real chuckle. The tension was lifting. 

“Hmm, it would likely be Italian. I find it to be a more romantic language. Plus, who doesn’t love pasta?” Cas winked and turned on his heel, marching back out to the grill. His potatoes needed to be flipped. 

With his back turned to Dean, Cas let his face fall. He was trying to flirt more at Sam’s advice, but it wasn’t going as well as he planned. Maybe he could drop a few more hints to help Dean assimilate to the idea of him being Mr. Perfect from Kansas, not Wisconsin. 

He was lifting the lid of the grill when he heard Dean approach. The time for bravery was now. He kept his back to Dean and reached for the tongs turning each of the potatoes.

“You make fun of my list Dean, but isn’t there something you want? Something that’s more important than dates, and yes, even sex? There has to be.” Cas closed the lids to the grill and looked Dean square in the eye. 

“Tell me what you want, Dean?” 

He was staring at his friend, willing him to say something, anything to give him a hint that this was worth giving up Heaven. Just a morsel so Cas would know that the showers, digestion, aches, pains, and urination was all worth it. 

“Do you remember when you told me good things do happen? Do still believe that?” Dean asked. He was looking down at feet, his voice soft and hesitant. 

“I do. I don’t just believe it, Dean, I’m living it. This, us, our...family. How is that not proof enough?” Cas wanted to keep going, but Dean was on the edge of something big, and if he pushed too hard, he might never get his friend to open up again. 

“Nothing has changed though. I’m still just me. I’m still a killer, morally ambiguous at the best of times, an actual monster at the worst. Why would I ever get something good?” Dean’s shoulders dropped, and Cas didn’t think that was possible. He looked so small and frail. Like he was expecting to get in trouble for stealing a cookie. 

“Dean, look at me,” Cas demanded. When Dean didn’t move, Cas placed two fingers under his chin, lifting Dean’s face until they were eye to eye. 

“There is no one, and I mean no one, more deserving than you. I wish you could see all the good you’ve done. The lives you’ve saved. The families you’ve kept together. It makes up for the bad. And I know there was a lot of bad. But my father wouldn’t have left everything in your hands if he didn’t think you were deserving.”

Dean closed his eyes leaning into Cas’ touch. There would be no better time—bringing up Chuck was the perfect way to transition into telling Dean he had a soulmate. He had to know, and Dean had been so receptive all day. Open and honest in a way he usually wasn’t. He was trying, and maybe that meant he could handle this better than Cas gave him credit for. But before he could speak Dean opened his eyes, red and glistening. 

“What if I can’t have what I want?”


	9. Chapter 9

Dean was standing in the kitchen, watching Cas as he fought back tears. Everything had been perfect. He was happy…all day with Cas he had been happy. They were flirting and touching. Cas reciprocating just as much. If he didn’t know any better, he would think Cas was on the same page. But how could he be? He knew everything Dean had done. He knew what kind of monster he was. Could he believe that Cas was being honest when he said Dean deserved what he wanted? He sounded sincere, but what if Cas knew Dean’s desire was for him to go against God’s plan and choose Dean over his destiny? Well, it actually wouldn’t be the first time, so maybe it wasn’t too far-fetched to assume Cas would choose him again. He already had a plan to prove he was worthy, he just had to stick to that. He couldn’t let the self-deprecating thoughts keep him from trying. 

“Dean, I’ve seen you stop the apocalypse God prophesied long before man even know free will was a choice. If you want something, all you have to do is take it,” Cas assured him. 

It felt like Cas was telling him all he had to do was ask for it. To ask for him. Maybe he could. “It wouldn’t be the first time I took something that wasn’t mine.” He looked at Cas, trying to push everything he felt through his eyes and into Cas’ soul. 

“Um, Dean, I have something I want to tell you. Since we’re talking about God.” Cas rubbed his hands down the front of his jeans, shifting his weight back and forth. 

“Uh, okay,” Dean hesitated, wondering what had Cas turning into a nervous mess. 

“I didn’t want to tell you this, I thought it would make you mad, but uh, I just. I think you should know. Sam and I are not the only ones with soulmates. When I said most true vessels have one, I didn’t want to ‘freak you out’ but, all true vessels have a soulmate. It makes it easier for an angel if their vessels can procreate and keep the bloodline going and…” Cas clamped his mouth shut, staring at Dean with wide eyes. 

It wasn’t as though Dean hadn’t assumed he had one too. Why would every other vessel he met have one except him? But he hadn't wanted to think about it much. Not only did he have to fight off Cas’ soulmate, but his own as well. What if he met her one day and it changed how things were with Cas? What if he got Cas to give up his soulmate and they were together for years, and then one day one of them came across the person they were destined to be with. Could they fight it? Would it change how they felt about each other? Was it worth the risk? Of all the questions he had, he knew the answer to the most important one. Yes, it was worth the risk. 

Needing something to do, Dean finally reached in the fridge to pull out the marinating steaks. He gathered all the items he would need before turning to walk out the door. Hoping Cas would follow if he started talking. 

“I uh, I guess I kind of figured I would have one too when you told me about Sam,” Dean said.

It was the most honest conversation they had in a long time, and Dean figured he might as well keep with the theme before his buzz wore off and he regretted all of it. He waited for Cas to comment, but after several long moments of silence, he continued. “So how does this work? Do we meet and just fall in love? Do you even have a choice?” 

Cas, who had been looking down, peered at him through his lashes. “No Dean, you don’t just fall in love. You always have a choice. You will feel drawn to the person. Want to have them in your life, but it doesn’t have to be romantic. You and Sam have the same marks, which is what we are calling soulmates. It’s why no matter how angry you get at each other, you can’t live without one another. It’s also why you share a heaven. You're bonded in that you were the vessels of the apocalypse. But you have another mark as well, one that could be romantic. If you wanted it to be.” Cas lifted his eyes, peering into Dean’s soul. At least that’s what it felt like. 

“Cas? Do you know who my soulmate is?” He wasn’t sure why he asked. But Chuck told him so much about it. He might have clued Cas into helping Dean find that person. Or in Dean’s ideal case, avoid them. 

“I…” 

“Dean! Cas? Where are you?” Both men heard the shouts of Sam ringing through the house. 

Cas turned his head, but kept his eyes on Dean, calling out to Sam. “We’re out here.” 

He turned his focus back to Dean with a sad smile. “I can tell you everything you want to know, Dean. If you really do want to know, but let’s just have fun tonight, okay? We’ll figure everything out tomorrow.” 

It sounded like the best idea Dean had ever heard. Because tomorrow, Cas would probably have a hangover, and Dean wasn't going to push it. If he pretended neither of them has someone else waiting, he could go on believing that they could fight destiny. It’s kind of what he and Cas did best. 

With new resolve, Dean stood up straight and started throwing meat on the grill. The sizzling soothed his racing mind. Just have fun. He could do that. He was good at having fun. 

“Heya, Sammy, grab a few more beers,” Dean called back into the house, letting out a deep breath. 

Sam came out with his hands full of beer. “Kori will be back in a bit. She stayed with Thumper.” 

“She named it? Oh man, she’s going to keep him isn’t she?” Dean chuckled. Of course, Sam’s soulmate would find a wounded animal and take it under her care. 

“Was there ever any doubt? She’s already talking about getting him a brother.” Sam passed out the beers, raising his in the air before taking a long guzzle. 

“Please tell me the brother’s name isn’t going to be Bambi. That’s just morbid,” Dean joked, making Sam snort into his beer.

“Nah, I already named him Seger.” Sam eyed Dean, daring him to comment. The reality was rabbits were cute, and he wouldn’t mind going over to his brother’s, wherever they end up, playing with a few pets. 

“Okay, then. At least you gave him a good name.” 

Sam’s face broke out in a childlike grin. “Well, he is the greatest rock writer of all time. At least, that’s what I hear.” 

Both brothers laughed. There was a lightness between them they never had before. It made Dean’s heart swell until it could burst. He didn’t want what they had to end.

“Hey, what’s with the mess on the counter?” Kori asked as she walked through the door. She was cradling the small rabbit to her chest, stepping carefully not to jostle him. 

“Oh, Cas and I were doing shots.” Dean turned back to make sure the food on the grill was good, before closing the lid. He didn’t want to share the meaning behind the specific shots, but he did want to share one with his family. 

“We’re getting Cas drunk tonight. Come on. You gotta catch up.” Dean slapped Sam on the back as he walked into the kitchen. 

In an effort to lighten the mood, Dean lined up several shots. He wasn’t joking about testing Cas’ limit. He opted to forgo the whipped cream, and though Cas gave him a strange look, he didn’t question why. Which was for the best because Dean didn’t understand why. He wanted that to be just between him and Cas. 

They took their shots one after another. Laughing and generally being happy. Throughout their meal, they ate perfectly cooked steak, potatoes, and even Dean enjoyed the roasted veggie recipe Cas found. 

After spending over an hour eating, and another drinking, Dean was feeling warm, fuzzy, and full. His favorite feeling. Well, if he were honest, warm, fuzzy, full, and orgasm drunk would be his real favorite, but this was close enough. Especially since he was just drunk enough to openly stare at Cas in his new Docker shorts. They were dark blue, and his short-sleeve red and blue plaid hit right at his hip, drawing Dean’s stare to his perfect ass. 

Someone suggested dragging the firepit down by the water. Everyone jumped up––as fast as anyone can jump up after several shots of whiskey and a hand full of beers––rushing to collect everything they would need. Dean put himself in charge of bringing the almost empty bottle of whiskey, and a bucket of beers. 

They were down by the water, the night perfect weather for a fire. The lake was still, and lightning bugs painted the sky with yellow dots. It was beautiful. If Dean had any say in what memories he re-lived in heaven, this would be at the top of the list. 

Cas was wobbly and laughing at every corny joke Sam made. He never laughed as an angel. He huffed a chuckle once or twice, and Dean had seen him grin or preen a few times, but never full body laughter like he was doing now. It was calming, seeing Cas so carefree. He was happy with them. It wasn’t always that way…they had moments where they couldn’t stand each other, but they always came back to one another. With an apology or forgiveness, never willing to let go of what they had. 

Dean remembered when he found Cas as Emmanuel. He told him he wasn’t sure if he could forgive his friend, Cas. But as soon as recognition flashed in Castiel's eyes outside of the psychiatric hospital, there was never a question of forgiveness. He realized he was masking the pain of losing Cas with the anger and hostility. But as soon as his Cas was back, he needed to make things right. But more than anything he just needed Cas. Not a simple want or desire to have his friend close. But a visceral compulsion to have Cas by his side. 

It was a similar feeling to what he had watching Cas sing along with Sam and Kori in an awful acapella version of “American Pie.” He laughed when everyone sang: “Bye Bye Miss American pie, drove Dean’s Chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry.” He blushed at Cas, catching him staring as he sang the words right to the hunter himself. 

Dean had been hanging back, feet dangling off the dock, toes just skimming the water. After making eye contact, Cas started walking toward him, his smile never fading. 

“You’re missing all the fun,” Cas said towering over him. 

Dean smiled lazily, “No I’m not.” 

Like two horny teenagers, the moment Sam and Kori were left alone they were pawing at each other, attached at the lips. 

“Looks like it’s just you and me,” Dean said pointing with his chin to the inky silhouette of the two lust drunk figures. 

“I’m okay with that.” Cas kicked off his flip-flops and sat down with a thunk next to Dean. He was still unsteady, even sitting, and fell into Dean the moment his bottom hit the dock. 

Instead of pushing Cas the opposite direction to sit him up straight, Dean reached out and put his arm around the other man’s shoulder to help him settle. His heart was hammering a steady rhythm in his chest. Matching the beat perfectly to the pause in “Renegade” by Styx, and what a perfect song to match Dean’s plan. If he and Cas were not Renegades than he didn’t know what they were. 

Cas, for his part, didn’t seem to notice the mini-crisis Dean was having, and leaned into his friend, letting Dean take the majority of his weight. Cas’ eyes were closed, and he heaved a deep sigh. “This is nice,” he whispered. He was close enough that his breath tickled across Dean’s neck. 

“It is. It’s beautiful out here.” He remained still, afraid that any movement would remind Cas that they don’t do this. They weren’t this close or this intimate. And though Dean never imagined it, the weight of Cas against his body felt exactly like coming home. 

The pair sat quietly on the dock enjoying the sounds of a warm summer night. The locust chirping, the water gently rippling, lapping against their toes. A distant rumble of thunder, the first sign of an impending storm. 

“I love the rain,” Cas said, lowering himself to lay down against the cool wood, gaze lingering on the heavy clouds in the distance. 

“I didn’t know that.” Dean followed suit, laying down bumping his shoulder up against Cas’. 

“It’s not like we’ve spent a lot of time talking about our likes and dislikes.” Cas turned to look at Dean, eyes soft. He might be projecting, but Dean thought he saw pleading in Cas eyes. Permission to change that, allowance for small talk. 

“We’ve got time now. Hell, it looks like we got nothing but time.” As if they were playing Simon Says, Dean once again copied Cas and looked over at his friend. Only, Cas hadn’t looked away, and they were nose to nose. He could smell the whiskey on Cas’ breath, make out every eyelash that framed his dark eyes. The moonlight and distant glow of the fire made him look pale. 

For the first time since he started thinking about Cas and himself as something more, he was sure that was what he wanted. He had the urge to inch forward and brush his lips against Cas’. He wanted to see if the whiskey lingered on his tongue. He needed to know what it felt like having strong hands pull him forward. 

He hesitated for a moment, before leaning in, just a fraction, when a loud crack of thunder startled him, making him jerk back. 

_ Fuck! Did I just almost kiss Cas? Was Cas leaning in too? _

He dropped his head forward, chin bumping his chest. He felt the sting of rejection, even though he hadn’t been turned away. In fact, it looked as though Cas was just as interested. 

“When I was a human, it was raining when I met April. It’s why I went home with her. I was so cold and so hungry—”

“Cas, I’m—”

“I know Dean. You’re sorry. You had to. I would have chosen to leave if I knew the circumstances. That’s not the point I’m trying to make.”

Dean watched Cas out of the corner of his eye. “Okay.” 

“Anyway, after that I hated the rain. I thought if I hadn't been so cold I would have turned her down. I don’t know when it changed. But eventually I started to tolerate it, then it became okay, something out of necessity. But now, I love it. The change in temperature, the clouds, the thunder, and lightning especially. It’s like everything gets to take a day and reset itself.” 

“It sounds nice when you put it that way.” Dean folded his hands behind his head. 

“Will you stay out here with me? Until it starts to rain?” Cas asked, leaning his head to rest against Dean’s elbow. 

“Yeah.”

They lay on the old wooden dock watching the clouds moving in, covering the moon. The fire was dying down, and there wasn’t much light. They pulled their feet up out of the water when the lightning started but didn’t move more than that. Cas rested close to Dean, his head inching further up Dean’s arm until Cas’ dark hair tickled his cheek. He didn’t even know Cas had fallen asleep until he heard the soft snores coming from next to him. Given just a few moments longer, Dean himself could have fallen asleep. 

He put his hand on Cas’ warm chest and gave a small shake. “Cas, come on. Let’s go in.” 

Cas hummed and turned on his side, snuggling into Dean. It was cute how Cas snuffled and rubbed his face against the hunter’s arm. They stayed out a few moments longer before a loud boom jerked Cas awake. He shot straight up, eyes flicking around his surroundings. Dean sat up and placed a hand on his arm, hoping to calm his friend from his frightened state. 

“Dean,” Cas sighed. He shoulders slumped in relief. 

“Come on, let’s get you inside,” Dean said standing and reaching a hand out to Cas. Dean was grateful for the walkout basement because there was no way a sleepy, still half-drunk Cas would have safely made it down the narrow staircase that led from the kitchen to the basement. 

The rain was coming faster, and by the time Dean was shutting the glass door to their living quarters, they were all but drenched. Cas was shivering as he walked into the bathroom. They hadn’t bought him anything warm to wear, but Dean had an old hoodie he kept in his duffle that he dug out while Cas was in the bathroom. 

He knocked on the door and handed Cas the hoodie and an old pair of sweatpants that were soft and warm without being too thick. Dean dressed in his own room putting on his favorite track pants and a worn black t-shirt that was a size too big. 

Dean felt wide awake after dragging his friend across the yard in the rain, so he sat on the couch and turned the TV on. Cas came out of the bathroom looking cozy in Dean’s clothes. He grabbed the blanket off the back of the sofa, wrapping himself like a burrito. Without even looking at Dean, he laid down resting his head in the man’s lap. It wasn’t even thirty seconds before Cas was softly snoring again. 

Dean was shocked by Castiel and stared down at his dark hair. He didn’t know Cas’ motives but didn’t mind the comfort of having him close. He never even turned the volume up on the TV before falling asleep himself. 

 

~~~~~~

 

Cas nuzzled deeper into his pillow not wanting to open his eyes. His neck ached, and his head was pounding. He was just on the cusp of drifting back off when his pillow...moved? Why was it moving? And for that matter, why was the pillow so hard? It had been nice and plush the night before. 

He felt fingers run through his hair. It was a nice comforting feeling and not helping him wake up. 

“Cas. Hey, you gotta let me up.” Why did his pillow sound like Dean? 

Cas opened his bleary eyes not recognizing his surroundings. His nose was buried in soft black fabric, and the hand was still stroking his hair. It only took him a moment longer to realize his pillow didn’t sound like Dean, it _ was _ Dean. 

He shot up, and his stomach roiled. “I’m gonna be—” was all Cas could get out before a trashcan was being shoved in his hands. He was so grateful not to have to jump up and run to the bathroom, and he retched into the plastic bin. 

He didn’t know how long he sat there hugging the garbage pail, but soon it was whisked away and replaced with a blissfully cold glass of water. Cas took a couple of sips before Dean dropped two pain relievers into his hand.

“Here, take these and lay back down. I’ll bring you something to eat,” Dean said leaning down to pat him on the shoulder. 

Cas couldn’t possibly imagine eating, but all the times he’d seen Dean hungover, he knows that a greasy breakfast had always helped. 

He was roused a short time later by the smell of bacon. Cas cracked an eye open to see Dean standing in front of him holding an honest to goodness breakfast tray. He set up very carefully, make sure not to jostle his stomach too much. Dean sat the tray down on the couch in between them. Two plates piled high with all Dean’s breakfast favorites. 

“I didn’t know what you felt like, so I kind of brought everything. They had a fucking carafe. All you can drink coffee.” Dean laughed as if a coffee carafe was some absurd kitchen fixture. Given that he spent his life on the road, maybe it was. 

“Thank you, Dean. I really appreciate this.” Cas took his coffee mug and took a long gulp, completely ignoring the burn in his throat. 

He ate groggily, humming his gratitude with each bite of something new. As soon as the caffeine activated his brain, he began to wonder how he ended up sleeping on Dean’s lap. The last thing he remembered was slipping off to sleep watching lightning paint the sky over the lake. Cas wondered if he should say something. Should he apologize? It didn’t seem like Dean minded, and he wasn’t acting standoffish the way he was wont to when he was annoyed. Did it have anything to do with the way Dean stared at him on the dock? The way their eyes were locked, drawing each man closer to the other...

“Have you gone through your backpack yet? Seen what all Chuck set you up with?” Dean asked throwing his napkin on the now empty tray. 

“No, I keep forgetting it. Should we look into it?” Cas asked sliding his empty plate under Dean’s. 

“Yeah, I mean, unless it’s something you want to do in private?” Dean lifted his eyebrows in question. 

“No,” Cas barked. “I might need your help. I mean, there might be something in there I don’t know what to do with.” He felt his cheeks burn as his overly enthusiastic denial of privacy. 

“Yeah, okay.” 

Cas slid off the couch, still moving slowly, more from stiff muscles than his hangover. The unassuming backpack sat on the floor of his bedroom. He had no desire to check the contents when he got beamed down into the parking lot where he caught Dean praying. Since then, everything had been moving quickly, and a backpack full of papers didn’t seem necessary.  

He placed the black Jansport between him and Dean where the tray had been. Dean must have quickly run it upstairs while Cas fetched his items. He pulled the zipper back slowly, not understanding his hesitation. There couldn’t be anything in there that would change what he and Dean had already worked out. Which was staying together until Dean either figured out he was the mystery soulmate or asked him to leave. He prayed to his father it was the former, and not actually a combination of both. 

The first thing he pulled out was a royal blue diploma folder the insignia read Brandeis University:  _ Trust even unto its innermost parts _ . He cocked his head to the side. For all he knew about the world, higher education in America was never anything he found worth exploring. It seemed like a Ponzi scheme to him.  _ Do as I say, and you will get rich and be successful. But make sure you preach the importance of the product. You must convert others, usually your children and friends. You have to go into crippling debt, only be at the same advantage as everyone else.  _

Knowledge was something he found should be shared freely for anyone wanting to learn. He didn’t care what was on the inside of the folder, but if he wanted to work in this country, he needed that paper saying he was smart enough to have a job. 

He opened the blue cardboard folder, his eyes raking over the cream colored sheet of parchment. He saw his name in large old English letters in the center of the paper.  _ Castiel James Winchester _ the line under that read  _ Doctor of Philosophy in Religious Studies.  _

The folder slipped out of Castiel’s sweaty palms. His eyes were darting back and forth trying to come up with a logical explanation. Why had Chuck made his last name Winchester? What was Dean going to think?  

“Cas, you okay?” Dean asked his lips pulling down at the corners and his eyebrows knitted together. 

Cas shuffled and tucked the diploma back in the backpack quickly before Dean could see it. “Yes, I’m fine. I was just shocked at Chuck’s, um, sense of humor. He gave me a Ph.D. in Religious Studies.” 

Dean threw his whole body back against the couch and let out a raucous laugh. “Of course he did. What the hell are you going to do with a degree in Religious Studies? You can’t go around saying everything you learned in college was wrong.” 

Castiel wished he could be as amused as Dean. Behind the panic, he knew it was funny. He knew more about religion than any existing human, and Dean was correct, most of what humans knew to be true was highly inaccurate. 

He didn’t want to continue but knew if he stopped Dean would push further to find out what was wrong. So he pulled out another folder, this one plain manila labeled,  _ Important Documents _ . Inside were his birth certificate––he purposely didn’t look at the name––a social security card, the transcripts from Brandeis University, and the deed to a home. Cas laughed out loud when he read the address on the document. Though Dean looked at him questioningly, he didn’t reveal what made him so giddy. He was going to save that for later. 

Next was a simple black leather wallet. He opened it and found several cards. One had the name of a local bank, and the other three were well-known credit cards. On the bank card, there was a post-it note with a four-digit number, and what looked to be login information.  It seemed Chuck really thought out everything he would need, going so far as establishing him credit and user accounts. The last thing in the wallet made him pause. He knew what the driver's license would say, but he didn’t want to look at it. 

How would Dean take it? If he didn’t know they were soulmates, maybe he would assume his last name was Winchester because Dean and Sam always called him a brother. But he promised Dean yesterday he would tell him everything today, and he wasn’t going back on that. Once he learned they were soulmates and saw that Cas’ legal last name was the same as his, he was sure the hunter would freak out. He had been using Jimmy’s information for so long. He didn’t understand why Chuck couldn’t have just made all his documents read “Novak.” Or “Jones” or “Smith” for that matter, anything but “Winchester.” 

He was lost in his thoughts trying to come up with a way to explain everything to Dean when he felt the wallet sliding out of his hands. It didn’t feel like when he dropped the diploma. The wallet was falling  _ up _ ? Oh no, Dean...he was pulling the wallet from his hands. 

He was frozen. He knew about fight, flight, or freeze, Understood the neurological reaction that caused a human to react to stress. But he didn’t know how to stop it. He wanted to reach out and grab the wallet, smack it out of Dean’s hand. He would even be willing to throw himself on top of his friend to get him to stop from seeing they shared the last name in the eyes of the law. 

“Let’s see what your picture looks like,” Dean said sliding the small card from its resting place. 

That was the moment when Castiel’s brain decided it was done freezing, and it was now time to fight. He reached for the wallet, managing to grab it. His sweaty fingers gripping the smooth leather, but he didn’t have enough grip to pull the thing from Dean’s hand. 

“What the hell, Cas?” Dean asked. Holding the wallet up above his head. He stared at Cas like he’d lost his mind. 

Castiel scrambled across the couch, knocking off the backpack in the process, and went with what was probably the worst distraction he could come up with. He threw himself on Dean’s lap, straddling his hips as he reached for the wallet. He couldn’t let Dean see his driver’s license. Not yet. Cas grabbed Dean’s wrist with his right hand and snatched the wallet away with his left. He threw it next to the spilled mess of the turned over bag. 

To his surprise, Dean didn’t shout “what the fuck?” and shove him to the ground as Castiel expected. Instead, he gasped and stared at Cas with open confusion. For a moment, it felt like time had stopped. Cas had his legs wrapped around Dean, his knees next to the man’s hips. His chest was a scant two inches away from Dean’s, and their faces were so close he could smell the coffee on Dean’s breath. 

Alarm bells were ringing in his mind, screaming at him to move. To get off Dean before he made him uncomfortable, but a small part told him to stay. The same small part of his brain that reminded him that Dean had leaned in the previous day. Throughout the morning he’d told himself over and over again they didn’t almost kiss. Dean didn’t lean in and had no interest in Cas in that way. He had thought about it all through breakfast, but couldn’t allow himself to hope Dean wanted that with him. It was too soon. Sam’s suggestion to flirt couldn’t have made that much of a  difference in just one day.

But as he sat there straddling Dean, the same look as the night before on his face, he let in a tiny trickle of hope. Cas was a Seraph. A soldier made for fighting. Fear wasn’t supposed to be part of his makeup. And until he met Dean Winchester, it hadn’t been. He would follow orders that took him to the depths of hell without fear. But seeing the way Dean looked at him at that moment scared him to death. He had prepared himself for the look of disgust or disappointment when Dean found out they were bonded––soulmates. He even prepared for rage or possible violence. In all his planning he did not anticipate the soft look Dean was giving him. A look he wanted to read as longing with a hint of desire. 

Cas mustered up all the courage it took to lay siege to hell as he raised a trembling hand to Dean’s face. He moved slowly as if he were petting a wounded kitten. When his fingertips brushed Dean’s skin, the man closed his eyes and pushed his face into Cas’ palm, mindlessly licking his lips. 

Cas’ eyes tracked the movements as Dean’s tongue slid out and rolled over his bottom lip. He took a deep breath and set his resolve. If there was a snowball's chance that Dean wanted this, he wasn’t passing up the opportunity. 

Cas lowered his head, eyes never leaving Dean’s lids, still expecting them to shoot open in regret. He slid his hand from Dean’s cheek to the back of his neck, tilting his head back just a bit. Castiel's eyes danced across the other man’s face, looking for the tiniest hint of hesitation. Dean puckered his lips almost imperceptibly, and that was all the affirmation Cas needed. He kept his eyes on Dean, not wanting to miss a single moment. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he pressed his lips into Dean’s. A gentle touch in warning before pushing harder against his mouth. 

Dean drew in a sharp breath and wrapped his arms around Cas, pulling him closer, so he was fully seated on Dean’s lap. Cas parted his lips in a gasp, and the tip of Dean’s tongue slipped in, tickling the tip of Castiel's own. 

The kiss progressed from exploratory to passionate in no time. The tentative touch of lips and tongues turned into needy nips and sucks. Dean’s mouth was everything he had imagined and so much more. He moaned as Dean sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and scraped his teeth lightly along the sensitive flesh of the inside of his lip. 

He couldn’t stop his hips from bucking forward, pushing his erection into Dean’s stomach. He had never been so aroused and was worried he might come in his pants. Just having Dean’s mouth on his was enough to have him feeling the first tingles of his release. He gasped in both pain and pleasure as Dean bit down on his lip. The hunter let out a growl and dug his fingers into Cas’ hips. Dean pushed him back a few inches, and Cas cried out when he felt Dean’s hard cock brush his own. 

He hadn’t imagined the other man would be as turned on as he was. He suspected Dean was merely testing the waters, exploring with someone he knew was safe. But as Dean held his hips down with fingers so tight, he suspected bruises were already forming, he let himself believe Dean wanted this as much as he did. Dean was grinding against him so hard he was worried the would both end up chafed, but couldn’t stop himself long enough to try and rectify the situation. 

They had long since stopped kissing and were panting into each other's mouths, lips merely brushing each time they pushed forward in unison. They were setting a steady rhythm of rocking back and forth, making sure their cocks kept contact the entire time. Cas was thankful they were both in threadbare sweats, and not trapped behind denim. 

Dean slid his hands down to Cas’ ass, gripping firmly, pulling him up on his knees just a bit above Dean’s lap. He whined at the lost connection, but Dean’s hands were fast as lighting pulling his sweats down to his thighs and grabbing his dick. Cas gasped and threw his head back at the feel of Dean’s fingers around his throbbing cock. His body went slack, and he felt like he was going to slump forward on Dean. The feeling of his hands on him almost enough to make him completely satisfied. 

He felt Dean pull back, and soon there was a clothed cock brush against his exposed balls. He looked down to see Dean wiggling out of his sweats, his hard cock bouncing free from the thin fabric. Cas took a moment to rip his shirt off, and dropped it next to himself. He did the same to Dean, running his fingers against warm skin as he lifted the thin black fabric.

He needed to feel Dean’s bare flesh against his, and slammed himself back down on Dean lap, sitting back, so their cocks aligned perfectly. A long groan escaped his throat as he thrust forward rubbing Dean’s cock against his. 

“Wait, wait, wait,” Dean growled and licked his palm. He wrapped the spit-slick hand around Cas and gave a few tugs before doing the same to himself. “Okay,” he said and gripped both of their cocks firmly. Thrusting forward and grinding them into each other as he held them both tightly in his hand. 

Cas was only moments away from what he knew was going to be the best orgasm he’d ever had. Not that he had many to compare it to, but being with Dean was more than a dream come it. They were fulfilling destiny, and he felt that tingling in every nerve. He couldn’t hold back and buried his face in Dean’s neck thrusting forward as hard as he could. His orgasm ripped through his body. He broke out in goosebumps, legs trembling, as come splashed against Dean’s stomach. 

Through the numbness, he hard Dean gasp, “Fuck,” and felt Dean’s warm fluid wash over his spent cock. He was still twitching when Dean collapsed back against the couch, wrapping his arm around Cas. He knew that when they came down from this, they would have to talk. He was scared when Dean learned they were chosen to be together. He might fight against it on principle alone. So he stayed pressed against Dean as long as he could. Soaking up every second in case it was the only time he was able to have this. 


	10. Chapter 10

Dean relaxed against the couch, Cas limp on top of him, trying to figure out what had just happened. One second he was reaching for Cas’ new wallet and the next the guy was on top of him. It all happened so fast. He wasn’t sure he didn’t miss a few details. How or why had Cas jumped on top of him? How did they end up grinding into each other until they were both covered in come? Why had it felt like nothing he’d ever experienced before? Why was the sense of panic starting to settle in his chest? 

This is what he wanted. Way faster, and less planned than he imagined, sure, but still exactly what he’d been working toward. So why was his instinct to run? He needed a second alone, needed to process what just happened. Dean had to escape without letting Cas know anything was potentially wrong. 

“Hey, um, Cas?” he whispered. 

“Hmm?” 

“I’ve gotta get up. I, uh, need the bathroom.” It was lame but believable. It wouldn't cause any red flags and give him a second to cope. 

Without a word, Cas lifted himself from Dean. Cas’ eyes were droopy, and he had a smirk plastered on his face. He stumbled a little getting up because his pants were still down around his knees. Cas flopped back looking so peaceful, happiness painted across his face. He couldn’t just leave him there, looking half stoned with dried semen all over him. 

“Don’t move, I’ll get you a washcloth.” Dean couldn’t help but smile at Cas’ dopey grin. He was sitting there as if they hadn’t just changed everything. As if they didn’t go against the plan that God himself had set in motion for them. He couldn’t take that look away from Cas. No matter how freaked out he was, he wasn’t going to let Cas know. 

He went into their shared bathroom and cleaned himself off, wetting a second cloth for Cas. He made sure it was still warm when he headed back his friend. Or, whatever he was now. 

“Uh, here,” he said, keeping his focused on the couch. 

“Oh, thank you,” Cas replied. He must have wiped himself off with one of their shirts, and pulled his pants back up because he was crouched down putting everything back in his backpack.

“I think I’m just going to take a shower if that’s okay,” Cas murmured. He was blushing and avoiding eye contact as much as Dean had been. 

“Oh, yeah, no, go ahead. I’ll just, uh, I’ll be out here when you’re done.” Dean swept his arm across the room. He wanted to bring his palm up and smack it right into his forehead for how awkward he was being. This is exactly what he didn’t want to do. 

Cas squinted at him, pulling his eyebrows lower and gave him the trademark confused Castiel head tilt. He shrugged slightly before walking toward the bathroom. It wasn’t until he heard the shower turn on that Dean felt like he could finally breathe. 

For all the teasing he knew he would endure, he wanted to talk to Sam. He would know what to do, how to fix him so he could stop panicking. Dean would eventually have to talk to Sam about what he was feeling for Cas anyway. He might as well use it to his advantage. 

He turned on his heel, ready to march up the stairs before he chickened out when he kicked a small rectangle of leather—Cas’ wallet. He picked it up, with every intention of sliding it into the backpack. It felt like the leather burned in his hand. There was something in there that Cas didn’t want him to see, and he should respect that. He wanted to respect it, but Cas’ reaction was so worried, so visceral. Whatever was in there couldn’t be that bad. 

He took a deep breath and listened. The water was still running. He looked around the room making sure he was in the clear before for slowly pulling the wallet open. He was treating it as if a demon was going to jump out and stab him, and opened it away from his body. He huffed a laugh at how cautious he was when all he saw was an ID and a few credit cards. 

He slipped the ID out, eyes tracing over the messy dark haired image of Cas. He looked younger, and the carefully tousled hair made him think this was more a picture of Jimmy than of Cas. He looked over the rest of the information. It expired in just a few months. The address made Dean snort laugh. 123 Easy Street, Topeka Kansas 66546. It turned out it wasn’t a metaphor after all. He would have to help Cas look it up online. Castiel, owner of a home on literal easy street. It couldn’t get much better than that. 

He was still chuckling as he went to slide the card back into its place when it hit him—Cas didn’t have a last name. He hadn't looked at the name and assumed it would have been “Novak” like Jimmy and Claire. Curiosity got the best of him, wondering if Chuck came up with a cool last name like “Plant” when his eyes bugged out of his head. Castiel J. Winchester. 

_ What the fuck? _

“Dean?” Cas asked standing in the middle of the living room wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his hips. 

Dean lifted his head slowly, embarrassed by getting caught snooping.“I’m sorry,” was all he could think to say. 

Cas snatched the wallet and license out of Dean’s hand, making him jump at the quick movement. 

“I didn’t ask for that,” he demanded. “I guess Chuck thought it made sense. I’m sorry. If it bothers you, I can change it.” 

Cas was looking at his feet, acting as if he’d done something wrong. 

Dean ducked his head trying to catch Cas’ eye. “Hey, it’s fine. You’re family, right? You’ve been like a Winchester for years, Cas. Now we have the documents to prove it.” 

_ Only it’s kind of weird now because I sorta wanted to date you and don’t want people thinking you’re my brother. _

Cas raised his head, his eyes dull, so unlike his usual bright shining gaze. It reminded Dean of when Lucifer possessed him. 

“Like a brother. Right.” He nodded once and stalked toward his room.

“Cas, wait.” Dean walked after him only to have the door slammed in his face. 

“Fuck!” Dean pounded on Castiel’s door. “Cas, come on.” 

What was he going to say? He didn’t mean it? I’m sorry, I just had my first male on male sexual encounter, and I’m a little frazzled by you either being my brother or husband? Dean wasn’t going to admit that husband was the first thought he had when he saw Castiel Winchester. They had experienced one encounter, hadn’t talked about what it meant, and suddenly they had to decide what having the same last name means? 

_ Why does this have to be so complicated already? _

Dean slunk away from the door, needing to talk to Sam more than ever. He was planning his threat of bodily harm he would present to Sam, should he feel the need to make fun of him. He wasn’t above cutting Sam’s hair in his sleep if it came to that. He needed to make sure his little brother was aware of this. 

To his immense relief, Sam was alone in the kitchen starting a pot of coffee. He looked about as hungover as Cas, but had years of experience with going about his day, even if he felt like shit. 

“Hey,” Dean said. He slid onto a stool at the bar. The dishes from his early morning breakfast still sat in the sink across from him. 

“Hey. Just making a fresh pot.” Sam yawned lifting the carafe as if Dean didn’t know what he was talking about.  

“So, ah..” He didn’t know how to start. Did he just tell Sam what they did? Should he leave out them rutting against each other until they were covered in come? Maybe he needed to know something more happened, but not what? 

_ This was an awful idea. Fuck! _

Sam must have heard something in his voice because he stopped pouring the water in the coffee maker, turning to Dean with those stupid empathetic eyes. 

“Dean? What’s wrong?” Sam asked, lowering the pot.

“Uh. So Cas and me…” Dean scratched the short hairs at the nape of his neck, looking down at the counter. “We uh…”

“Did you guys have a fight?” Sam asked, clearly losing some of his concern, before finishing the coffee.

“No. Not a fight. Kinda the opposite.” 

Sam was looking at him tight-lipped, flaring his nostrils. “You two are worse than those stupid soap operas you pretend not to like.” 

“They're called telenovelas, and they are not stupid. They...shut up no we’re not.” Dean scowled at his brother. 

He and Cas were kind of like a soap opera right now. Everything had fucked up so fast. Cas had been like a brother to him for years. But the pained look on the man's face meant that maybe being just family had been problematic before the fiasco downstairs. 

Does that mean Cas wishes he was more than a brother? 

“So what are you fighting about?” Sam asked, pulling down two mugs and setting them on the counter. 

“I told you. We’re not fighting. We kind of um...you know.” Dean closed his eyes bobbing his head from side to side. He was struggling to find the right words. 

“No, Dean. I really don’t know.”

“Wekindofhookedup,” Dean blurted in a rush of strung together words. 

Sam’s face scrunched up, “You what?” 

“I don’t know, man. We were kind of wrestling, then we were kissing, and then we, uh, did some other stuff.” As Sam drew in a breath to speak, Dean quickly added, “I swear to God, or Chuck or who the fuck ever, if you say one damn thing, I’m cutting your hair off and killing your rabbit.” Dean pointed a finger in his brother's face. 

Sam batted Dean’s hand away. “Calm down. I’m not saying anything. But seriously Dean, is everything okay?”

Dean set back, shoulders drooping. “No, Sammy it’s not. It’s a fucking mess. I just had, uh, I mean, did stuff, with my best friend who has someone else out there waiting for him. Then I told him he’s been like family for years and he got mad and stormed to his room slamming the door in my face.” 

He didn’t realize how quickly he’d been talking until he finally took a deep breath. For the first time since he saw his brother that morning, he looked him in the eye, pleading for him to understand. Hoping that for all the times Sam begged him to talk, to let him help shoulder the burden, that this one time––when he actually asked for it––his little brother could help. 

“Why the hell did you call him family after doing  _ stuff _ with him?” 

“I don’t know, man. Chuck made his legal last name Winchester. He looked freaked out. I was freaked out. So I told him it didn’t matter, that he’s been part of the family for years.” Dean scrubbed his hands up and down his face, running his fingers through his hair. 

“Dean,” Sam said softly. 

“Don’t ‘Dean’ me. This is your fault.”

“My fault? How?” Sam nearly shrieked. 

“You’re the one that said to court the guy. Take him on mandates.” 

Sam rested his hand a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “I told you to spend time with him, enjoy his company. Look, man, you guys have always had your weird bond. It always seemed like something more was there.” 

“Yeah well, now I know what it’s like, and I don’t get to have it.” Dean steadied his breathing as he slumped forward. “How am I supposed to live without that?” 

It was an honest question. Dean couldn’t stand the thought of Cas sharing what they had just done with anyone else. He wasn’t worthy, and sure as fuck didn’t deserve it, but he couldn’t let another man touch Cas the way he wanted to. 

“Do you mean that?” Sam implored. 

“What? That I can’t live with him being with someone else? Yeah, I mean it.”

“So don’t,” Sam said as if that were a real answer. 

Dean’s eyebrows knitted together and he shook his head slightly, “Don’t what?” 

“Don’t watch him be with someone else. Dean, I already told you Cas would choose you every time. Destiny has never stopped you two from fucking shit up. Why would this be any different? He was clearly hurt by you saying he was family. Maybe he doesn’t want to be with whoever this mystery soulmate is. Maybe he smells like cheese and writes telenovela fanfiction in his mom's basement. Or maybe he’s one of those model looking guys from  _ Queer Eye _ . Yeah, I saw your queue. Six episodes in one night?”

“Get to the point, Sam,” Dean growled, leaning in closer to Sam. 

“My point is, they aren’t you. Cas has never done what he was supposed to. He’s always stayed with us. Always helped, even when it cost him everything. Dean, just ask him to stay.”

The words bounced around in Dean’s mind. Ask him to stay. Just like that?  _ Cas, don’t leave me. I’ll be better? I’ll make up for all we’ve done wrong. I’ll be worthy of you?  _

He didn’t say anything as he stood, only giving his little brother a pat on the back and a half smile before walking away. Stopping in the doorway, Dean turned back one last time to confirm, “Just ask him to stay?” 

“Yes. Tell him you want him to stay Dean. It’s all you can do,” Sam assured him. 

He took the stairs on shaky legs. Cas getting so upset at the thought of only being family must have meant something. He had to have some sort of feeling of rejection to be so angry with Dean. It should have been comforting to know that the idea of only being family was enough to upset him. It should have given Dean a semblance of confidence, maybe even hope, but it didn’t. It hurt to think he caused Cas pain. How could he promise never to do it again, if he couldn’t go five minutes after they got together for the first time without fucking up? 

Dean didn’t allow himself to ask any more questions. He had to tell Cas what he wanted and let him decide. There was no more waiting. 

Now or never. 

Cas’ door was open slightly, and the light turned off. He peeked inside to see everything cleared away. No sign of dirty laundry, his shoes were gone, phone missing from the nightstand. He looked around searching for a sign that Cas was still there. When he couldn’t find the backpack, he began to panic. Had he left? 

Dean dashed across the hall to his room, scooping up his keys and wallet. Cas had to have started walking and wouldn’t be far. He couldn’t have been talking to Sam for more than twenty minutes. 

He ran up the stairs racing towards the front door when be bumped into Kori, knocking her to the ground. 

“Shit, sorry,” he said reaching down to help her up. 

“Where are you running off to?” she asked dusting herself off. 

“I gotta find Cas.” Dean jerked the door open but was stopped by Kori gripping his arm. 

“What do you mean ‘find Cas’? He’s down at the dock?” She pointed in the direction of the lake. 

“What?” Dean huffed.

“He said he needed some air, and took a walk.” Kori shrugged as if she hadn’t just lifted a thousand pound weight off Dean’s shoulders. 

“Fuck,” Dean sighed. “Okay. Good.” He was walking across the room to the back door closest to the dock when he turned back to her. “Where’s all his stuff?” 

Kori lifted one shoulder, “I don’t know. He was doing laundry when I saw him. Something about his new clothes being too itchy.” 

She slid past Dean, continuing whatever she had been doing before he ran into her. 

_ Laundry? Fucking laundry? That’s it, no more telenovelas. _

Dean pocketed his keys and wallet. Relief and adrenaline coursing through his body. Cas didn’t leave. He stayed. For all the times he ran, leaving Dean high and dry, this time he chose to stay. That had to mean something. 

He crossed the house and walked out the back door that led to deck overlooking the lake. He could see Cas off in the distance, sitting on the dock his head hung low. The overcast sky was spitting out rain in a slow trickle. 

Dean took a tentative step, fear keeping him from running. Whatever happened next, he would respect what Cas wanted. His only request being they stay friends. The loss of friendship wasn’t Dean’s biggest fear. They have overcome so much betrayal, hurt feelings, and bad decisions, that should he be rejected, it would be just one more thing they added to his list. What scared him the most was Cas staying, but leaving him in the future because he wasn’t good enough. Because he would get mad, and even though he would try his damnedest not to, he was sure he would fuck up and piss Cas off. 

The worst thought though was Cas meeting his soulmate and leaving Dean because what they have isn’t as strong as soulmates. Could he live with that? He didn’t buy into the whole ‘tis better to have loved… bullshit. But he already knew what it was to be with Cas, and he wasn’t wasting his chance to have that again. 

He smiled to himself as he approached Cas. The earlier fear gone. His last name didn’t matter, who the fuck would be asking questions about their last name? And so what if someone thought Cas was his husband. They could always correct them. Or not, It didn’t fucking matter. If Cas said yes, and stayed with Dean, he didn’t care if it was as his fake husband, or brother, or third cousin twice removed. 

A gust of wind swept across the lake, sending a chill through Dean. The sky was rapidly darkening, and the drizzle was steadily picking up. He needed to get Cas inside before they caught pneumonia. 

“Cas?” Dean beckoned. He stood over Cas who looked so tiny hunched in on himself shivering against the cold wind. His knees were pulled up to his chest, head buried between his crossed arms and legs. 

Dean heard a muffled, “Hello, Dean.” But Cas failed to raise his head. 

He reached his hand down to Cas’ shoulder, a move he’d done countless times, but at the last moment brushed his fingers through Cas’ damp hair. “Come on, let’s go inside.” 

Cas raised his face looking up at Dean. His eyes were red and glistening. It broke Dean’s heart. The one time he’d ever seen Cas cry was when he got back from purgatory. He shed one tear after being forced to murder one of his brothers. 

Dean held out his hand, offering Cas help up. For a passing moment he thought his offer would go unaccepted, but eventually, Cas reached out wrapping his icy fingers around Dean’s, pulling himself up. 

For the second day in a row, thunder rumbled in the distance. The storm hadn’t moved on, and before a full second had passed, lightning reflected across the dark water. The temperature was dropping, and it was only a matter of time before the sky opened up and poured down on them. 

Dean tried to hold on to Cas’ hand, giving him both warmth and comfort, but Cas pulled back as they walked up the dock. Their footstep echoing as they moved forward. 

“Cas, I––” Dean slowed, trying to get Cas’ attention. 

“It’s okay, Dean. You don’t have to say anything. We don’t have to talk about it,” Cas said without looking back. 

“But I do. I want to, no I need to.” Dean rushed to catch up to Cas after falling a few steps behind. 

Cas took a deep breath to speak, slowly shaking his head. Dean cut him off before he could say get the first word out. 

“Stay!” 

Cas stopped, and gaped at Dean. Another round of thunder boomed, rattling in their chests. The clouds were heavy and hanging low. A dark ring above them just off to the left. It wasn’t a simple summer storm like the one they had the night before. It was monsoon season, and one was headed their way. 

“What did you say?” Cas demanded, taking a step closer to Dean. 

They didn’t have time to have this conversation lest they get caught in a flash flood. But Cas didn’t look like he was budging, so Dean took a breath, ready to take on the rain. 

“Stay...with me.” He breathed before clearing his throat and continuing with more confidence.

“Look, Cas, I know there’s some poor guy out there waiting for you. Some manager at a museum or a small business owner from Wisconsin. But dammit, man, that’s not you. How can you be with someone who doesn’t really know you?” 

Dean stepped forward. His hands were numb from the cold rain coming down in sheets. He ran his chilled fingers across Cas’ cheek stopping at the back of his neck. “I know you, Cas. I know your past. I know all the guilt you walk around with. I know how you carry around every life you couldn’t save like a crack in your heart. He won’t know you like that. So screw destiny. Right in the face. We get make our own choices, Cas. We fought for that. Hell, we died for that. I’m asking, no I’m begging you, Cas. Choose me.” 

Dean took another step forward pushing his body against Cas’ as he raised his other hand to cradle his face. He could barely see Cas through the downpour, everything looking like it was behind frosted glass. 

Dean was only able to catch a glimpse of Cas before he was pressing forward, capturing Dean’s lips with his own. His hands clenched the front of Dean’s shirt. Cas probed at Dean’s lips seeking permission to deepen the kiss. 

Dean whined as he opened his mouth, granting Cas access. He wanted to cry, or scream, or even fucking dance. His heart was pounding in his chest as Cas gently explored his mouth. It had to mean Cas wanted this as much as he did. Was this Cas choosing him? The kiss was answer enough, but Dean needed more. He wanted to get Cas inside, out of his wet clothes, and into a hot shower. 

He pulled back slowly, hesitant to let Cas’ lips slide from his own. He felt the strain of his smile in his cheeks. Cas reached up, brushing the dripping hair from his forehead. 

“Dean, I don’t have to choose between you and my soulmate. You’re him. You are the douche from Wisconsin.” 

“What?” Dean stared at Cas. Not believing what he was hearing.

“You’re my soulmate. We can talk about this inside.” Cas took Dean’s hand trying to pull him forward, but he didn’t budge. 

“You knew this whole time?” Dean asked. 

“Yes, I didn’t want to tell you right away. I thought you might get angry out of spite and ask me to leave. Believe me, Dean, I wasn’t going to ask anything of you that you weren’t willing to give. You remember I said some soulmates can be friends or family. I just thought that was my role in your life.” Cas tried again, this time successfully pulling Dean forward. 

“Why us? We can’t procreate, or whatever.” 

“I’m not sure. My best guess would be Chuck didn’t need your bloodline anymore. Should the apocalypse have happened, perhaps I would have come back as a human woman. But I’m not sure. As an angel, you learn to take solace in knowing God truly does work in mysterious ways. But I was told that if I tell you that, I would get my ass kicked. Now can we get out of the rain?”

They were sopping wet by the time they reached the doors of the walkout basement. Not wanting to drip across the plush carpet, they stripped down to their boxers. Both men were shivering and huddled with their backs to each other as they slid out of their wet clothes. 

Dean scooped up all of their clothes and took them to the bathtub. He quickly slipped out of his boxers, throwing them in with the rest of the items. The towels they had been using were fluffy and felt soft against his skin as he wrapped one around his waist. He took the other to Cas, who was still standing by the door, holding it open for him to wrap himself in it like a tiny blanket. He stepped into Dean’s open arms with a small smile. 

Dean started by rubbing the fabric through Cas’ hair, before draping the cloth over his shoulders, rubbing his hands up and down to generate heat. 

“Do you want to take a shower to warm up?” Dean asked. 

Cas bit the corner of his bottom lip and nodded. He laced his fingers in Dean’s and guided them to the bathroom. Dean hadn’t meant to imply they take the shower together, but he wasn’t going to miss his chance if that was what Cas wanted. 

He felt his cock stir as Cas dropped his towel to the ground and reached for the knobs. The shower was large and inviting, and they were about to live out a fantasy Dean had in this same shower the day before. 

When Cas was done adjusting the temperature on both shower heads, he turned back to Dean. A predatory smile gracing his full lips. Cas stepped forward and pulled at Dean’s towel where he had it tucked in. The fabric pooled on the floor. Cas seemed to have lost all hesitation as he openly stared at Dean’s rapidly hardening cock. His gaze was hungry, making Dean feel a weird combination of shy and simultaneously sexy. 

Cas brushed his hand along Dean’s hip around to his back and pulled him forward. “Is this okay? It’s not too fast?” 

Dean took a small step back and slid his hands into the waistband of Cas’ boxers, pushing them to his knees. “I like this pace better.” 

Cas smiled so wide it made his nose scrunch up, and the corner of his eyes crinkle. “Good,” he panted, pulling their bodies flush against one another. He captured Dean’s lips in a desperate kiss, making Dean moan deep in his throat. 

He had seen many versions of Cas. Castiel, angel of the lord, the fighter and relentless soldier. Cas, the loyal friend who would always be there for him. He’d even seen Cas pretending to be someone else, a gas attendant named Steve. For all that he knew about Cas, he never imagined his best friend would be so sexually assertive. 

Cas was holding Dean tight against his hard body, hands roaming up and down his back, stopping to knead his ass. Grinding his hips into Dean in tiny thrusts, giving them both enough friction to drive Dean wild. Cas taking charge was sexier than he could have ever imagined. He assumed Cas would be shy, and he would have to take the lead. But having Cas’ hot mouth kiss along his jaw before capturing the lobe of his ear had Dean so turned on he wanted to grip his dick and tug until he was coming in seconds. But Cas had other ideas.

“I’ve thought about us in this shower together, Dean. Can I show you what I imagined?” 

_ Oh, fuck. Cas thought about it while jerking off? _

“Fuck, yes. Cas, I’ve uh, I kind of thought about it too. I mean us, in this shower.” 

“Good. We can try yours next.” Cas separated them with what Dean thought was graceful ease. Dean was thankful he wasn’t the one taking charge, because he would be covered in come and embarrassed in about half a minute, had that been the case. 

Cas stepped into the steam filled shower. The tan stone covered in moisture. Dean followed quickly, before reminding himself he needed to calm down if he wanted to last long enough to enjoy what Cas had in mind. 

He felt himself being pulled forward, the warm water beating against his body before strong fingers ran through his hair. He had so many questions, things he needed to know, but Cas’ surprisingly soft hands on his skin made everything else seem unimportant. 

Cas grabbed the body wash and lathered up his hands before running them down Dean’s bare torso. The hunter’s eyes slipped close and dick his throbbed, aching to be touched. He didn’t know he could get this hard. Never imagined being so turned on from a few simple touches. 

Cas trailed down Dean’s sides, avoiding his cock, and scratched his nails down Dean’s thighs making him buck forward seeking friction of any kind. His brain finally got with the program, and he leaned forward to do some touching of his own. Starting with running his hands through Cas’ hair.

Cas paused his ministrations and leaned into the touch with a small sigh. It almost sounded relieved. As if he were expecting Dean to push him away. 

With renewed vigor, Cas took both hands, rubbing down his right leg. He bent forward wrapping his fingers around the hard muscle of Dean’s calf, and the other hand guided his foot up, propping it up on the bench seat of the shower. Dean slapped his palm against the wall for support and tugged at the other man’s hair. 

Cas righted himself and spread the suds across Dean’s stomach until he reached the base of his cock. Tracing his fingers around Dean’s balls before soaping up the cleft of his ass. Dean gasped at the feel of the slick body wash sliding in between his cheeks. His heart was racing as his lover ran his middle finger over Dean’s hole. Dean cried out as Cas applied pressure to his entrance. Not enough to breach him, but enough to stimulate the sensitive nerve endings. 

“Fuck,” Dean rasped. 

He had been trying to hold out. Wanting to explore Cas’ body and spend time bringing Cas the pleasure that he’d not known from his previous encounters. But Cas flipped the script on Dean and turned from innocent angel to sex demon with one kiss. 

His cock was aching, and his balls were drawn up tight. There was a time for intimate lovemaking, but this wasn’t it. Dean wanted to fuck Cas rough and dirty, but there wouldn’t be time for prep or foreplay. He needed to get his hands on the other man and make him feel as good or better than he was feeling. 

“C’mere,” Dean whispered. He put both hands on Cas’ hips and pulled him forward. He liked the exposed feeling of having his leg propped up, giving Cas extra room to rest between his thighs. Dean pressed into Cas’ mouth hard, probing for entrance the moment their lips touched. He fucked his tongue into Cas’ mouth hungry and smooth. Dean had some experience and knew prostate stimulation was one of the best goddamn feelings in all of creation and wanted to give Cas that, but he was less than a minute from coming and needed just to feel Cas. He didn’t care how, or where their bodies touched. He just needed as much exposure as he could get. 

Dean broke from the kiss and worked his way across Cas’ jaw and down his neck. He kissed and nipped at Cas’ prominent collar bones. Panting, he looked down to see their cocks a mere inch from each other. Desire coursed through his body as he took his own cock in his hand and brushed it up against Cas’. 

“Dean!”

It was the first response Dean had got from him since they got in the shower and he hoped Cas was as close to coming as he was. 

He lined their dicks up evenly with a few small strokes, Cas’ similar in length but girthier. Dean loved the way Cas’ breath caught as he dropped his head and began kissing and sucking gently on Dean’s neck. Not enough to leave a lasting mark, but enough to sting just a little. Dean groaned as Cas’ teeth rubbed over the overworked spot on his throat. 

“Cas, you gotta catch up man, I’m barely holding on here,” Dean breathed. 

Cas pulled back watching Dean’s hand work up and down their joined erections. “Come on Dean, make us come.” 

Dean felt the tingle run through his arms first. Cas focused hard on Dean's hand bringing them to climax, and that was something he was excited to explore. Maybe he was a bit of a voyeur. 

Imagining Cas watch as he opened himself up to take Cas’ cock made his knees go weak, and he felt the tension snap. His whole body started to vibrate as an electric shock coursed through him.  He cried out Cas’ name as his come splashed out, hitting his lover in the chest and continued to dribble down their dicks. 

He was about to warn Cas that he had about three more pumps before he was too sensitive to keep stroking when he was pulled into a deep kiss. He felt Cas’ come shooting between them as the angel-turned-human shook in his arms. 

After a moment of grounding himself, Dean slipped his hand out from between their bodies and rinsed off the sticky mess. He pulled Cas closer, making sure they were touching from the knee up. Their kisses slowed turning lazy and sweet. He finally pulled away when Cas started chuckling. 

“What?” he demanded playfully. 

“Nothing,” Cas buried his face in Dean’s neck. His hair was tickling Dean’s nose. “It’s just this wasn't even my fantasy. I couldn’t even wait to sit you down.”

“Hmm, and what was your fantasy.” 

Cas looked up at him, his eyes were wide and innocent. A complete juxtaposition to his words.  “I was going to sit you down on that bench, and suck your dick like it was whipped cream on an apple pie shot.” Cas ran a finger up Dean’s spine, causing him to break out in chills. His dick gave a valiant effort to twitch. 

“Fuck, Cas. Who knew you were so kinky.” 

“Mmm, and we’ve only just begun,” Cas mumbled into his skin. 

“Oh, fuck. You’re going to kill me.” 

The pair finished rinsing off sneaking shy glances at each other. Dean was familiar with the awkward comedown of a wild hookup. What he wasn’t used to, not even with Lisa, was the lasting warmth in his chest knowing this wasn’t the end. Maybe it was because he never expected to stay with Lisa, always waiting for Sam’s missing shoe to drop. He knew his future wasn’t with her. But with Cas, he couldn’t imagine a life without him. Even with Lisa, mostly happy taking care of her and Ben, he always missed Cas, always wondered how his friend was doing or where he was. But as they stood together toweling off for the second time, Dean knew this was it for him. 

Cas wasn’t wrong when he assumed Dean would mad about the soulmate thing. It pissed him off that Chuck thought he could go around fucking with people’s lives, but part of him knew that no matter what Chuck’s plan was for them, he and Cas would have made their own choices. Maybe that’s what Chuck wanted, for them to choose one another. 

Dean led the way to Cas’ room, deciding to forgo getting dressed. His heart was fluttering at the idea of naked cuddling with Cas. He was close to hysterical laughter when Cas shyly crawled into bed. The sex demon was long gone, and Cas resumed his innocent act. 

They came together under the soft sheet. Dean wrapped his arm around Cas and pulled him down to his chest. Cas shuffled and got comfortable draping himself over Dean in a warm solid mass. It shook him to his core at how right holding Cas felt. He wondered if it was because all the history they had, the emotion and love between them; or if it was because they were soulmates. He leaned more towards the former, refusing to believe he could feel so strongly about another person just because he was supposed to. 

“You’re thinking too hard,” Cas whispered running his hand up Dean’s chest and resting it at the base of his throat. 

“Yeah, I guess I am. I was trying to figure how if this felt so good because of our history or because we’re soulmates.” Dean pressed a kiss into Cas’ hair before wrapping his other arm around him and squeezing. 

“Does it matter to you?” 

“I know it shouldn’t, but yeah I guess it kind of does.” 

Cas pulled back and stretched his neck to look up at Dean. “We are here because we want to be. If being bonded is making it better, that’s okay, because we choose this path in the first place. Our marks didn’t do that, Dean, we did.” 

Cas’ simple assurance made Dean’s stress melt away. He was right, they had apparently been bonded the whole time, and things weren’t perfect then. He imagined they wouldn’t be perfect in their relationship either. Instead of worrying about him, though, that made him feel more comfortable. They always argued and somehow managed to forgive, only now they got to have makeup sex. 

“You’re right. I want to be here. I want this Cas. For as long as you’ll have me.” 

“Good,” Cas said settling himself back down on Dean’s chest pressing small kisses into his skin. “Because I’m not giving it up.” 

Both men lay silently, probably having very similar thoughts. Going over all the good times they had, purposely avoiding the bad, when a thought occurred to Dean. 

“Cas, where’s all your stuff. I thought you left the house?”

A low rumble vibrated through Dean’s chest as Cas chuckled. “I wasn’t going to leave. I just wanted to wash my clothes. They made me itch, and Kori said they would be less scratchy if I washed and dried them.” 

“Yeah, but what about the rest of your stuff? You charger and your backpack?” Dean ran a finger down Cas’ back. It wasn’t as accusatory as it would have been hours ago. 

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed this Dean, but even at the bunker, I keep my things put away. I don’t want to cause a mess in your home.” 

“Our home, Cas. It’s always been just as much your home as mine.” 

Cas hummed, “Yeah, well now we finally get to move to Easy Street.” 

Dean stiffened under Cas. He knew the other man now owned a home and had been considering leaving the bunker. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to live with Cas. Life on the road made Dean adaptable, he could room with just about anyone. What made him hesitate was Sam. Would he stay with them in Cas’ new house? Would he move in with Kori? It was one thing for Cas and Dean to move in together after only one day, they had been roommates for years, in a sense. But Sam and Kori were practically still strangers. And though they were soulmates, neither of them knew that. 

“I didn’t mean to cause you distress, Dean. You don’t have to live with me,” Cas murmured. Rejection lacing his voice. 

Dean sat up on one elbow. “No, Cas. That’s not it. I do want to live with you. I just don’t know what’s going to happen with Sam. I don’t want to make plans without talking to him first, you know.” 

“Obviously, Sam is more than welcome in our new home. Though I’m sure, he’ll want to be close to his new girlfriend. We can work it out another time. But Dean…” Cas locked eyes with Dean, showing him how sincere he was. “If you need to follow Sam wherever he goes, I’ll go with you. We can sell the house and buy something new if we need to.” 

Dean’s throat tightened, and he felt a burning behind his eyes. “You’d do that for me?”

“Of course I would. I’d do anything for you. I don’t want to be away from Sam either. Though it’s not the same, I love him too.” 

Dean’s heart fluttered. Loved Sam too? Did that mean Cas loved Sam as Dean loved him? Or was he trying to say he loved Sam differently from how he loved Dean? He knew it had to be the latter, at least he wanted it to be. 

Dean weaved his fingers in Cas’ silky soft hair, pulling gently to line Cas’ mouth up with his own.

“Yeah well, Sam’s not the only one who loves you, too.”


	11. Chapter 11

The rest of the week at the lake house passed by in a blur. Dean and Cas slept in the same room for the remaining days. The afternoons spent out in the water or lounging in the sun, and their nights spent learning each other's bodies. Dean was an all in kind of guy, once he decided he wanted to be with Cas, the uncertainty of being with a man quickly faded. They experimented with different things they liked, were vocal about the things they didn’t like, and planned things they wanted to try. 

It was the most open Dean had ever been in any relationship, leading to the best sex he'd ever had. It took them a few days to work up to actual lovemaking, and they decided taking turns was the best alternative. The first time Cas filled Dean up and rocked into him made tears streak down Dean’s cheeks as he watched Cas push in and out of him. He didn’t cry from the pain, which wasn’t as much as he was expecting, but from the overwhelming feeling of safety he had. For the first time since he was four years old, Dean knew he was safe. He could let himself go and trust that Cas would care for him. He didn’t feel embarrassed because when Cas came with a low moan, his eyes were shining with unshed tears as well. 

One night while lying in Cas’ arms, limbs still shaking and sweat still trickling down his temples, he hoped Sam felt the same way. Not the post-orgasmic loopiness, though he wished for that too, in a vague, don't think about it too much way. But the feeling of security from being with his soulmate.

The last night at the lake house had been a somber affair. It was time to get back to the real world for Kori, and for the three Winchesters to figure out their new normal. They all laughed when Cas announced his address and Kori’s eyes bugged out of her head. Two months ago her neighbors up and moved without so much as a goodbye. The house had sat empty right up until the day she met Sam and Dean. Her address was 121 Easy St. Topeka Kansas 66546. 

When they finally got around to checking Cas’ bank account, the men were rendered speechless. The account held a quarter of a million dollars. It wasn’t money they could live off of forever, but given that they didn’t have many bills it gave them all plenty of time to figure out what they wanted to do. 

The first purchase Cas made was a king sized top of the line memory foam mattress, with the best sheets he could find in the city. That night, after their longest love making session yet, Dean made an awful joke about an angel sleeping on clouds. Dean was always delirious after a prostate massage. 

They settled into a comfortable life. Cas taught religious studies at the same university Sam started attending in the fall. Dean picked up a few shifts at a local garage but decided he liked working on cars for fun, not pay. Never expecting to live as long as he had, he didn’t have a ten-year plan. Cas insisted he stay home and care for the house until he figured out what he wanted to do. Sam teased him for having a sugar daddy. Dean made sure to moan extra loud those nights, so his brother knew he was earning his keep. 

Cas bought himself a brand new, straight off the line black Impala. Dean grumbled that Cas’ hunk of plastic shouldn’t even have the same name as his Baby, but more often than not would choose to take Cas’ car if they had to drive anywhere further than a few miles. Cas always made a point to talk about how good the air conditioning was in his Impala. Dean never admitted though he suspected Cas knew, the air conditioner did make a world of difference.  It was all sickeningly domestic, and they couldn’t be happier. 

Life wasn’t always easy. Sometimes Dean had to sleep in Sam’s guest room because Cas was a dramatic bitch and would throw Dean out when they fought. But he would always come over the next day, crawling into bed with Dean and begging him to come back home. Sam threatened to take away Cas’ house key if he had to wake up to their headboard banging against the wall of his guestroom one more time. 

Things had been settled for awhile when Dean asked Cas if he wanted to have a wedding reception of sorts. They had the same last name and called each other husband when talking to anyone outside their family. Cas laughed when Dean said he wanted to make an honest man out of him, explaining that they were already married in the eyes of the Lord. Dean had to cut Cas off before he spent the next hour explaining the origin of marriage. It’s what made Cas a great professor, but it bored Dean to death. 

All of their friends and family gathered to celebrate the official union of Castiel and Dean Winchester. Many saw it coming, claiming everyone knew they were in love before they ever admitted it to themselves. Claire was particularly unrelenting in telling everyone Dean always treated her like his own kid. Dean told her she wasn’t wrong, but she didn’t have to be such a know it all.  

Almost a year later the same friends and family gathered once more for a Winchester wedding. This one involved an actual wedding before the reception. Cas was the first one to ask why the bride wasn’t drinking. Her only response was a wistful smile at the glass of champagne and a hand on her still flat stomach. 

Cas was dancing with the flower girl, and even though he started wearing a ring after their own reception, Dean was sure if she were just a little bit older, she would plot how to steal Cas away. 

He sat there watching his family laughing, and his heart filled with joy. It was enough to make him cry, but even though his middle got a little softer, and he slept a lot more, it didn’t mean he didn’t still have a reputation to uphold. 

There was a subtle shift in the air and he looked to his left. His eyes flew open wide when he saw Chuck sitting next to him holding two beers. He passed one to Dean.

“I’d say things worked out pretty well, wouldn’t you think?” 

Dean huffed a laugh, “Yeah, we did alright. Could have been a lot easier if you would have been around.” 

Chuck gently shook his head, “Nah, where’s the fun in that?” 

They sat quietly for a while before Chuck spoke again. “She’s pregnant you know. A baby born to such strong vessels could be a lot of trouble.”

Dean felt his stomach drop, a cold sweat breaking out across his body. “Chuck, no.” 

“Don’t worry, Dean. I have handled Michael and Lucifer. Your family, this bloodline, you’re free. Just don’t get Cas knocked up, okay. We don’t want to take any chances.” 

Dean threw his head back laughing at the absurdity of Chuck’s request. “Well, I’ll do my damnedest not to get my  _ husband _ pregnant.” 

“That’s good. Because I know you. If you wanted Cas to have a baby, you would have found a way. The gates of hell may be locked, but soul bargaining isn’t the only way to make a deal.” 

Dean sobered. Chuck was actually serious. “Okay, well I promise you the only kids in our future will be someone else’s. As God as my witness, I will not make a deal so Cas can grow a baby.” 

“Good,” Chuck smiled.

“So me and Cas, huh. That was your plan all along?” 

Chuck smiled, bringing his beer to his lips, gulping it down in one drink. “Who else would have put up with you?”

“You’re not wrong. He keeps me in line though,” Dean said with a smile. “No meat Mondays, a fuel-efficient sedan, he even wears a frilly apron when he bakes me pie. He’s very unapologetic about his apron collection.” 

Chuck laughed. “I’m glad it worked out for you, Dean.” 

“Not that I’m not grateful, because I am. All the shit we went through, to end up here? Yeah, it was worth it. But why us?”

“Hasn’t anyone ever told you, Dean? I work in mysterious ways.” 

The threat was on the tip of Dean’s tongue, but before he could spit it out, Chuck was gone. 

“Son of a bitch!”  


	12. Chapter 12

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